Otaku Muyo
by Tannim Murphy
Summary: A self insertion of the more original kind. Steeped in tradition yet written in these modern times. I like it. Chapter eight is done! Onto nine...
1. Chapter 1

On the Rewrite: 

If you'll check my page, you'll note that the time difference  
between my last attempt at writing and this one is a span of several  
years. Now that I've got a bit of rust knocked off my skills I've  
tried to rewrite for better story flow, and I've added a few bits to  
hopefully make things more humorous. Huge thanks go out to Rick  
"Creative to a Fault" Spiff and to The Eternal Lost Lurker for their  
corrections and comments.

---

Otaku Muyo

(Because honestly, there's really no need for this.)

by Tannim Murphy

Disclaimer: This is a work of fiction, any characters or events that  
resemble real people are purely intentional, and hopefully hilarious.  
I do not own any of the anime characters mentioned. Anyone else I  
claim ownership, and plan on making a bundle on selling the movie  
rights.

---

Chapter 1

---

As it so happened, it all started on a bright and cheery afternoon.

The sun shed its light on the uncaring campus of a community college  
set out in the wilds of California (where land was cheap). Sunlight  
rays illuminated students and structures alike as most of the students  
themselves scurried from place to place, intent on reaching their  
classes.

However, lost in a forgotten corner of land there was a building set  
aside from the rest. Beyond the track and field, beyond the archery  
range, beyond even the gardens where the agricultural students liked  
to grow their strange creations, there stood a single building. The  
area it was nestled in was more suitable for a fair tale setting than  
a campus, and in order to reach the structure a person had to traverse  
a dense forest that completely surrounded the facility.

Sweltering heat was made more uncomfortable by the still air of the  
forest, and each breath choked with the smell of pine. Evergreens  
dominated the area leaving the ground fairly barren except for a  
carpet of pine needles. The path through the area had been cleared,  
but not recently.

The steady crunching of needles scared away several woodland creatures  
as the maker made no effort to conceal the noise. He was muttering  
under his breath, and with each step his grumbling became increasingly  
louder.

"...off the beaten path, through the woods, what am I, Little Red  
Riding Hood?" A fist shook half-heartedly in anger at nothing in  
particular.

The man was in his early twenties, wearing a blue plaid collar t-shirt  
and a pair of jeans and dirty blonde hair parted down the middle over  
a set of hazel eyes. His face looked young for his age, and it was  
doubtful he would have looked even twenty save for the small patch of  
hair on his chin kept carefully trimmed.

He was Tannim Murphy, a college student that had recently moved to the  
area and was looking for a job. As it was late in the job hiring  
season, and since most of the seasonal college students had already  
came back, this was proving more difficult than he would have liked.

Tannim paused outside the building to stare at the architecture  
thoughtfully. Mostly it was the giant 'WARNING: EXTREAME BIO-HAZARD'  
sign that had caught his attention. The various other warnings and  
cautionary signs did little to aid his comfort. Some joker had gone  
so far as to tape a cardboard sign that read, "Abandon Hope Ye Who  
Entree Here."

As he paused to wipe the sweat off his brow, Tannim glanced  
uncertainly at the want ads he had clutched in his hand. There were  
many things circled, but only the one in the center didn't have a  
giant X over it. Not surprisingly it said "Looking For Subjects, No  
Exp. Req."

Tannim growled in frustration. "This is your own damn fault for not  
being able to stay away from that new box set," he muttered as anger  
replaced the slight trepidation he had felt moments before. "You  
can't even afford decent ramen!" He shoved any lingering feelings of  
doubt away as he forcefully marched himself into the building.

Inside the air conditioning hit him with an arctic blast of chilled  
air one normally associates with winter conditions. The sweet relief  
from the summer heat was welcome and he paused at the entrance to  
savor the sensation.

"The things I do for money," muttered Tannim as finally took a good  
look around the science facility. One side of the entryway was taken  
up by a giant bulletin board covered from the floor to the ceiling in  
various flyers and promotions set up by the students and teachers.  
Regularly interspaced between these were safety warnings and  
regulations.

The other wall was lined with plaques. Upon closer inspection it was  
revealed that the plaques held names and what accolades they had won.  
It was generally along the lines of 'Most Likely To Become A Super  
Villain,' 'Most Likely To Blow Up The Planet,' or 'Could Take Over The  
World If She Felt Like It.'

"What kinda whackos run this place anyways?" he asked rhetorically.

Completely unexpected, someone answered, "The kind of whackos that pay  
handsomely for willing test subjects."

Tannim turned to meet the voice with an appraising stare. It was from  
a very beautiful woman with her red hair held back in a practical  
manner via a ponytail. The lab coat did nothing to hide her  
impressive figure, and enhanced the chest area rather than diminished  
it. She was also grinning at him with an odd expression on her face;  
Tannim could only guess that it was some sort of Washuu-like glee at  
getting someone new to experiment on.

'Hold up,' thought Tannim. 'If she's anything like Washuu, then  
she'll want to... and THEN... and afterwards... in a nurse outfit!'

Tannim grinned lecherously as cheerfully stated, "Sign me up!"

The curvy red-haired bombshell held up a finger. "First question."

"Yes?" he said, distracted by the haze of hormone-induced delusion.  
This one had dancing nurse outfits as its main theme.

The pause that the woman gave to slowly look over Tannim like a piece  
of meat sent shivers down his spine. With a delicate lick of her  
lips, she asked, "Do those jeans have metal buttons?"

He glanced down. "Uh, yes?"

She smiled slowly and broadly. "Then off with your pants."

"Yes!" he shouted and began grabbing at his zipper.

"And to help you with that, I'll turn you over to my personal  
assistant, Tony. Tony?"

The man that Tannim turned to see looked like he'd be more comfortable  
on a football field protecting quarterbacks rather than inside a  
science facility. He towered over the two at his seven foot height  
and with a bulk comprised entirely of muscle and it looked like he had  
trouble fitting through doorways. By the same token it also looked  
like wouldn't have had any trouble lifting a few tanks.

Tony cracked his knuckles menacingly and spoke with a voice  
surprisingly soft for someone his size. "If you would step this way,  
please follow me to the proper disrobing area."

Tannim nodded meekly in response.

---

Several forms (and minus one set of pants) later...

There was a serious draft that chilled Tannim's naked legs as he sat.  
The bare metal on his skin didn't help matters. Once he got over how  
cold things were Tannim finally took the time to contemplate the  
machinery encasing him.

"Huh. This does look kinda like Washuu's device that she used on  
Tenchi," he muttered in amazement.

Tannim was strapped into a chair with various miscellaneous mechanical  
devices either clamped onto or over him, of all shapes and sizes. The  
crowning touch was a metal headband lined with what looked to be  
modified light bulbs.

"Are you into anime?" wondered Tannim.

"Huh? What's anime?" the red-haired scientist replied with confusion.

"Never mind," Tannim shook his head. "It's nothing."

"Interesting little patch of hair you've got there," said the  
scientist gently as she tugged on Tannim's chin hair.

Tannim smirked wryly as he delivered his usual response. "Well, I am  
an evil twin; we have to keep up appearances."

The woman giggled girlishly as she tugged slightly harder. "A bad  
boy, huh? I never could resist those." She gave a seductive wink and  
her hips swayed side to side as she sauntered off to check the  
electrical connections.

The young man simply grinned wider, enjoying the attention. It was  
fairly obvious the girl was just playing with him, but he didn't mind.  
There were worst ways to spend the day than playfully flirting with  
gorgeous women.

Within minutes the last of the probes and sensors were stuck, adhered,  
and attached to numerous parts of Tannim's body. Once that task was  
completed, the only door to the room was shut and locked.

As the woman was leaving, Tannim swore she put an extra bit of sway in  
her hips just for him. He was reminded of a quote and found it  
particularly applicable to this situation.

'I hate to see you go, but I love to watch you leave.'

A voice crackled over the set of speakers that linked the room to the  
control center. This was not the same girl, but a man's voice. "Now,  
you might hear a ringing noise, and feel a sharp stinging sensation,  
but I assure you that's normal."

Tannim was left without a means of response. One of the last things  
they added to the sensor list was something he had to clamp down on  
with his teeth. It wasn't very comfortable either.

With a suddenness that was frightening, the lights went out and scared  
Tannim half to death. He jumped as much as his restraints allowed him  
to.

Static hissed for a moment as the speaker crackled in the darkness.  
The voice speaking was very distracted now. "Uh, don't worry, that's  
normal... uff da... here's the REAL switch."

The light bulbs surrounding Tannim's head flashed brightly, and the  
young man felt a crawling sensation over his entire body as his skin  
attempted to escape without the rest of him.

Then Tannim stopped feeling any kind of sensation whatsoever, almost  
as if someone had cut out his brain and stuffed it in a box. His mind  
tried to race as he realized he couldn't feel his heart beating, but  
without the proper glands to support the action Tannim really couldn't  
work up enough interest to care.

Limbo would best describe the sensation. Experimentation revealed he  
could 'speak' to a degree an 'out loud' of sorts. It would have best  
been best described as a mental conversation, except for the fact that  
there was no mind for it to take place in.

"So, this is it."

"...death."

"I'm dead."

"...damn..."

"...really wanted to absolve some sins, too..."

"...sorry God? Didn't mean it?"

"...no response...not a good sign..."

"Tannim..."

Tannim hesitated. That last thought didn't have his 'voice.' "God?"

"...you've got to wake up Tannim..."

"Huh?"

"...wake up...wake up...wake up..."

As he turned to search for the voice, Tannim finally felt all sorts of  
interesting sensations return as he fell out of bed and slammed onto  
the floor.

"Aaarg!" Tannim clutched his nose in agony as he hadn't been able to  
prevent his face from hitting full force. Blood began to seep through  
his fingers before he hastily clamped them shut.

Tannim convulsed pathetically as he fumbled his way off the floor.  
His entire body had that 'asleep' feeling when circulation is cut off  
for too long. He also had a nasty suspicion that if he didn't get  
moving, and fast, the fuzzy sensation was going to turn into some very  
painful pins and needles. He clutched desperately to the vain hope  
that perhaps if he moved enough blood about before the needles set in,  
he'd be all right.

"What's this all in here?" A nurse alerted by the noise grimaced as  
she entered the room. Her white outfit clung tightly to her  
over-weight form with a nametag that read 'Hattie.' She was obviously  
somewhere in her mid forties, with raven black hair tied up in a bun.  
"What are you doing out of bed?"

It was a hospital, Tannim realized. He also realized he was damn  
lucky to have fallen off the bed on the side of his intravenous drip.  
His attention was called to it as the nurse checked it while helping  
him back into bed.

Tannim tried to convey his rising panic about the upcoming pins and  
needles, but whatever was affecting the rest of his body was also  
affecting his vocal cords. He could barely croak anything out above a  
whisper, and even that was strained.

"...bodeeb...asleeb..."

"Oh, I get it!" Understanding dawned in the eyes of the nurse and  
Tannim looked up at her gratefully. She proclaimed, "You want to get  
some sleep!"

The nurse took Tannim's weak movements as sign of agreement as she  
increased the flow of the medicine currently attached to Tannim's arm.  
His eyes briefly bulged in horror, before the increased dose took  
hold. With the last of his strength he quickly rolled over so that  
his nose was pointing down, and he made sure that the blood from his  
broken nose would not flow back down his throat while he was  
unconscious.

---

Tannim awoke in a nightmare. He could feel his entire body on fire,  
even through the haze of drugs. It took several minutes, but Tannim  
finally realized why he couldn't move: it was due to the massive  
amounts of muscle relaxants mixed liberally with the sleep medication.

He lost track how long he laid there in silent agony.

---

And as suddenly as it started, it was over. Somewhere along the line  
the pain had become bearable enough to pass out again, and the third  
time he awoke in the same bed, it was under less painful  
circumstances. His nose had stopped bleeding, and normal sensation  
was beginning to return.

The door to the room opened and a man wearing a large white coat  
stepped through. But that wasn't the first thing to catch Tannim's  
eye. No, the first thing to catch Tannim's eye was the bright blue  
hair that covered the man's head.

"Woah, nice hair." Tannim was impressed. There had to be some  
seriously strong neon blue dye out there to get it that bright.

"You like?" The man patted his head. "Runs in the family. My dad  
always said, 'blue hair means brilliance.'" He gave a small laugh at  
his own joke. "By the way my name's Ken, Ken Sanada. But enough  
about me, how are you feeling?"

What a whacko. "Well, doc, I--" Tannim was forestalled by an upraised  
hand.

"I'm not a doctor."

Tannim blinked. Had he been drinking he would have done a spit-take.  
"What?"

The scientist shrugged. "I'm one of the lab people that work here.  
There'd been news you'd finally regained consciousness, and I'd been  
sent to make sure you were okay."

Tannim took a few seconds to ponder the implications of that  
statement. "...you mean I'm still at the laboratory?"

"Yep," replied a nervously grinning Ken.

"Why?" The young man was baffled, not to mention slightly horrified.

"Well, we figured what with hospital bills being so EXPENSIVE, and  
all, and the nurses office here is equipped with the latest in medical  
devices since we never know just WHAT kind of injury we'll sustain,  
and what with the rising cost in health insurance, and also...  
well..." Ken trailed off from his rambling. "Okay, we wanted to  
avoid any sort of lawsuit for performing an experiment beyond spec,  
alright? Someone leaned on a switch a little too hard, and a little  
too much juice was used too fast."

Tannim sighed but realized Ken was right, there wouldn't be any  
hospital bills. "Do I still get paid?"

"Well, see, about that..." Ken tugged nervously at his collar.

The look of sheer horror caused the scientist to avert his eyes in  
order to deliver his next piece of information. "It seems that  
several very new and very experimental procedures were used in order  
to save your life."

Tannim's voice was hollow. "Yes? And?"

"These procedures, they were quite costly..."

"...no..."

"You owe the--"

"No!"

"I'm sorry, but even if we paid you quadruple time for hazard pay for  
the entire time you were out, the cost is--"

"You can't do this to me!" Tannim protested. "I nearly died! In  
fact, I think I might have!" The sudden jump in Ken proved it in  
Tannim's mind. He stared hard and his voice went flat. "I did die,  
didn't I?"

"Technically, we just think your soul was separated from your body.  
Your physical form was unharmed." Sanada had the grace to look  
sheepish. "And the use of the medical facilities also cost--"

Tannim held up a hand to stop Ken from speaking any further. "Okay.  
I've had enough for one day. I'll accept that I owe you oodles of  
money in exchange for me being alive. Can I at least rest up first  
before I have to start paying you back?"

"Well, the credit cards we found in your wallet have already hit their  
limit, and--"

"Out!" Tannim shouted and pointed at the door.

"Yeah, sure, take all the time you need." Ken left the room in a  
flash.

Tannim Murphy shivered at the implications of his soul being separated  
from his body. As important as that was, thoughts on the status of  
his soul had to wait. It wouldn't be long before someone would be  
checking in on him soon, and he figured they would probably try to  
give him more sleep medication.

A quick check of the room turned up his clothes. As he lifted his  
jeans, Tannim glanced down at what he assumed was his shirt. It was  
the exact same design as his old one, except that it was green, not  
blue. "Did they dye it?" muttered Tannim in confusion.

It didn't matter. As soon as he was dressed, he moved over to the  
window. It was just as he had surmised; the room was located on the  
first floor. Thankfully the window was well oiled and slid open  
easily.

"Like hell I'm going to pay those kinds of bills!" Tannim grunted as  
he hefted himself over the window sill and towards freedom.

---

The resulting scramble for the car and drive home did much to calm him  
down. He didn't regret what he did, but he knew it might come back to  
bite him in the ass. Tannim just hoped the laboratory would want to  
keep the incident quiet and not report him to the police or anything.

As apartments go, it was actually quite nice, despite being on the  
second floor. The property had a creek running behind it that  
provided the area with some relaxing noises, as creeks are wont to do.  
An open window usually could catch the sounds quite easily, and made  
for nice background music. Since the complex was towards the edge of  
town, the traffic wasn't bad either.

The door slammed shut with a very loud bang. Keys, wallet, cell  
phone, and spare change quickly found themselves ejected and placed  
onto a handy surface.

The sun was beginning to set, and Tannim decided to go to sleep early.  
He felt as if he had been run over by a truck, and was out the moment  
his head touched the pillow.

---

Tannim Murphy was not an early riser. His alarm had not been set the  
night before, and he had just gotten through one of the roughest  
ordeals of his life so far.

He slept until two in the afternoon.

It was the hunger that finally caused Tannim to stir. He shuffled his  
way through the morning routine as he began mentally preparing another  
day of looking for work.

Even though he knew it would do him no good, Murphy reflexively opened  
the refrigerator door. Yep, still no food. "I have got to get  
something to eat."

The young man settled down with the phone book, and opened it to  
'pizza.'

"Hello? Is this Octagonal Table Pizza? Yeah, I was wondering if you  
had any job positions available. No, but you always accept resumes?  
Okay, thanks." He hung up.

Tannim dialed another number at random. "I would love to work for  
Pizza Shack; do you have any job openings? No? Okay, thanks  
anyways."

Another number. "Little Nero's Pizza, please let me work for you! I  
beg you!" The line was cut off as the other end hung up.

Tannim stared grumpily at the phone. "You suck." He began dialing  
again.

This time a young, hesitant voice answered the phone. "H-h-hello?  
T-this is the Goddess Relief Office. T-there w-will be--"

"Oh, I'm sorry; I must have dialed the wrong number. I was trying to  
reach Angelino's Pizza," Tannim interjected before turning off the  
phone. While it was great to see a fellow fan with a sense of humor,  
he was simply too hungry to waste any sort of time chatting.

He sighed as he flipped through the yellow pages once more. Tannim  
paused over an ad for a gaming store. The restaurant idea to getting  
him free food wasn't working.

"Sure, why not?" He dialed the number.

This time the voice was harsh and brooked no room for argument. Each  
syllable was spat out rather than spoken. "MegaGamers, whaddya want?"

"A job." At this point Tannim was tired of beating around the bush.

"When can you start?"

Stunned, the young man replied, "I'm not busy at the moment."

"You're hired if you can get here in thirty minutes."

Tannim was out the door like a shot.

A few seconds later, Tannim's mirror glowed, and a strikingly  
beautiful girl with light-brown hair emerged. Her exotic outfit  
looked more appropriate for the theater rather than for casual wear.  
Adorning her face were three strange, triangle-shaped markings. She  
also looked to be about fifteen years old.

"Hello!"

Her energetic cry was met with the quiet air of the apartment.

"Um, hello? Is anyone here?"

Silence.

"Oh dear."

---

MegaGamers, a prominent local distributor of gaming merchandise, was  
located inside the Crossroads Mall. The mall itself was quite an  
impressive structure and boasted two stories worth of stores. It was  
easily the largest mall in a three hundred mile radius, and thus was  
fairly popular.

The parking was atrocious.

Tannim cursed as the third parking space he had finally spotted was  
snapped up by a domineering sports mom in an SUV. The look of pure,  
unbridled hatred at the world at having to deal with the screaming  
terrors in the back had caused Tannim to hesitate.

In the end he decided to park back in the boonies. This was the  
literal backside of the mall complex, where parking was scarce because  
you had to walk quite a distance to get to the really good stores.  
Incidentally, it was also the farthest one could possibly get from the  
food court.

The entryway held one of those large directories that provided a rough  
estimation of where all the various stores were located throughout the  
mall. Tannim paused to check it as he hadn't actually been to  
MegaGamers yet (he usually went to Greatest Purchase or somewhere  
similar), and was relatively unsurprised to find it located next to  
the food court... and quite a walk away from him.

There is a certain stride that people who have worked in large retail  
stores develop. Tannim liked to call it the "Wally World Walk," from  
where he learned it. Deceptively simple, the "Wally World Walk" was  
very similar to the power walk, but you didn't wave your arms because  
that would waste precious energy needed to function for the rest of  
the work shift. This walk was used when one had to travel from one  
part of the store to another to show that you were busy. It didn't  
matter if you weren't actually doing any work, as long as you were  
walking quickly place to place; you were less likely to be bothered by  
a manager or customer. The side benefit of the walk was that it was  
also very, very fast. It was one step below skipping in terms of  
speed, and wouldn't get you funny stares.

Tannim used it now as he made a beeline for the back of the mall. A  
glance down to his watch confirmed that he had five minutes to get  
there, and he went into the auto-pilot every kid develops to navigate  
high school hallways, ducking and dodging around groups as well as  
individuals.

The mall was busy as usual and Tannim had quite the time of it. He  
focused his attention so much on his progress that he felt like he was  
in something approaching the 'Soul of Ice' technique. In approaching  
a sort of Zen state he let go of his consciousness and simply let his  
reflexes navigate the mess for him, and this worked well up until a  
point.

It was at the food court that things had started to go wrong.

In retrospect Tannim decided he had made his first mistake the moment  
he laid eyes on the MegaGamers store. It was as if everything else in  
the world ceased to exit. He made a bee-line for the store without  
bothering to consider how his path might affect others, and there was  
a steady stream of people cursing behind Tannim as he turned on the  
Wally Walk to full blast.

Normally a large group of beautiful women ranging in ages from  
thirteen to nineteen would have been noticed by anyone. Tannim would  
have noticed if he hadn't been so determined to get a job and a decent  
meal. As it was he ignored the group completely in favor of focusing  
solely on the MegaGamers storefront. These women were obviously not  
used to moving out of the way of other people, and it was with  
considerable surprise that the one girl in the center of the group  
carrying a drink was suddenly blindsided.

Tannim awoke with a start from his trance as he halted his forward  
progress. The girl he had bumped into looked to be around sixteen,  
and was wearing a very fashionable blouse. The drink Tannim had  
knocked onto her was currently soaking the front of it.

The group around the girl had fallen deathly quiet.

"Sorry bout that," Tannim mumbled and quickly walked off, the entrance  
to MegaGamers a mere hundred feet away. He wasn't trying to be mean  
or rude, but his stomach was hungry, and would brook no interruptions.

He had just gotten to the outside of the circle when a piercing scream  
split the air. "GET HIM!"

He wasn't sure who had said that but for the second time that day,  
Tannim found himself taking off like a shot. That fraction of a  
second head start proved enough as he managed to dash inside the  
store's entrance just ahead of the chasing girls.

Tannim ducked behind a group of kids discussing the latest Pokemon and  
Yu-Gi-Oh cards. He even went so far as to position two of the  
children so as to be better hidden from view.

The girls tried to follow, but were immediately swarmed by the  
multitude of kids who had gathered after school to spend their lunch  
money. "Ack! No! Brats! Retreat!"

Tannim peered over the shoulders of his cover. "The coast clear?"

The kid nearest to Tannim, sporting a red cap, nodded. "Those Amazons  
won't be back for a while. You're safe. What'd you do to piss them  
off, anyways?"

"Heh, Amazons, huh? I bumped into one of them and spilled their  
drink."

"Ooo, a clothes defiler. Man, I feel sorry for you when you leave  
this store."

Before Tannim could discuss the subject further he was interrupted as  
sharp voice rang out behind him. "You that kid from the phone?"

Tannim looked up to see the face of an older German man peering down  
at him. He stood and grinned sheepishly. "Sorry, sir, I was hiding  
from some Amazons."

"Well hurry up, the little monsters have been released from school and  
they demand their appeasement. Get in the back and start bringing out  
the boxes for this weeks tournament."

"That means I'm hired?"

The older man glared hatefully at the children. In response, one of  
them showed him their tongue.

"Yes. Now get to work before I take out my frustrations about my job  
on you."

Tannim got to work.

MegaGamers was a store that devoted its stock to as many gaming  
publications and figurines as one person could possibly fit into a  
store. Role-playing books took up one fourth of the store in their  
own little library section, while an impressive selection of playable  
figurines took up another fourth. The middle of the store was  
dominated by large tables that were used in weekly tournaments for the  
various games. The wall the cashier was located on also housed all  
the various card game sets.

Tannim was kept busy with requests to fetch various cards and  
memorabilia from the top shelves. He was also beginning to understand  
why the job opening was available. While his boss wasn't exactly a  
mean person, he was very, very bitter.

It wasn't a bad work environment, since he had worked at Wally World  
before, and knew the ropes so to speak. Still, it was difficult; the  
sea of children was not something that could be dealt with lightly.  
It actually was amazing to think that his boss had been dealing with  
them for quite some time.

The work day was fairly uneventful, though Tannim did spot several  
women prowling the entrance. It was as if some sort of nerd-field  
kept them repelled from actually entering the store. Given the horde  
of kids Tannim was currently catering to, he really couldn't blame  
them.

He even managed to finagle some money from his boss so he could afford  
to eat on his lunch break ("That's coming out of your paycheck,  
bucko!"). Tannim wasn't so incredibly stupid as to actually venture  
outside to fetch it himself, but a pack of cards worked like a charm  
to bribe some kid to get it for him.

Time passed, and eventually the store emptied. Some lucky ten year  
old had won tournament and parents had shown up to reclaim their  
children.

It was six o'clock when it happened; Tannim was restocking the  
depleted card game displays, and Mr. Gunter (the only name Tannim  
could finagle out of his boss) was in the back retrieving supplies for  
the next round.

"My name is Makoto Kino, and I'm calling you out!"

The proclamation shocked Tannim to his very core, and he dropped the  
box he was currently holding. He turned sharply to see the speaker.

Sure enough, standing outside the store was a really tall  
half-Japanese girl. Aside from those two features, however, she would  
blend in perfectly with a crowd of gossiping cheerleaders. Her  
fashion sense could have been picked out of a Macy's Catalogue.

"Ha ha, very funny," said Tannim, and he turned away from the girl in  
disgust. Was there a hidden concentration of insane cosplaying women  
in the area he didn't know about? First the Goddess Relief Hotline  
joke and now this.

"Don't take me lightly!" she shouted, pointing a finger for emphasis.  
In her anger she took a step forward. "You'll pay for what you did  
you our Queen!"

Tannim didn't know whether to be more surprised by the fact that Mr.  
Gunter had materialized next to him as if out of thin air, or the fact  
that he was now wielding a shotgun. He decided on the latter.

"You know your kind isn't welcome in this store. Always window  
shopping, and never buying!" Gunter stated menacingly and he chambered  
a round for effect. "I have the right to refuse service to anyone,  
and I choose you. Now git."

Makoto beat a hasty retreat, but not before throwing a hate-filled  
glare in Tannim's direction. The look was returned was one of  
befuddled amusement.

"You'd best steer clear of those girls, boy. They're nothing but  
trouble." The older man casually rested his shotgun on his shoulder.

Tannim eyed the weapon warily. "Not that I'm not grateful and all,  
but where did you get that?"

"Isn't it obvious?" Tannim shook his head to the negative. Gunter  
shrugged and said, "I used to be a terrorist."

Tannim really had no response to that. "Oh. So, when do I work  
tomorrow?"

For the first time that day, Gunter's face was a mask of puzzlement  
rather than bitter resentment. "You are not frightened at the  
prospect at working with me? Those little bastards think its 'cool.'  
I've threatened to shoot them a couple of times, but they just laugh  
me off." He kicked at nothing in particular in a gesture of  
irritation.

"As long as you don't blow me up, I'm cool. Besides, I need the  
money."

Gunter grinned at this clapped a hand onto Tannim's shoulder. "Ah, a  
man after my own capitalistic heart. Come, we have paperwork to fill  
out."

The younger man grimaced in remembrance of the last time he heard  
those words. "Actually, I'm kinda trying to lay low. Is it possible  
to work under the table?"

"Wellllll..." Gunter stretched out the syllable as he mulled it over.  
"I suppose I could give you trading card boxes and let you sell them  
off for your own personal profit..."

This time it was Tannim's turn to grin. "Thanks boss, you're a life  
saver."

He was waved off. "Don't thank me yet. Once you know the store  
enough, I'll finally get a day or two off." Gunter smirked.

Tannim blanched at the prospect. "I'd rather face the Amazons.  
Speaking of which, I guess I'd better figure out what's the deal with  
them."

"Do you require backup?" Gunter hefted his weapon for emphasis.

"...only if I run back into the store as if the hounds of Hades were  
on my tail," the young man muttered despondently.

"Right."

Tannim moved forward slowly. It was humbling to realize the scariest  
situation he's ever stepped into was against a horde of teenage girls.  
The young man's mind was working in overdrive at this point, with  
plenty of adrenaline pumping for whichever he decided: to fight or  
flee. It was in this state that he noted that the girl claiming to  
Makoto did, in fact, look remarkably like her. It was the hairstyle  
that clinched it, Tannim decided.

These thoughts kept Tannim from worrying about the slowly enclosing  
half-circle.

"Okay, I'm sorry about the drink, but don't you think personal  
challenges of honor are a little bit much?" Murphy tried to reason  
with them.

The one he had spilt is drink on earlier was looking quite angry. Her  
brown hair was swept out of her eyes in a gesture of irritation. "We  
do NOT appreciate Our new blouse being ruined by the likes of YOU."

Tannim knew he was in deep trouble, but that nervous energy that  
filled and energized him also found that statement to be hilarious.  
He couldn't help but chuckle. "What, that blouse belonged to all of  
you? Was it on a time share?"

The darkened glares he received in response shut him up pretty quick.

"We do not appreciate your jokes. However, according to Amazon  
Tradition, once a challenge has been issued, none may interfere." The  
anger was replaced with confidence. "We're certain that Our subject  
Makoto, though she is young, will still be more than a match for you."

It was a bit shocking to Tannim to say the least. "You mean you're  
honest to goodness, real life Amazon Mallrats?" he asked  
incredulously. Before they could get angry with that outburst, Tannim  
interjected with another one. "Wait, you mean I've got to fight her?  
The fourteen year old girl?"

The girl in question stepped forward at this with a smirk on her face.  
"I will not fail the Queen."

Tannim had to quickly reevaluate the situation.

Makoto, while half-Japanese, was blessed with the other half of her  
genetic makeup composing of the 'very tall and strong' genes. She had  
studied martial arts, and had finally found acceptance in a group  
(something her Japanese soul had yearned for). She was confident, and  
not backing down. Her stance said it all.

The realization struck Tannim with all the force of a twenty pound  
sledgehammer. He whispered to himself in shock, "I am going to have  
my ass kicked by a fourteen year old fangirl pretending to be Makoto  
Kino from Sailor Moon." Unbelievable.

Well, it was all or nothing, and if he didn't get the all, he'd be  
left with nothing. No dignity, at the very least. Tannim assumed a  
casual stance; he'd seen them often enough in martial art flicks to  
replicate the feat.

"I warn you, the Hiten Mitsurugi Ryu style is a killing art. I cannot  
be held accountable for my actions if I defend myself." Not only was  
Tannim sweating bullets, but his voice was wavering and cracked. His  
fate rested on that line of complete and total bullshit.

Sweet relief flooded Tannim, and mentally thanked the Lord for  
bubbleheads because some of the girls bought it. They moved back a  
few precious steps, just enough to create an opening. With this boost  
in confidence Tannim was able to convincingly play out the next phase  
of his plan.

He posed dramatically for the assembled crowd. "But I suppose I must  
end this quickly! Hiten Mitsurugi Ryu style final attack!" Makoto  
firmed her stance, while the rest of the girls took a few more steps  
away.

Tannim acted like he was winding up for some spectacular attack with  
his arms, but in reality he was really getting his feet into a  
runner's starting position.

"Shining, Sta--oh my God, what's that over there?" This was delivered  
with a hint of fear in his voice, a shocked look, widened eyes, and  
finger pointing.

Bless their mallrat hearts, every one of them fell for it. For the  
third time that day, Tannim took off like a shot. By a quirk of fate,  
the girl claiming to be Makoto was smack dab in the middle of the  
biggest hole in the girls' perimeter. He actually had to bowl her  
over as she was starting to face forward in order to escape.

"I accept your challenge!" Tannim shouted as he ran away as fast as  
his feet could possibly carry him. He didn't dare look behind.

---

It was a bruised and weary Tannim that climbed the stairs leading to  
his apartment. Every last one of his bruises had resulted from him  
running into things, or falling over, in his mad dash to escape. He  
was just thankful that he had made it to his car without anyone  
following him.

The young man tried to use his key to unlock the door, but found that  
it was already open. He was in the process of recalling how in his  
mad dash to leave had had forgotten to lock the door, when he finally  
spotted someone else in his apartment.

"Greetings!" The girl cheerfully proclaimed. "I am the Goddess--"

"Belldandy?"

---

TBC...


	2. Chapter 2

Otaku Muyo

(Because honestly, there's no real need for this.)

by Tannim Murphy

Disclaimer: I do not own Ah! Megami-sama or Sailor Moon. Nor do I  
own any other series that I happen to mention that has an identifiable  
copyright. The character of Tannim is loosely base upon myself, and  
thus copyrighted by me.

* * *

Chapter 2

* * *

To say that Tannim was shocked would have been a vast understatement.  
Standing before him was a girl in the most accurately  
reproduced costume of Belldandy that he could ever conceive of  
existing. The only problem, of course, is that she was only fifteen  
years old. Not the right Belldandy age.

"How did you get in here?" he asked the obvious question.

"Through the mirror," Belldandy replied.

"The mirror. Of course. Right." Tannim smacked himself. 'You  
idiot, you shouldn't have left the front door unlocked when you left.'

"But I didn't come through the--" Belldandy was interrupted by Tannim.

"Hey... what happened to all my stuff?"

The haphazard style in which the room had previously been kept had  
been replaced by neat rows. Rows upon rows of neat rows.

Belldandy fidgeted as she looked embarrassed. "Well, when you weren't  
here, I called my superiors and asked them what to do. They told me  
to wait and..." she shrugged. "I didn't have anything else useful to  
do."

'How am I supposed to rid myself of a crazy fangirl?' Tannim paused  
in his thinking. 'Wait, why would I want to rid myself of a crazy  
fangirl who likes to dress up as Belldandy, break into my house, and  
clean my stuff?'

At the sound of sniffling, Tannim sharply turned his head. The  
Belldandy of fifteen had eyes filled to the brim with unshed tears.

"If, if I'm a bother, then I'll just go." Sniff. "I don't know what  
a fangirl is," sniff, "but I'm not dressing up." It was obvious she  
was trying very hard not to cry.

There's a certain state of panic that men go into when confronted with  
a crying woman. It was worse though, because she might as well have  
been Belldandy, it was so heart wrenching to watch. "No! Nonono, I'm  
sorry! Please, don't cry! I didn't mean it!"

'Wait, did she just read my thoughts?'

Belldandy's nod confirmed it.

'You're really the Goddess, First class, Second category, Belldandy?'

Another nod.

'You're shitting me.'

Belldandy blushed at this. "Um, no, I'm not. Oh! I know!" She  
clapped her hands together excitedly. "Here's my business card! It's  
a pleasure to meet you, Tannim Murphy."

Numbly, Tannim took it. It did indeed list her as Belldandy, Goddess  
working for the Goddess Relief Office.

"You mean you're real?!" In his shock Tannim began speaking out loud  
again.

"Um, yes. Why wouldn't I be?"

That threw Tannim's mind into a whirlwind of thoughts that caused  
Belldandy to wince. "Please think a little more quietly," she begged.

Tannim finally settled on thinking one very long 'ooooooooooooooh  
shiiiiiiii--' loudly while trying to quietly think of something to do  
or say. Nothing was forthcoming.

This new bout of nervousness from Tannim caused Belldandy to become  
nervous as well. The tears were back at half power, but they were  
augmented by a distraught look and nervous bowing.

"I am very sorry to have inconvenienced you, but I'm here to grant you  
a wish!"

This proclamation floored Tannim. His right hand slowly rose to his  
face, which Belldandy watched with a look of innocent curiosity. The  
action terminated in the classic 'Who, me?' pose, complete with  
shocked face.

Feeling a little bit better, Belldandy nodded. She attempted a smile  
to cheer up the young man. That smile vanished as she heard the next  
thought that escaped Tannim's mind.

'But... she's just an anime character!'

"Why would you think that?" she asked, clearly puzzled.

"Here, I'll show you." Tannim got up and walked over to the neat rows  
of DVDs. "I think I've got the movie somewhere in..." 'What the  
hell?'

"What's wrong?"

Tannim stared at his collection of DVDs. The last time he had really  
taken a look at it was when he had bought that box set a few days ago.  
Somewhere in between then and now, it had changed.

"Did you do this?" It was Tannim's turn to look confused.

Belldandy nodded. "I did stack them like that."

"No," Tannim suddenly found his voice hoarse. He gulped. "Did you  
change all the anime shows?"

Belldandy shook her head. "What do you mean?"

Tannim began to rifle through the anime that was strewn out before  
him. Gone were the titles of Trigun, Robotech, Ranma 1/2, Sailor  
Moon, and Oh My Goddess, to name a few. It was small consolation that  
shows like Bubblegum Crisis, Excel Saga, and Ghost in the Shell were  
still with him, but most of the rest had been altered.

The biggest change in his collection was the large set of Skysaber  
DVDs. Roughly pound for pound Undocumented Features took up the  
number of Robotech DVDs Tannim had. The Bet replaced Ranma. Twisted  
Path. Heart of Sugar. The list went on.

Belldandy, who had been quiet throughout all this, suddenly piped up.  
"What's fanfiction?"

"Oh boy." In that moment, Tannim understood Dr. Sam Beckett  
perfectly. "I think I'm in trouble." He sat down heavily on the  
couch.

A caring soul to the core, Belldandy couldn't deny her nature and was  
by his side in an instant. "What is it, Mr. Murphy?"

"Call me Tannim. And I'm... not from around here." He understated.  
'Am I still in a coma? Did I die at that lab?'

Belldandy watched along with Tannim as he replayed the events in his  
mind.

"Oh my! That's terrible!" she cried, shocked.

Tannim looked sharply over at Belldandy. Those words...

"Excuse me, I know this is a strange request, but could you say, 'ara,  
hidoi' for me?"

"Ara hidoi?" Belldandy looked questioningly at Tannim.

"Never mind." He had the grace to blush. 'Well, assuming I'm not in  
a coma or dead... just how did I get here?'

"Get here? Where are you from?"

'Another world.' The thought escaped Tannim's mind before he could  
squelch it.

Whatever reaction the young man was expecting, understanding wasn't  
one of them. "Oh, are you from Jurai?

"A little less Tenchi, a little more El Hazard." Tannim joked.

Now that the situation had calmed down somewhat, Belldandy giggled.  
"You're very confusing, but also interesting, aren't you?"

"I suppose now I am," Tannim mused. "So, uh, I get a wish?"

"Yes!" Belldandy nodded happily. "But be warned! You only get one  
wish, so you must make it carefully."

"Is there a time limit? Can I think about this first?"

"Of course you can, and there's no limit, take all the time you need."  
Belldandy smiled as she settled further into the couch. Her eyes  
started to dart back and forth between Tannim, and his Xbox console.

Following the look, Tannim smiled. "If you'd like to play, I've got a  
couple of good games."

"Oh, could I?" The happy, glee-filled smile lit up the room, and the  
young man swore he was blinded for a moment. He nodded.

Soon Belldandy was cheerfully fragging aliens while playing Halo 2.  
She was really absorbed too; the look of concentration was cute.

"Die, motherfuckers!"

Tannim jumped at the outburst. Belldandy didn't seem to realize that  
she had spoken.

It was still on the first level, and she was playing on hard mode.  
The young man watched in awe as Belldandy skillfully lobbed another  
grenade behind the hiding position of some Grunts. Those who could,  
scrambled away and straight into her Battle Rifle's line of fire.  
Those who couldn't, perished in the resulting explosion.

That action drew out one of the Elites, who opened fire on her  
position from behind her with a dual-wield of the deadly Plasma Rifle.  
Rather than wasting time to turn and engage the threat, she moved  
forward and ducked behind a crate to let her battered shields  
recharge. This infuriated the Elite, who charged forward to engage in  
hand to hand.

Before the creature could reach its destination, however, Belldandy  
had counter-charged. Switching her Battle Rifle out for her own  
Plasma Rifle, she leapt on top of the box and then forward over the  
Elite. She even managed to twist in mid-air to keep the enemy lined  
in her sights the entire time. And during all this, her stolen Plasma  
Rifle was eating hungrily at his shields.

The Elite, in the last mistake it ever made, roared angrily at the  
loss of his shields. Belldandy simply stepped in close and clubbed  
him over the head like a baby seal.

"Mein gott! You're good!"

Belldandy blushed at the praise, but didn't pause in her game-play.  
"I've been told that girls should have hobbies," she ventured.

Tannim found this immensely amusing. "You do realize that this  
officially makes you the coolest girl in every single dimension there  
ever is, right?" 'Who would have though of a video game playing  
Belldandy?'

The blush deepened. "Stop, you're embarrassing me. Besides," her  
blush faded as she sighed. "No boy would be interested in a girl like  
me."

"You're kidding, aren't you? What could ever possibly make you say  
that?" Tannim looked at her like she was crazy.

This time, Belldandy paused the game and put down the controller. She  
curled up slightly and wrapped her arms around her knees. Her look  
was not a happy one.

"I really enjoy being nice to people, and bringing them joy, but  
that's not all there is to me. Sure, at first a few of the boys  
thought it was cool I was into video games as much as them." She  
smiled sadly. "But when I would hand them their collective asses time  
and time again, they stopped wanting to play with me. And I've been  
told that no one would want a girl whose greatest skill is playing  
games." Belldandy shrugged helplessly.

'Those, BASTARDS!' "Don't you ever listen to anyone saying anything  
like that, ever again!" Tannim ordered. "They don't know what the  
Heaven they're talking about."

Belldandy smiled with real warmth. "Thanks Tannim. I wish I had a  
boyfriend as nice as you."

"I wish you did too," he replied sincerely.

Belldandy responded by glowing slightly.

"Uh, Bell?"

The room took on various shades of blue as the incandescent glow  
brightened. Belldandy looked at Tannim in shock as she began to hover  
off the couch.

"What are you doing Bell?"

A beam of light shot from the marking on Belldandy's forehead, and  
through the roof of Tannim's apartment complex (incidentally  
obliterating his satellite dish in the process).

"No! You've got to be kidding me!"

The swirling miasma of power around Belldandy began to pick up light  
objects around the room. Tannim had to scramble off the couch to  
avoid getting pelted. As it picked up speed, it also began picking up  
DVDs... Tannim was just in time to watch as the entire pile got sucked  
up into the whirlwind. The noise they made as they clattered together  
was awful, but throughout it all Belldandy didn't react to a thing.

After the blue lights stopped swirling around, and the beam stopped  
shooting, Belldandy slumped to the couch. DVDs were scattered  
throughout the entire apartment. The young man got up and approached  
the Goddess, trying to get a good look at her without actually  
touching her.

"Belldandy? Are you all right?"

A few moments later, Belldandy groggily began to return to  
consciousness. "Tannim? Is that you?" She suddenly snapped into  
being wide awake. "Oh no!"

Tannim was pushed to the side as Belldandy raced to the phone. He sat  
bemused on the couch, only half-listening to the conversation.

"Hello. This is Belldandy. Yes, the wish just now... What? That's  
acceptable too? No! Please, God! ...I see." She hung up.

After a few moments of silence, she spoke without turning back to  
Tannim. Her voice wavered and cracked. "Your wish... has been  
granted."

Before Tannim could think of an appropriate thing to say, Belldandy  
burst into tears. It was the most soul-crushing experience imaginable  
for Tannim, as the realization sank in that he had made Belldandy  
(Belldandy, of all people) cry. Who was next on his list, Kasumi?

But he brightened slightly at a thought. "Hey, don't be sad. With  
the wording of that wish, I don't have to actually stay your boyfriend  
for any length of time."

This produced results the exact opposite that he had been hoping for.  
Instead of calming down and seeing reason, Belldandy leapt at Tannim  
and tackled him in a glomp that would have done an Amazon proud. She  
even started crying harder against his shirt.

Tannim was freaked. Belldandy was not known for bursting into tears  
and bawling her eyes out. Granted, this Belldandy was probably going  
through puberty, so it looked like all bets were off. He tentatively  
tried to pat her on the back as she slowly regained control of  
herself.

He wisely remained silent as Belldandy pulled herself together. "It's  
not your fault. I'm... well, it is, but..." She took a deep breath.  
"Tannim, I don't think you realize the implications of what you have  
just done." Unshed tears still shone in her eyes.

"I'm really, really sorry?" he tried.

"Oh no," said Belldandy with surprising tenderness as she hugged  
Tannim tighter. "I'm the one who's sorry. You just wasted your  
precious wish on me."

"Oh? How so?" Tannim asked.

"In essence, you just wished that I would always have a boyfriend of  
good quality for the rest of my existence." Tears began to fall again  
as she looked away.

Relief flooded Tannim. "Oh thank God. I thought you were stuck with  
me. That wouldn't have been good."

Belldandy glanced at Tannim out of the corner of her eyes. "Why would  
that have been a bad thing?"

"Well, let's face it. I'm not Tuxedo Mask." At her blank look, he  
continued. "You're a little bit under the legal age limit."

A bolt of lightning arced through the open hole in the ceiling,  
blasted a message on the floor, and startled Belldandy and Tannim  
apart.

"What's it say? asked Tannim as he peered at the script.

"To Belldandy, Goddess First Class, please report back to Heaven.  
Just because you've got a new boyfriend doesn't mean you can shirk  
your duties. Kami-sama." She didn't read aloud the post script, but  
it made her blush.

"Oh. I guess this is goodbye." Tannim wasn't sure how to feel on  
that aspect.

"Yes." Belldandy looked very chipper compared to just a few moments  
ago. She gave him a quick peck on the cheek. "I'll see you when I'm  
older."

Tannim stood stock still until the light had completely faded from the  
mirror on his wall.

"How in the name of all that is Holy did THAT happen?"

* * *

It was in the middle of sneaking into his job the next day that Tannim  
decided he'd have to go to Japan and find Keiichi. He honestly  
wouldn't feel good about the situation unless they at least knew of  
each other's existence. He was simply too much a fan of the series to  
do anything else otherwise.

This also brought Tannim to his next set of troublesome thoughts. He  
was in some sort of reality in which Belldandy was real. It was quite  
possible that the Makoto Kino of the mall was in fact the real Makoto  
Kino, and Tannim had a sneaking suspicion that Ranma was alive in well  
in Nerima.

As if summoned by his mere thought, Makoto Kino was the first Amazon  
Mallrat to spot him. "Hold it right there!"

Rather than stopping him, it only served to alert Tannim to Makoto's  
presence. He scurried away through the crowds.

All the way down to the food court, the two played cat and mouse.  
Makoto moved as quickly as she could through the crowds, but she was  
far too polite to shove. Meanwhile, Tannim had the Wally Walk out in  
full force and occasionally knocked over small children in his haste  
to escape Sailor Jupiter's wrath.

That was another thing that troubled Tannim. If Sailor Moon was here  
but altered somehow, the Senshi might not win. He made a mental note  
to check on that when he went to Japan as well.

Tannim looked back behind him to see how Makoto was faring only to  
spot her stopped and talking animatedly on her cell phone. Not good.  
He tried to pour on the speed to his walk as he kept an eye out for  
potential threats.

When Tannim rounded the corner to the food court and MegaGamers, he  
was met with a solid line of twenty or so females blocking the way.  
It looked to Tannim like all the stops had been pulled.

"Not good." He made an about face and prayed they hadn't seen him.

This is when he spotted Makoto again, but she wasn't alone. She was  
with about eight of the older girls, spread out and slowly walking  
down the Mall. Four were on either side on the second floor checking  
stores, while the other four were on either side on the bottom floor  
doing the same. Makoto kept in the center throughout all this,  
scanning the crowd.

It was the classic hammer and anvil move. Tannim wasn't sure he could  
successfully run past an alert Makoto without having her hold him down  
long enough for backup. And no man stood against twenty angry  
females.

"Psst. Hey, mister!"

Tannim looked over towards where the voice had originated in one of  
the employee service hallways. The speaker turned out to be Red Hat  
from the day before. He motioned for Tannim to follow him.

Tannim did just that. The two hurried down the corridor and away from  
the searching women. "Thanks, you're a life saver."

"You could have used this too if you'd been paying attention." The  
boy snorted derisively.

"When a small army of women is out to do you bodily harm, your  
thinking gets skewed." Tannim shrugged. "Still, thanks for saving my  
hide."

"No problem, I hate it when my sister starts getting out of line like  
that," the kid replied.

"I don't think we've officially met, by the way. I'm Tannim, Tannim  
Murphy." He held out a hand to shake.

"Yeah, I know, you're the new hire. Rick Rockwaller, at your  
service." The boy returned the gesture. "Bonnie's little brother."

"Cool. Say, I've got a sweet deal on cards if you're interested..."

"Hold it right there!"

The two boys looked at each other, before glancing behind them.  
Thirty feet down the hallway, and flanked by two of her older Amazon  
sisters, Makoto Kino stood poised in the classic 'I have you now!'  
pose. More terrifying was that each of the older ladies withdrew from  
their purses various weapons.

The woman to Makoto's right was a blonde wearing an impossibly short  
mini-skirt and a bubble-gum pink halter top. From amidst the large  
makeup bag she withdrew a slender piece of metal. It was short, only  
about a foot in length... up until the point where she gave it a good  
spin. Out from either end shot an additional foot and a half each,  
turning it into a four-foot staff. The weights at either end provided  
the hitting power while the fact that it was mostly hollow allowed for  
great flexibility.

Meanwhile, on Makoto's left, the redhead was pulling out an old-style  
police baton. In a set of clothes that could barely be called decent  
her spaghetti-strap top clung tightly to her ample bosom, and her very  
tight and short pants left nothing to the imagination. She gave the  
baton an experimental twirl one would expect from an experienced tonfa  
user.

Tannim gulped. "Better tell the old man I'm coming in hot." He  
glanced back at Rick, and found a Rick-shaped hole.

'I wonder if he heard me?' thought Tannim as he turned forward to face  
Makoto and her friends. She hadn't moved from her position of just  
inside the entryway.

Tannim had no illusions as to his chances now, which where slim to  
none. Out in a crowd he had the advantage, but over an open stretch  
of terrain... a fourteen year old high school athlete would have no  
trouble running Tannim down like a dog. Now that they were away from  
people, it looked like the Mallrats were finally showing their true  
colors. Tannim wished desperately that those colors hadn't been of  
the talented martial artist variety.

He grinned nervously at the ladies. "Can't we talk about this?"

Makoto smirked triumphantly. The blonde giggled in that annoying way  
only valley girls can perfect and the redhead licked her lips while  
giving a sultry wink.

"I didn't think so." Tannim bolted.

He had only managed twenty feet or so before he felt something wrap  
around his chest and pin his arms to his sides. Despite his better  
judgment Tannim glanced back to see the tonfa wielder lowering her arm  
in disappointment. The blonde was running faster than Makoto as the  
other two gave direct pursuit.

Tannim nearly lost his balance, and used the sudden burst of fear to  
power his legs. 'If that bolas had hit my feet and not my torso, I  
would have been finished!'

It was another thirty feet down the hallway before Tannim's right  
shoulder was impacted by blondie's staff. It didn't have enough force  
behind it to crush bone, but that didn't stop it from setting Tannim's  
shoulder on fire with pain. The young man surprised himself by not  
crying out, his entire focus on picking up speed. A small whimper did  
escape his lips when the second impact crashed into his other  
shoulder.

Thinking quickly, Tannim leapt to the left just in time to avoid a  
third attack. He watched in horror as the staff slammed hard onto the  
ground next to him, bisecting the area his head had been in moments  
earlier.

The counter strike took him off guard. Rather than retracting the  
staff for another strike, the blond swung it viciously to the side  
along the ground.

Tannim's legs got caught up in its length. Without the aid of his  
arms to halt his fall, the young man's momentum smashed him hard into  
the ground. Luckily, his side managed to take the brunt of the  
damage. He rolled onto his back just in time to watch Makoto and the  
redhead arrive behind the blonde.

"You're pretty fast," he muttered. He glanced up from his position on  
the ground. "Neon pink panties definitely suit you."

Rather than get angry, blondie giggled. "Thanks. You understand that  
I'm going to you have to beat you down now, right?" The girl said  
this as she gripped the staff like a baseball bat and lifted it high  
over her head.

Before she could complete her motion, the staff's relatively thin  
middle splintered in two as a shotgun blast rang out down the hallway.  
Gunter waited a few moments for everyone's eyes to be firmly on him  
before pumping his shotgun menacingly, ejecting the spent cartridge.  
Rick grinned at Tannim from behind Gunter's legs and gave the thumbs  
up.

Makoto growled. "We'll get you later!" The girls beat a hasty exit.  
As they were leaving through the door, the one with red hair gave  
Tannim another wink and a blown kiss.

He shivered. "Thanks for the save, boss."

Gunter untangled Tannim from the bolas and helped him to his feet.  
"C'mon, we'd best get back to the store before they come back in  
greater numbers."

"Right."

The three scurried down the empty corridor until at last they came  
upon the rear entrance. After they finally entered MegaGamers, they  
all breathed a sigh of relief.

Gunter locked the door behind them and set the shotgun next to it.  
"That was a close call there. I knew they were mad at you, but what  
prompted this?"

"Eh, something about me spilling a drink on their Queen's new blouse."  
Tannim waved off the statement.

Rick's eyes bulged. "You mean you're the one who ruined Bonnie's new  
shirt?"

The young man stared. "You mean your sister's the Queen? Bonnie?"  
Something tickled at the back of Tannim's mind. "What did you say  
your last name was?"

"Yeah, my sister's Bonnie Rockwaller."

Tannim blinked. "Bonnie Rockwaller from Kim Possible is leading a  
tribe of Amazon Warrior Mallrats?" It fit. It really fit, Tannim had  
to admit to himself. And why wouldn't he be seeing American shows as  
well as the Japanese ones?

"You know my sister? She hates Kim Possible. It's originally why she  
started the group in the first place. She wanted to be the villain to  
finally defeat that international super-spy teen." Rick chuckled.  
"But she never went farther than conquering the mall."

"All right boy, enough slacking, get to work." Gunter interrupted.  
"I don't care to see the damage those little tykes have caused my  
store while we were away."

Rick scampered out of the back room and to his waiting friends. He  
began animatedly relaying what had occurred, complete with hand  
gestures and sound effects.

"Right, right," muttered Tannim as he snagged a box on his way out.  
The things he did for money.

* * *

Bonnie Rockwaller, the self-proclaimed Amazonian Queen, glared at the  
kneeling subordinates before her. "You have displeased Us."

It was an odd sight: three women kneeling to a fourth in the middle of  
the food court, with another line of women standing to one side of it  
all. Despite this, none of the passersby paid it any mind. It was  
just another one of the things you had to put up with to go to the  
mall.

"I am very sorry, my Queen," bowed Makoto, along with blondie and red.  
It had been three months since she had been running with this group.  
For whatever reason, deferring to someone as 'queen' seemed right to  
Makoto.

Bonnie took a delicate bite out of her pizza slice. "We thought you  
said the plan was fool proof. How did our new recruits fare against  
one untrained man?"

"Tiffany did a good job, but Brandy wasn't much help." Makoto  
reported.

The redhead in question jerked as if slapped. "Okay, so I was a  
little over-eager with that bolas," she admitted sheepishly.

Makoto continued, "We would have caught him, but the owner of  
MegaGamers left his store to engage us. We had to fall back."

With a growl, Bonnie took an aggressive bite out of her pizza. It had  
tormented her to no end that for the first time since she had become  
Queen that someone had gotten away with an affront to her person.  
That the person was also safely ensconced within the hated MegaGamers  
store was a double blow to her ego.

"That boy has made a mockery of Us for far too long. I want him  
captured, and I want it done soon. The moment he steps foot outside  
of that store, make him Ours." She motioned to one of the many women  
standing in rank beside her. "Take this."

The person indicated stepped forward with a box, which she handed to  
Makoto. Makoto opened it.

What she saw caused her to grin. "This will do nicely, my Queen."

* * *

As things were beginning to wind down for the work day, Tannim finally  
got some rest from those noisy brats. It came in the form of dusting  
the various miniatures that were on display. This task required some  
care, but not a lot of effort.

The young man paused over the figurine of a unicorn. "Hey, Gunter?"

"Hm?" Gunter grunted from his position at the cash register. There  
currently weren't any customers, but neither was there a pressing need  
to be any where else.

"Why don't they just charge in here and get me?"

'They' being the thirty or so women that were currently prowling at  
various distances outside the MegaGamers store.

"The minefield is probably dissuading them." He replied.

"Oh. You've got a minefield?"

"Yep." Gunter nodded proudly. "Last one to try some funny business  
spent the next few weeks picking splinters out of her legs. It's  
low-grade stuff, really. They've left me alone since."

"I don't suppose you've got an emergency escape tunnel," muttered  
Tannim as he eyed the horde of girls. The looks they were throwing  
his way were not friendly ones.

"Why? Did you want to use it?" asked the German man. He motioned  
towards the back room. "Got a tunnel that leads to the North entrance  
to the mall."

"But I parked way far away to the south so I could sneak in here  
today!" whined Tannim. "Man, it's going to suck walking back to the  
car."

Gunter grinned humorlessly. "Would you rather deal with them?" He  
thumbed the Amazons. Tannim swore he saw the glint of metal somewhere  
in the crowd, but he couldn't be certain.

"Point taken. Same time tomorrow?"

"Sure, don't get yourself killed. Tunnel's located underneath the  
table in the back. Just lift the latch."

Tannim stalled leaving to ask one more question. "How do they let you  
keep a shotgun? Or set up a minefield?"

"Feh, you think the spineless mall management would actually complain  
to my face? Besides," he shrugged. "I'm blackmailing them."

"Ah. Well then, take care." Tannim moved towards the back.

Gunter nodded, before speaking loudly enough for the girls outside to  
overhear. "And I want you to stay back there until every single spare  
trading card box has been checked for inventory, got it?"

Tannim smirked as he exited. He, too, spoke loudly. "All right, all  
right, you slave driver." He made it a point to slam the door behind  
him.

* * *

The park Tannim found himself walking through was located on the far  
eastern side of the mall. He decided on the safe route, and had  
walked due north until he had exited the parking lot. He was in the  
middle of the trek back towards his vehicle.

"Man, I'd better pick up some sort of martial art if I want to keep my  
job. Too bad it's illegal to practice the Semiautomatic Handgun  
School of Jujitsu." He sighed.

"You there! Boy!" A strange voice cried out from behind Tannim. He  
spun around only to be greeted by one of the foulest stenches he could  
recall in recent memory. It was akin to a bucket of rotting fish set  
on fire, and then that fire being put out with urine.

"Gah! Smelly old hobo! Get away from me!" Tannim cried in reflex as  
he stumbled back. The grungy hobo ignored Tannim's protests and  
scrambled forward deceptively fast. With the smell even closer, it  
literally knocked Tannim on his ass. He settled for leaning back as  
far as he could and holding his nose shut. "What do you want from me  
old man?"

"You! Your aura! You are a Child of Destiny!"

"Great. Not only is he smelly, he's crazy," muttered Tannim under his  
breath. Louder he said, "That's nice. Now leave me alone."

The hobo's eyes burned with the intensity of the mad as he stared at  
the boy. "Didn't you say you needed to learn martial arts?"

This brought Tannim up short. "Well, yeah. I'd like to get in shape  
and be able to defend myself against some Amazons," the boy admitted.

"Aha! I knew it! Are you not also chased by a chef and a tomboy?"

"No! Crazy old man, just--"

"Non-sense, m'boy! All in due time! We must start your first  
lesson!"

"Lesson? What lesson?"

"Why, your martial arts lessons, of course! You do want to be able to  
win the One True Tomboy's heart, don't you?"

Now Tannim was stumped. Here was someone obviously insane, but it  
sounded like it was the kind of insanity that was catching. He asked  
the obvious question: "You know martial arts?"

"Of course not! Do I look like someone who has any sort of useful  
skills?" The hobo snapped.

"Not really, no." Tannim replied honestly.

"...which is why I have been waiting for one of the Children to show,  
so I could give them this!" The homeless man reached into the  
recesses of his dirty jacket, and began rummaging. "Made sure to put  
it deep in there, too! Right under my armpit, so it wouldn't get  
lost. Aha!" He pulled out the booklet. It was little more than an  
oversized pamphlet, with the words 'Cheater's Guide To Becoming A  
Really Powerful Martial Artist.'

Despite the smell, Tannim was intrigued. As far as he knew, no book  
existed like that where he came from, and it at least looked like  
something made by a professional company. Some sort of joke book  
perhaps?

"That'll be twenty dollars."

Tannim glared at the hobo. "That's been your plan from the start!  
Some sort of scam!"

"I've got to eat too, you know! C'mon, it's worth finding your  
destiny for a measly twenty bucks! I haven't eaten anything in two  
days!" The hobo snapped right back.

Tannim fingered the ones and fives he had gotten for selling that box  
of cards to Rick and his friends. He felt flush from finally having  
money, and pulled out two fives. "Ten, and that's my final offer."

"Cheapskate!" the bum cried as he snatched the money from Tannim's  
hand.

"Bane on society!" cried Tannim as he swiped the book from the bum.  
It was slightly oily, and smelled terribly. He turned to stuff it in  
his pocket, and by the time he was facing forward again, the hobo was  
no where to be seen.

Tannim hadn't noticed the old guy leave, because the stench seemed to  
stay behind. "Gah! How much can one person reek?"

* * *

The rest of the trip home was uneventful. At least, it was up until  
he pulled into the parking space at his apartment complex. As soon as  
he stepped out of the car two men in black suits materialized on  
either side of him.

"Excuse me sir, we'd like a word with you," one of the men said as he  
gently took an elbow.

"It concerns a matter of national security," the other man said as he  
grabbed hold of the other arm.

Between the two of them, they frog-marched Tannim to a waiting white  
van, whose back doors opened just long enough for Tannim to be thrown  
inside.

"Look, if it's about the credit cards--"

"It has come to our attention that you are under the employ of one  
Gunter Krueger, aka "The Bull." The man sitting in the passenger seat  
spoke without preamble. "We were hoping someone of your standing  
would agree to help us finally bring that man to justice."

Aside from the realization that he had just been abducted by the FBI  
or some equivalent, Tannim was intrigued by the man in the black  
suit's choice of words. "Someone of my standing? I've got standing?"

The agent turned to look Tannim face to face. He was in his forties,  
with grey streaks beginning along the sideburns of his predominantly  
brown hair. The sunglasses hid his eyes from view. "Of course the  
heir to the Masters Foundation is held in high regard by the  
intelligence community."

Tannim would have to puzzle over that later. "Um, do I have to decide  
right now? Can I have time to think about it?"

"Of course. We don't want to feel like we're pressuring you."

Tannim glanced pointedly around the interior of the van.

The other man coughed nervously. "Er, that was necessary for your  
safety. When you need us again, simply speak into the dial tone and  
ask for 'The Agency.'"

"Riiiiight. Well, I'll just be going now. Toodles." Murphy opened  
the back doors himself, and jumped down. As soon as he slammed them  
shut, the van sped off in a peel of rubber.

"I think I almost liked my life better before," mused Tannim. Then he  
thought back to Belldandy. "Almost."

The apartment was much as he left it, a complete mess. He pulled out  
the booklet that he had purchased from the bum and began to flip  
through it. There were a lot of weird symbols, and writing he  
couldn't understand, but there were pictures, too. Each picture  
showed a different martial arts technique, but there were only four in  
all throughout the twelve or so pages.

"Man, what a gyp." Tannim said, disappointed. He tossed it on the  
nightstand next to his bed as he prepared for sleep. "I wonder what  
they were talking about earlier. Maybe my past isn't what I think it  
is?"

He allowed himself to lie down. "Ah, well, thinking about it won't  
help. I'll just call my parents and ask them about it tomorrow." He  
muttered sleepily to himself. Tannim's breathing eventually slowed as  
he slipped deeper into unconsciousness.

After half an hour, the martial arts pamphlet glowed from its position  
on the nightstand.

* * *

Given the recent number of life-changing situations Tannim has gone  
through, it would not have been unreasonable for him to have had a  
nightmare. Also, given that he was now unofficially Belldandy's  
boyfriend, he might have had one of THOSE dreams.

Instead, it was some middle ground. The landscape was that of some  
sort of mountain wilderness. The area he stood on was mostly flat,  
and fairly good sized, but there were steep slopes in various  
directions on all sides. Tannim took in the surroundings, not really  
understanding what he was supposed to be doing here. Didn't dreams  
usually have more action than this?

A fist slammed into the back of his head. "Ouch! That hurt!" Tannim  
turned around in shocked horror. "That hurt. Where the hell am I?"

"Welcome to cheating your way to martial arts. My name's Rukia, but  
you can call me sensei." The girl standing before him couldn't have  
been an inch over four and a half feet tall. She was wearing a black  
karate gi, and grinning at Tannim expectantly.

"Is this a dream?" Tannim muttered in shock.

"Yeah, but don't worry, it still hurts. That's how you know you're  
learning." The maniac grin, as well as the ominous cracking of  
knuckles, filled the young man with a sense of dread.

* * *

Tannim Murphy woke the next morning, and found he couldn't move a  
muscle. The dream he had the night before was quickly fading, as was  
usual for his dreams. Except this time he felt like he was forgetting  
something really important.

"The hell? What did I do last night...?" He weakly tried to sit up,  
before giving up and slumping back down. Every single muscle in his  
body felt like a lead weight. "Damn. What happened to me?"

* * *

Author's Notes: Finally, the second chapter is finished. Don't  
expect a third at the same rate as the first two, school is starting  
up after all. Please, feel free to let me know what you think.


	3. Chapter 3

Otaku Muyo 

(Because seriously, there isn't a need for this.)

by Tannim Murphy

Disclaimer: I don't own Ah! My Goddess or Sailor Moon. Nor do I own  
anything else I happen to mention that has its own fan-base. The  
characterization of Tannim Murphy is owned by me.

---

Chapter 3

---

The phone rang.

Tannim Murphy glared in the general direction of the noise, but  
otherwise made no movement. Several hours had passed since he had  
woken up that morning unable to move, and in the short time since then  
he hadn't made much progress. The only thing he could say for certain  
was that, yes, EVERY muscle in his body was sore.

Whoever it was, they hung up before the answering machine could pick  
up, but it did remind Tannim that he had to call in sick to work  
today. There was no physical way he was going to be making it to the  
front door, much less the mall.

The forced rest certainly gave Tannim time to think. He used it to  
seriously explore his feelings on the situation, and nail down his  
emotions pertaining towards Belldandy.

"This is so cool!" Despite the immense pain, Tannim was in high  
spirits. "I get to hang out with a video game playing Belldandy in...  
three years...? But don't Goddesses age at a different rate?" He  
realized, "It might take hundreds of years for her to get legal! Man,  
this sucks."

Tannim felt like crying. Rather than wishing for something useful,  
like a nuclear warhead, or perhaps dictatorship over a small country,  
he got an underage Goddess girlfriend. Granted, she was Belldandy, so  
he couldn't really complain if he wanted to. It was against his  
religion.

That lead to other thoughts, like how the hell did this alternate  
version of himself deserve a wish? They seemed to have had mostly  
identical lives, judging from the fact it took Belldandy on his  
doorstep to convince him that anything had changed. After he realized  
what was going on, careful cataloguing of the various items in his  
apartment turned up slight variations on what he already owned, but  
nothing major was changed. A prime example of this was his shirts,  
many of which have different patterns or colors than he remembered.

The phone rang again. This time Tannim made an attempt to answer it;  
he managed as far as rolling out of bed and sinking to the ground in a  
tangle of bed sheets and blankets. He panted pathetically on the  
ground as he waited for the answering machine to pick up.

click "You've reached Tannim Murphy, please leave a message." beep

"H-Hello? Tannim?"

It was Belldandy! Even as his muscles protested the movement, Tannim  
tried to drag himself along the floor to the phone.

"I hope I haven't woken you, and... well... I guess I'll just tell you  
later..." click

The long, drawn out sigh reverberated against the floor. Now he felt  
like a terrible boyfriend.

"That is it!" Tannim declared. He found new resolve and actually  
managed to push himself onto his hands and knees. "I will beat this  
thing!"

Tannim felt very uncomfortable as a pressure made itself known. He  
realized what he had to do. "To the bathroom!" he declared. The  
young man got as far as the middle of the bathroom floor before he  
collapsed again due to total muscle failure.

It might have caught Tannim off guard, but he really couldn't find it  
in himself to be surprised when his bathroom mirror began to glow.  
Even if he couldn't turn to watch, he mentally played out the scene in  
his mind as it unfolded above him.

Belldandy began to emerge, eyes closed in the pictured definition of  
innocence. Her hair hovered delicately about her as she floated into  
the cramped bathroom. Eyes closed in concentration as she settled  
down gently.

Tannim grunted under the weight. From his position face-down on the  
floor, he managed to croak out, "Gee, Bell, you're lighter than you  
look, but do you think you could get offa me?"

Belldandy's eyes flew open in shock. "I'm sorry!" she cried as she  
quickly stepped off Tannim, then paused. "What are you doing down  
there?"

"I lost a contact," he sarcastically replied.

Belldandy's face appeared next to his, and she peered deeply into his  
eyes. "I didn't know you wore contacts."

Tannim blushed under the steady gaze of Belldandy's curious  
expression. "I don't," he explained. "It was a deliberate lie, meant  
to invoke the irony of my position on the ground with the cliche that  
people on the ground are always looking for their contacts when they  
do not wish to discuss what they are really doing do there. This  
sometimes provokes laughter from those who understand the joke."  
Tannim sighed. "The truth of the matter is that my muscles have gone  
on strike."

Belldandy looked slightly stunned after the long-winded explanation.  
"Oh. Would you like me to heal you?"

"If it wouldn't be too much trouble."

"It's the least I could do." Belldandy smiled as she placed her hands  
in a position over Tannim. Warmth radiated over Tannim's back and  
throughout the rest of his body. Every muscle was being gently  
massaged at once, and the feelings of ecstasy were indescribable.  
Pure, sweet relief poured out over the young man and he wept for the  
sheer joy of it. When she was done, Tannim didn't move for several  
seconds afterwards, reveling in the sheer joy of not feeling pain  
again.

He sat up, stretching. "I feel like a million bucks! Thanks  
Belldandy..." his voice trailed off as he finally turned to look at  
her. She was out cold. Tannim sighed.

With his muscles renewed and his strength returned, Tannim gently  
picked up the sleeping Belldandy and set her down on the couch. She  
was incredibly light, so much so that Tannim had to look down several  
times to make sure that she was still in his arms. He took a few  
moments to make sure that she would be comfortable when she awoke.

Then he beat a hasty retreat to the bathroom.

Several minutes later, Murphy was able to resume his vigil over the  
goddess. It wasn't long before she finally stirred from her sleep.

"Have a good nap?" asked Tannim gently as he peered down at her. He  
was currently leaning on the back of the couch so he could have a  
stable position to watch Belldandy's face.

Belldandy's eyes fluttered open. They finally settled on Tannim and  
she smiled. "Are you all right?" were the first words past her lips.

"I'm fine," he reassured. With gentle admonishment, he said "You  
shouldn't have used so much of your power at once."

"I didn't mean to alarm you," she said as she closed her eyes again.  
Her voice was sleepy as she spoke. "We Goddesses usually rely on  
Yggdrasil's--"

"I know," interrupted Tannim. "I just want you to rest for now."

"But how could you...?" She turned a sleepy, questioning look at  
Murphy.

Tannim coughed nervously. "I'll tell you later. Right now, you  
should get some more sleep."

The repeated suggestions finally had their desired effect, and  
Belldandy drifted off again. As sleep claimed her she curled up  
slightly on the couch.

"I wish I could join you," whispered Tannim wearily. He still had  
work to do.

Over the next half hour or so, Tannim roundly cursed himself for not  
keeping more personal records about his past. It was one thing to  
decide to call up your folks; it was another to realize that one wrong  
word or seven might get you arrested for impersonation or fraud. And  
Tannim really didn't want to resort to any sort of amnesia shtick.

Ironically, it wasn't until after he had given up and decided to go  
over some old mail, did Tannim find a clue. It was in the form of an  
unopened envelope from an address in New York City. He did not know  
anyone from New York.

"Now who could this be from?" He ripped off the top and shook out the  
card inside. A piece of paper fluttered to the floor, which Tannim  
ignored for the moment, intent on the card. It read:

Hey, Kiddo. Just wanted to let you know  
I'm looking out for you.  
-Pops

Tannim bent over and retrieved the scrap of paper. It was a voucher  
good for two (2) free dinners at the local Creme De La Creme. Tannim  
examined the fine print further. The Creme was notorious for being  
the most expensive restaurant in town, and if he was reading it  
right... this entitled two people to an all you can eat buffet,  
courtesy of the person who issued the voucher. No limitations were  
listed anywhere; in fact the only thing of real interest was the name  
of the issuer: The Masters Foundation.

"Why does that sound so familiar?" wondered Tannim to himself as  
placed the voucher in his wallet for safe-keeping.

Tannim briefly looked in Belldandy's direction as she stirred, but did  
not waken. His eyes drifted over the rest of the small apartment,  
until they came to rest on his laptop.

The young man switched the machine on as he chortled. "Google, what  
would we do without you?" It was a simple matter to type in a search  
for the name. The first return was the homepage for a major  
corporation. He clicked on it.

What he discovered was that it was the business end of a string of  
hotel chains. Not just any hotels, either; these were the most  
expensive and exclusive in the world. What really floored Tannim was  
the name of one its chairmen.

"Ken Masters."

There was no mistaking it. The picture shown on the website was a  
perfect match for a Street Fighter version of Ken Masters aged to  
around forty years old. It was here, while reading Ken's biography,  
Tannim made a startling discovery.

"...family includes loving wife Eliza, and adopted son Tannim Murphy.  
Tannim was orphaned in a tragic accident at the tender age of nine,  
after which Ken then immediately filed for the adoption of his then  
godson..."

Tannim had to quickly remind himself that HIS parents were alive and  
well, just in another dimension. Even so, he couldn't help but feel  
emotional at the realization that the two pillars of strength that he  
had relied upon were suddenly gone. It was also the first big  
difference between the two worlds that had hit so close to home. He  
had honestly thought he was going to be able to bring Belldandy home  
to meet the folks.

"...Tannim...?" The voice called out weakly from the couch.

Tannim closed the laptop and moved over to Belldandy. He resumed his  
hover above the goddess. "Are you feeling better?" he asked.

The fifteen year old nodded as she stretched luxuriously. Tannim  
quickly averted his eyes. "Your injuries were more extensive than I  
realized." She turned to look at him with concern. "Who did such a  
horrible thing to you?"

"I suspect it's the side effect of somethin' messin' with my dreams.  
I just can't remember what," answered Tannim grumpily. "I'm very  
grateful you're here, Belldandy, but what are you doing here anyways?  
I thought you were going to... age a little first."

Belldandy smiled brightly, and lit up the room in the process. "Your  
wish has had farther reaching effects any anyone could have  
anticipated," she said merrily. "I'm tempted to think that Kami-sama  
had a hand in it, but the Ultimate Force does what it will."

"What? What's going on?" He asked nervously.

"Well," she paused to grin conspiratorially, "Once your wish was made  
a timer began to count down on Yggdrasil's mainframe. It took the  
System Operator quite some time to decipher what it was for."

"Yes? And?"

"It appears that to fulfill the wish, Yggdrasil will accelerate  
Heaven's time three years over three Earth days." Belldandy was  
practically beside herself with glee at this point.

It took a few moments for that statement to filter through Tannim's  
brain. "How is that going to fulfill the wish?" he wondered aloud.

Belldandy blushed and she began to fidget slightly. "Kami-sama says  
I'm not allowed to have a boyfriend until I'm eighteen. As long as  
I'm not allowed to date, I can't have a boyfriend. This is what the  
Ultimate Force decided to do in order to grant the wish."

"Well... that's great! But that doesn't explain why you're here now."

"Heaven is very busy preparing for the change. Kami-sama said I could  
have a few days off to get a feel for life on Earth."

'I bet I know another reason,' thought Tannim irritably. 'He's  
expecting ME to explain the situation to Bell.' Aloud, he asked a  
question that had been bothering him. "Why do you say 'Kami-sama'?  
Why not God, or the Lord? Or Odin, for that matter?"

A mischievous glint entered Belldandy's eyes. "He asked me to call  
Him that whenever I was around you. He said you'd know what it  
means."

Tannim gulped. "I'll, uh, explain later," he weakly replied.

Before Belldandy could say anything more, the phone rang. Tannim felt  
relieved at the interruption as he moved to answer it. "Hello?"

"Tannim? You all right? Didn't get beat up by a girl, did you?" It  
was Gunter.

"Oh, hey boss. I was going to call. I can't come into work today."

"What? Why?" Gunter didn't sound terribly surprised.

"Well, yesterday this hobo in the park sold me a martial arts pamphlet  
on the way home from work. When I got home... oh, hey, that reminds  
me," Tannim switched the subject as he let irritation creep into his  
voice. "You didn't tell me you had an organization known only as 'The  
Agency' after you."

Silence greeted Tannim for a few moments as he waited for an answer.

"...you didn't ask..." finally came the mumbled reply.

Tannim rolled his eyes. "Anyways, after that I got home all right.  
But the next morning I awoke sore all over. I'm pretty sure something  
messed with my dreams, but I can't remember. Luckily my girlfriend  
decided to visit, and she healed me."

Gunter's voice sounded amused. "Oh, I know what kind of healing she  
gave you. Of the physical kind. I know you kids these days."

"Actually, she cast a spell on me."

Now Gunter chuckled. "I bet she did."

"No, I mean white magic D&D style. She's a Goddess." Tannim was  
smiling now.

"...look, if you want to avoid the Amazons, you just have to say it.  
I understand."

Tannim grinned at Belldandy, who looked back with puzzled curiosity.  
He was getting a really big kick about explaining things exactly as  
they were and not being believed. "But I'm telling the truth," he  
insisted.

"Whatever, take a couple days off. But I expect you to be back by  
Saturday." The line went dead.

Tannim pulled the phone away from his ear and looked at it with  
bemusement. "Well, that was easier than expected. I thought I was  
going to have to beg those days out of him." He set the phone back  
down. "It looks like we've got the next couple of days to ourselves,"  
remarked Tannim.

Immediately Belldandy's eyes swiveled to the Xbox.

The young man grinned slowly. He intoned slowly with a deep, booming,  
voice, "Would you like to play a game?"

The young goddess nodded slowly as though entranced.

It took a few minutes, but once again Belldandy was cheerfully  
fragging aliens on Halo 2. She was sitting in the recliner, while  
Tannim took up the couch.

The young man was trying to make heads or tails of the martial arts  
booklet he had bought. The script was unlike anything he had seen  
before, so he settled down to try puzzling out the pictures. It was  
the same man in four different poses, each pose a different attack.

They didn't look particularly impressive. The first had the man  
simply punching forward with his fist. The second had his arms  
outstretched parallel either side with the tips of the fingers pointed  
up, palms outward. The third had him couched and glaring at the  
reader, while the fourth just had the man standing there with his eyes  
closed and holding his fingertips to his temples.

Tannim yawned. It was either the events catching up to him, or the  
effects of last night, but he was feeling beat. On the back of his  
couch he kept a blanket just for such emergencies, and he used it now.  
"I'm feeling pretty tired, Belldandy. I think I'm going to take a  
nap..." he trailed off sleepily.

Belldandy nodded absently; her eyes never left the screen as she  
reacted to the simulated carnage with inhuman speed and reflexes. The  
difficulty setting was legendary.

Half an hour later, Belldandy was shocked into dropping her  
controller. Out from the book snapped a magical bond that linked and  
enveloped Tannim faster than she could blink. A second look revealed  
that it was neither Demonic nor Heavenly in origin. A third was  
needed because she still wasn't sure exactly what was going on.

She really regretted not paying more attention in Worldly Magics  
class...

As the minutes passed, Belldandy became very worried. The magic of  
the book was somehow interacting with Tannim's sleep, and causing him  
to clench and unclench his muscles. The regular whimper every five  
seconds or so was cause for concern as well. She nodded to herself  
with determination, "I've got to get to the bottom of this."

The blanket was pulled off of Tannim's sleeping form just enough so  
that Belldandy could squeeze underneath. Once she had situated  
herself, she touched her forehead to Tannim's and projected her mind  
into his dreams.

---

Rolling hills of verdant green met with a babbling brook in the center  
of it all. The dreamscape was surrounded by steep mountainsides, and  
aside from the grass it was only dotted with the occasional tree.

What surprised Belldandy was that it was... peaceful. Certainly not  
the sort of area that would inspire terror.

Was that a scream?

Silence greeted her as she tried to locate the sound. Then, just  
below her hearing, a faint buzz began. It grew quickly after that.

"...rrrrrrrraaaaaaaAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHH!"

Belldandy turned just in time to watch Tannim leap over her, before  
using the top of her head like a springboard. This sent her off  
balance enough so that she was totally unprepared for the girl chasing  
Tannim to do the exact same thing; Belldandy was slammed  
unceremoniously onto the ground face-first.

'Did I just pass something?' The thought flitted through Tannim's mind  
amidst the'OH-CRAP-OH-CRAP-OH-CRAP-OH-CRAP  
THIS-TIME-I'M-REALLY-GONNA-DIE!' mantra that he usually  
employed. Rather than look back (and thus chance loosing his footing)  
he made seventeen evasive maneuvers that allowed him to begin running  
in the opposite direction.

This had cost him the left sleeve of his shirt.

However, it did allow Murphy to finally see that Belldandy, of all  
people, had shown up in this dream. Why she was standing up with a  
pained expression and dusting dirt off her face was a mystery that  
could wait. He first had a dangerous task to accomplish.

Tannim slammed his heels hard into the ground, creating furrows in the  
grass that grew there. Once his forward moment had been successfully  
halted, he turned around just in time to receive a right hook across  
the jaw.

This didn't deter him, however. "Rukia!" He got a left jab to the  
kidney for his trouble. "RUKIA!"

Tannim was blindly taking hits now, simply trying to hold onto his  
opponent's shoulders. He latched onto her and screamed into her ear,  
"SEEEEENSEEEEEEI!"

Rukia kneed Tannim in the groin... hard. But it seemed to do the  
trick, because rather than following up with a killing move, she  
backed off and huffed at the young man. "What?"

Mutely, Tannim pointed towards Belldandy. He was currently curled up  
in the fetal position on the ground.

Rukia turned towards where he had pointed. "We have a visitor. Why  
didn't you say so?"

Tannim sobbed in pain, both physical and emotional.

"Um... hello?" asked Belldandy uncertainly.

Rukia casually kicked Tannim like a downed puppy. "Get up and  
introduce us you lazy sack of bones."

The fear of pain is a great motivator, and the use of that motivation  
to teach was a doctrine that Rukia wholeheartedly believed in. Tannim  
shot up from the ground in an instant. "Rukia-sensei, this is the  
Goddess, Belldandy! Belldandy, I'd like to introduce you to my  
teacher, Rukia!" He collapsed immediately afterwards and resumed  
whimpering.

"Did I come at a bad time?" asked Belldandy uncertainly.

Rukia waved off Tannim. "Don't mind him, he's always like that. Can  
I get you some tea?"

Belldandy looked surprised. "Yes!"

It was fifteen minutes later when Tannim had finally managed to  
overcome the majority of the pain. He found the two girls chatting  
amiably.

It was Rukia who finally spotted him. "Glad you're finally up, sleepy  
head. What do you mean to tell me I've been running you ragged?"

"Are you referring to how you abuse the fact that I cannot actually  
die in here to the OUTMOST and have made my training sessions nothing  
more than a living hell where I am killed over and over in various  
ways?" snarled Tannim angrily.

"Well, yeah. It's the fastest way to learn after all."

"I couldn't move the next morning! I'm almost sure that if Belldandy  
hadn't arrived, I'd have fallen back asleep, and the next session  
would have killed me for real."

"Hmm..." Rukia gripped her chin in contemplation.

Tannim turned a flat look on her. "No. Don't tell me..."

"...I wondered why men never stayed for more than two training  
sessions. I figured it was because of my assertive personality."  
Rukia nodded decisively.

Belldandy tried to giggle, but sound came out all distorted. Her  
image began to waver and flicker. She looked tired as she said, "I'm  
almost out of power. I must go."

"Just remember to tell me everything when you wake up!" shouted Tannim  
hastily.

Belldandy nodded as she faded from the dream.

Teacher and student sat in companionable silence. Finally, Rukia  
stood up. "Well, you seem like you've got panicking and dodging down  
to a fine art, how about we practice some moves?"

Tannim leapt up to join her, but then hesitated. "Um, there's  
something I need to ask of you."

"Very well." Rukia settled down in the seiza position on the grass.  
"For the student to petition the teacher, first we must sit."

For the uninitiated, seiza is the incredibly uncomfortable practice of  
sitting directly on the back of one's folded legs. While it did have  
the benefit of being the most compact sitting position a person could  
easily obtain, that fact was often overshadowed by the pain it causes  
those unused to the practice.

The young man hadn't hesitated in following Rukia's example. No  
amount of pins and needles could compare to one of her training  
sessions. He was also terrified that if he didn't do everything JUST  
SO, Rukia was going to start attacking him again.

Tannim sat still for a few moments, trying to figure out a way to  
phrase his request so that he wouldn't get eviscerated.

Rukia snarled angrily, "So? What did you want to talk about  
already?"

"Right. If, er, you could send me back, I'd appreciate it. I think  
Belldandy might need my help. And," he took a deep breath. This was  
the hard part. "I need to learn some of those special attacks in the  
book. In a few days I might have to fight, and any edge would be  
beneficial." He finished in a rush.

Rukia closed her eyes and nodded seriously. "The techniques I shall  
pass on to you are unique to this school. They were taught to me by  
my teacher, Azrael-sensei," she crossed herself, "may his fro live  
forever."

Tannim nodded seriously, intent on her words.

"The first attack, and the basis for the rest of the school, is a  
powerful one. It is simple, straightforward, and effective. It's  
name?"

The young man leaned forward.

"Gaijin Smash."

Tannim suddenly found himself tasting dirt as he lost motor control  
from surprise. He pushed himself far enough off the ground to talk  
comfortably. His voice was incredulous as he said, "Gaijin Smash?"

"Gaijin Smash." Rukia nodded again, her eyes still closed.

"You have got to be kidding me..." he muttered.

Acting as though she didn't hear him, Rukia continued. "You must  
master this dangerous technique if you wish to learn the Gaijin  
Perimeter and the Gaijin Optic Blast."

Tannim let himself flop to the ground. There were no more heroes.  
"What, no Gaijin Telepathy?" he asked sarcastically.

The gasp from Rukia was surprising to say the least. "That technique  
is forbidden! How do you know of it?"

"Geez, I was just kidding around," said Tannim nervously as he turned  
to look at her.

"Never speak of it again!" Rukia warned Tannim. This was emphasized  
by a punch to the face.

A painful "hai, sensei," floated up from Tannim's prone position.

"Good." A mollified Rukia retracted her fist.

Murphy shook off that love tap, and propped himself up on an elbow  
while he grinned at Rukia. In a last-ditch effort to try to placate  
her, he tried one of the oldest lines in the book. "You know, you're  
pretty cute when you're mad."

"You can go now." Rukia quickly waved her hand. She was blushing,  
though, and pointedly did not look at him.

---

Tannim jolted awake. He was a bit sore, but no where near as sore as  
he was that morning. The young man mostly just felt tired. That was  
when he was made aware of another sensation. It wasn't unpleasant,  
just unexpected and, ultimately, unwanted at this time.

Belldandy had fallen asleep while lying on top of him. Her head was  
currently resting on his chest, and-- Tannim halted any further  
thoughts as he scrambled off the couch. His body tingled all over.

"That was close," he muttered fearfully. After taking a deep breath,  
he managed to ask, "You all right Belldandy?"

The resounding snore was all the reply Tannim needed. He gently  
tucked the blanket around Belldandy and smiled as she unconsciously  
snuggled deeper into the couch. A strand of light-brown hair fell  
over her face to complete the picture, and Tannim wished fervently  
that he had a camera.

Picking the martial arts booklet off the ground, Tannim flipped it  
open and shut randomly a few times. He tossed the object onto the  
recliner on his way to the kitchen. He still couldn't make heads or  
tails of it.

And why had Belldandy fallen asleep like that, anyways? Did she try  
to do something about his dreams?

As it was nearing lunch, and Tannim busied himself with making a  
triple batch of Ramen. It was his last three packages. "I need to go  
shopping," he muttered as went through the motions of making the meal.  
It was such a practiced task that he no longer needed to consciously  
pay attention to what his body was doing, instead devoting his meager  
cranial resources on thinking.

Had he been paying more attention, he would have noticed something was  
off about his movements. He does not, after all, normally use his  
feet to close cupboards. Especially the ones located over his head.

But he was unconsciously doing so now. He had just shut one and  
paused to think when Belldandy's voice wafted in from the living area.

"Tannim... I didn't know you were so limber." She had finally woken  
and was looking on with admiration.

"Huh?" Tannim replied elegantly. "What are you talking about...?"  
His voice trailed off as, when he went to look around, his eyes fell  
onto his knee. At eye level.

"Gah!" Surprised and off-balance, Tannim slammed the back of his head  
on a counter top before crashing to the floor of the kitchen. He  
immediately stood back up. "What the?" He lifted his shirt, heedless  
of Belldandy's gaze. Tannim felt all around his chest and stomach,  
not believing his eyes.

The flab the average anime or computer nerd accumulates during the  
college lifestyle was gone, replaced with rock hard abs of rippling  
muscle usually only found on the statues of Greek Gods. In fact, now  
that he was actually paying attention to it, every muscle in his body  
felt like coiled steel, ready to spring into action. It was a heady  
sensation to suddenly be gifted with the body of your average Nerima  
martial artist.

The stunned young man said the first thing that came to mind. "I have  
no idea where this came from." He patted his six-pack for emphasis.

Belldandy could help it; she giggled. The look of shock and amazement  
on his face was just too funny. Then she looked sheepish. "I might  
have overdone it with the healing spell. I passed out because I'm not  
good at controlling how much power I put into my spells. This might  
be a side effect," she theorized.

"This is one side effect I can live with." Tannim flexed  
experimentally a few times. "I'm going to have to start getting use  
to these, and develop some sort of regimen if I want to keep them."

Belldandy stayed silent. She didn't bother to tell him that she had  
put enough energy to regenerate and revitalize his body for fifty  
years, albeit at a slower rate than the initial healing. She figured  
it'll be a very nice surprise for him down the road, and it was the  
least she could do after the wish he gave her.

Tannim's stomach grumbled loudly, and he stopped testing out his new  
muscles to finish making lunch. "How would you like to go out to  
dinner with me tonight? Not exactly a date, mind you," he hastily  
added, "I've got some vouchers for free food and... well... honestly,  
there's no more food in the house. We'd have to go out grocery  
shopping anyways, and I thought we'd better do that on a full  
stomach."

Belldandy smiled brilliantly. "I would love to!" she enthused.

Tannim blushed fiercely over the boiling ramen. 'I can't believe it!  
I just can't believe it! I just had the gall to ask Belldandy out on  
a date! And she said she'd love to! Who da man? You da man!'

---

'I can't believe it. I just can't believe it. What the HELL was I  
thinking! I can't go out on a date! Something traumatic is bound to  
happen!'

Tannim was mentally ranting as he drove himself and Belldandy to their  
destination. Okay, he could blame the siren call of food, or the  
siren call of Belldandy's company, but mostly he blamed it on sheer  
stupidity. He might have had a chance if he just gone there without  
building up to the notion in his mind of a date; now there was no  
chance. His fate was sealed, and he was on edge. He didn't have many  
enemies right now, but that didn't mean this wasn't the perfect  
opportunity for a new foe to show their face.

Would it be a Negaverse General? Or perhaps Ryouga looking for  
directions? Yohiko Readman stops by for coffee? Godzilla decides to  
take up a summer home in California? The possibilities were endless,  
not to mention terrifying.

Tannim forced himself to take a deep breath. He allowed himself a  
glance over at Belldandy, who seemed to sense his look as she turned  
to smile at him cheerfully before going back to watch the scenery go  
by. The young man felt the tension ease from his body at that single  
look.

Whatever happened, would, and he'd just have to muddle along as usual.  
There was just an air about Belldandy that, if she was smiling, then  
things really weren't all that bad after all.

As per Tannim's advice, Belldandy had morphed her usual attire into  
something more befitting a high class french restaurant. She was  
stunning in her white one-piece dress, complete with pearl necklace  
and hair tied up in a fashionable bun. She was the picture of regal  
elegance as she exited Tannim's beaten up '98 Mercury Tracer.

Meanwhile, Tannim was dressed in an old tuxedo that he owned. It  
tended to bind across the chest and shoulders, and he did have to  
cinch his belt a bit tighter, but those were discomforts that could be  
ignored or reveled in. He stepped out of the car and eyed the valet  
attendants on station.

There were four of them, a fairly eclectic mix of height and race that  
was common in California. After much heated debate, and a quick game  
of rock-paper-scissors, the loser sighed dejectedly and slumped  
forward. "I'll make sure to take real good care of her, sir," the  
valet said sarcastically as he handed Tannim a number. "No dings or  
scratches at all."

Tannim pointedly ignored this veiled insult, since he was the one  
walking in to eat rather than the one parking the cars.

Inside was a magnificent example of European architecture. Tannim was  
rendered speechless at the elegance and poise that seemed to emanate  
from the very being of this place. An older man, in his late sixties,  
was standing at a podium just outside of the restaurant proper. He  
greeted the couple with a look of wary distain.

"Reservations?" The question was delivered with the speed and  
precision of a shot.

Tannim stumbled slightly. In his defense, he hadn't been to a fancy  
restaurant like this before. Since it was a concern on his mind, and  
he was going to ask anyways, Tannim replied in a somewhat haughty  
tone, "Actually I was simply stopping by in person to confirm that  
these vouchers are valid." He pulled from his coat pocket the  
vouchers he had found that morning.

After a quick glance at the pieces of paper, the expression changed  
instantly to one of polite courtesy. "But of course, sir, your table  
is always ready." He motioned to one of the people on call nearby.  
"Your waiter shall show you the way."

The young man was of Japanese decent, and had a somewhat haughty  
bearing. Much to Tannim's annoyance, the waiter gently took  
Belldandy's hand in his and raised it to his lips. "Such a sweet  
blossom of beauty deserves only the finest of service. I shall strive  
to make your stay here a pleasurable one."

Belldandy just looked at Tannim with confusion. He leaned over in her  
direction and whispered loudly, "He's trying to steal you away from  
me."

Understanding dawned in Belldandy's eyes. "Oh, is that it?" She  
turned back to the young Japanese man, who didn't seem bothered in the  
slightest by the conversation.

He was smacked on the back of the head with a clipboard. "Hey, Mr.  
Kung Fu, stop trying to woo the ladies and get to work."

"But of course, sir. Right this way." The waiter didn't seem the  
least bit perturbed as he led the two towards the back of the dining  
hall. They were finally shown a corner of the restaurant secluded  
from the others via several strategically placed plants.

What caught Tannim's eye was the engraved bronze plate that said,  
'Reserved for the Masters Foundation.' That answered one question.

The couple were both sat down and handed menus by the restaurant  
employee. "Your personal waiter will arrive momentarily, vision of  
loveliness. Would that I could bask in thy beauty, but needs be I  
must be elsewhere. Au revoir." And with that, he left.

"What a creep," muttered Tannim under his breath.

"What was that?" Belldandy looked up from her perusal of the menu.

"It's nothing," he replied. Tannim picked up one of the menus himself  
and nearly dropped it again in shock. The prices on this thing were  
outrageous, and he couldn't understand the menu because it was  
entirely in French.

"Do you know French, Belldandy?" Tannim wondered. In the anime she  
seemed to know Japanese well enough, and here she was fluent in  
English.

"Yes. I studied all of Earth's languages when I was five."

Tannim blinked. "What, all of them?"

"Hmmhmm," Belldandy nodded absently as she continued to read the menu.

It was at this point the waitress arrived. "Hello, my name is Makoto  
Kino, and I'll-- YOU!" the sudden shout drew the attention of several  
nearby tables.

Tannim nervously waved off the inquiring looks as he simultaneously  
motioned for Makoto to keep it down. "Now's not the time. I'm a  
client right now, remember?"

Makoto growled under her breath. "Very good, SIR. What can I get the  
SIR and MADAM this evening?"

At Tannim's encouraging nod, Belldandy ordered first. Tannim's eyes  
glazed over as she started speaking perfect French while ordering, and  
Makoto was hard pressed to follow. After she finished, Makoto  
wordlessly turned to Tannim with a stare full of distain.

"I'll, uh, have what she's having," Tannim copped out.

"Very GOOD, then," said Makoto as she collected the menus. "Your  
order shall be ready shortly, SIR. Until then, PLEASE enjoy our  
complementary breadsticks!" The teenage girl stalked off with all the  
grace of an angry panther.

"I probably should have expected that," admitted Tannim. At  
Belldandy's inquiring look, he explained the situation at the mall to  
her.

"That's terrible. They're hunting you down because of an accident?"

"Eh, that's royalty for ya. 'Off with their heads,'" he mimicked.

At Belldandy's horrified expression, Tannim had to quickly explain  
where that reference came from.

---

If Makoto could have, she would have slammed the door separating the  
staff from the customers behind her. As it was, she settled for  
letting it softly close shut behind her.

The NERVE of that boy having the audacity to eat at HER parent's  
restaurant, of all places! And then HE had the gall to have HER has  
HIS waitress! He probably tips poorly too.

Makoto smiled evilly. He'd pay. Oh yes, he'd pay. "Hey, boys?" she  
called out to some of the kitchen staff. "I've got this order, but  
the guy was giving me this really creepy look; he was staring at my  
chest the whole time, and he's hanging out with this fifteen year old  
girl. I think he's some sort of pedophile."

The kitchen staff grinned. They knew what to do.

---

Tannim nervously gnawed on his third breadstick. Quite some time ago  
he had ran out of casual conversation topics and, rather than try to  
force something, he simply stayed silent. Belldandy seemed content  
with this, and her face seemed to be set permanently on 'wonderment'  
as she gawked at the people, food, and architecture. Not to mention  
the various paintings that hung throughout the place. All Tannim had  
to do was answer the occasional question, which he was more than happy  
to do.

Makoto startled Tannim out of his reverie by setting a bowl of soup  
down just hard enough to have it slosh a little bit onto Tannim's  
unprotected lap. "Your soup, SIR."

"Thanks," he muttered his reply.

"And for the madam, here is your soup," said Makoto in a much more  
pleasant tone. She turned back to stare at Tannim. "It is a  
specialty of the house. Tell me, do you like it?"

Tannim looked down at the soup. "I haven't eaten it yet."

Makoto's right fist shot towards the back of Tannim's unprotected  
head. Before it could connect her left hand snaked out and  
intercepted the right. "I know that," she said as her left eye  
twitched, "please won't you try some?"

Well, the request was reasonable enough. Tannim shrugged. "Sure."

Makoto's right eye began twitching. "What are you doing?"

Tannim paused in the middle of crumbling one of the breadsticks. "I  
like a thick soup?" he hazarded.

Makoto sighed, and waved an arm, "By all means, continue."

After Tannim finished with the first breadstick, he took a second,  
tore it in half, and plunked both torn ends into the bowl. Then he  
waited.

"Now what is it?" she asked in exasperation.

The young man shrugged. "I like eating soup with bread rather than a  
spoon. Gotta let 'em soak up. It wouldn't be proper otherwise."

Taking a deep breath, Makoto slowly let it out. She waved her arm  
again and repeated, "By all means."

Tannim gingerly hefted the breadstick out of the bowl, and started to  
slowly lift it toward his open mouth. Makoto watched on with eager  
anticipation.

"ALL RIGHT, NOBODY MOVE, EVERYONE PLEASE REMAIN CALM!"

Everyone, including Tannim, stopped what they were during and turned  
to the speaker. He was wearing a brown hooded sweater and a pair of  
blue jeans, with sunglasses covering his eyes. Next to him stood a  
woman dressed similarly, but with a green sweater.

One of the patrons near him coughed pointedly, and asked, "Why?"

The man looked lost for words for a moment. Then he remembered. "Oh,  
right. I didn't say. Ahem," he cleared his throat.

"THIS IS A FUCKING ROBBERY!" screamed the woman as she pulled out an  
Uzi from underneath her clothes. The man quickly did the same with a  
pistol.

A whimper escaped Tannim's lips.

---

To be continued...

Author's notes: I appreciate everyone who responds to my stories.  
More often than not whenever someone mentions a plot point they're  
concerned over I've forgotten about it while trying to nail down what  
happens three chapters from now.

For those concerned about the cliffhanger, I do have a lot of the next  
chapter already written. I just figured it was time I'd post  
something.

Post Disclaimer: Azrael, Gaijin Smash, Gaijin Perimiter, and Gaijin  
Optic Blast all belong to the good folks over at Gaijin Smash dot Net.  
Not only are they a great read, but they're also an excellent source of  
current Japanese behavior from a foreigner's perspective. If you'd like  
to check out the website, you're going to have to google it.


	4. Chapter 4

Otaku Muyo

(Because really, I shouldn't be doing this.)

by Tannim Murphy

Disclaimer: Characters here are used without permission of their  
creators.

* * *

Chapter 4

* * *

"When's Belldandy coming home?"

The tired sigh heaved in response was loud and long. "I don't know,  
Skuld. She said she'd be back sometime before the change."

Skuld pouted cutely. It was hard for her to do anything NOT cute,  
since she was at the age of nine. Even when she got angry (now that  
she thought about it, especially when she got angry) nobody would take  
her seriously.

Just because she wouldn't pay attention to her teachers, they thought  
she was a dunce. Her classmates were boring. Nobody would let her  
near the really good technical stuff, and she could only draft so many  
blueprints before she went crazy. If she didn't have her sisters  
around to play with, she'd have died from sheer boredom years ago.

The only family she really had besides mom was her sisters, and she  
wasn't used to not having them around. They'd always been there, and  
now that Belldandy was gone... it was as if something was clenching  
the inside of her chest. She didn't like the feeling, and wanted it  
to go away.

"But I want her back now-w-w..." whined Skuld.

Urd tossed the manga she was reading to the side in annoyance. "Give  
it a rest already! I know! She'll be back soon! Be patient! Jeez!"  
The goddess stormed off in a huff.

Skuld frowned. That hadn't gone according to plan. Usually if she  
whined enough her sisters would cave in. Now she'd have to improvise.

* * *

Urd grumbled under her breath. Even at the best of times, her temper  
wasn't known for being the best, but she didn't usually blow up on her  
little sister like that. It's just that the brat's whining was  
calling attention to the very thing she was trying to forget.

Belldandy had a boyfriend. And she didn't.

Not only that, but she was now guaranteed a GOOD one.

FOREVER!

What kind of LUCK does a Goddess have to have to get a mortal to wish  
THAT for her?

That thought brought Urd up short. What if there was some sort of  
reverse-wish system embedded in Yggdrasil that occasionally granted an  
exceptionally good Goddesses' greatest hearts desire? Belldandy was  
one of the few people she knew that would definitely qualify for such  
a thing, even if she was a bloodthirsty maniac sometimes; Urd supposed  
the aggression had to go somewhere.

Still, she made a note to herself to try and behave more, and be nicer  
to people. You never know.

Anyways, now that she had been interrupted from reading the latest  
Skysaber manga, she needed something else to occupy her. She hadn't  
been consciously thinking about it, but her feet took her to the open  
access points to Yggdrasil for trainees.

A quick glance revealed no one else around, and she darted into the  
room. Everyone had been given this time off to wrap up affairs with  
their friends and kin in the mortal world, since during the three days  
the two would be effectively cut off. Many of the younger deities  
were out partying. As a result, the area was deserted.

Urd eased herself into her familiar station, and booted up the heavily  
modified point. Many of the restrictions preventing some of the more  
interesting functions had been removed, and several more were being  
circumvented. It was a patch job that Urd had been working on since  
the beginning of her school career, and she was proud of it. Not only  
did it allow a greater range of Yggdrasil's data base, she also could  
access a direct viewing of the mortal plane.

Of course, she had spelled it so that anyone looking over her shoulder  
would see her playing a game of minesweeper or something just as  
harmless. That was also a note of pride.

The goddess implemented those features now, and used them to locate  
Belldandy. Then she tweaked a few more things to get a visual at the  
situation. What she saw caused her to gasp in surprise.

"What is it big sister?"

Urd snapped her head back. "What are you doing here, Skuld?" she  
asked in surprise.

"I followed you of course," the young goddess replied in a  
condescending manner.

Urd quickly looked back from the monitor, clearly torn. She shrugged  
slightly to herself and waved Skuld over. "Well, hurry up and get  
over here, something is happening to Belldandy."

Skuld looked concerned as she padded over and hopped up onto Urd's  
lap. Once sharing the same view space she saw what Urd had seen, and  
it too, made her gasp.

"Is that--?"

Urd nodded. "Yes. I just hope that boy Tannim she's with..." she  
trailed off, not really wanting to voice the thought.

"You'd better not let anything happen to Belldandy!" Skuld shouted  
loudly at the monitor.

* * *

'Whatever happens, I had BETTER not let anything happen to Belldandy,'  
thought Tannim.

Well, it wasn't the Pulp Fiction scene that he had feared. The couple  
slowly going through the lined-up patrons and taking their possessions  
seemed moderately sane. Aside from the initial outburst, Tannim had  
noted several clues that indicated that had been an act. She hadn't  
continued to rant, except when to put on her 'game face' and scare the  
customers.

The man was currently politely asking each person to deposit their  
wallets as well as any jewelry into the pillow sack he had brought.  
"Please, take off any rings, necklaces, earrings, diamond hairpins  
and, let it be noted, we'll allow you to keep your hairpins devoid of  
precious stones. Yes, thank you, keep it up..." he continued in a  
steady monotone that kept the patrons calm enough to do as he  
requested.

The pistol he kept clenched in his right hand kept any ideas of  
heroism firmly from anyone's mind. The woman was currently  
threatening the kitchen staff and employees, who were lined up on the  
opposite side of the restaurant. Her Uzi was held casually in their  
direction, but no one made any move to oppose her.

Tannim and Belldandy were the last ones in line, Makoto having been  
separated and placed with the rest of the kitchen staff.

Well, this was better than Tannim had expected, in all honesty. A  
simple robbery that would just deprive him of the few bills he had  
left was preferable to, say, a youma attack.

The young man glanced over to Belldandy to see how she was holding up,  
and saw she was clutching her left ear worriedly.

'Must be a nervous habit,' thought Tannim as he turned to look back at  
the robbers. A few seconds later another thought struck him and he  
looked sharply back at her. It was then that he realized Belldandy  
was worriedly clutching at the golden earring that served as her  
limiter.

Tannim had no idea what would happen if a new first-class Goddess had  
her limiter taken off while on earth, but he was almost certain it  
wouldn't be good.

'Great, now I've got to play the hero,' he thought morbidly. 'I am  
going to die. I'm going to die in an anime universe protecting  
Belldandy.' He mulled that thought over. 'Actually, that sounds like  
a good way to go.'

"Belldandy, get behind me," Tannim ordered stoically as he positioned  
himself between the upcoming criminal. Wordlessly, Belldandy did as  
asked.

Tannim internally quailed. He had taken Aikido for a while, and had  
learned a few disarming techniques, but this was NOT the time to test  
rusty skills with new reflexes. Not against a gun, with Belldandy on  
the line. It was up to his rusty acting abilities, and he mentally  
cursed himself for always being a ham on stage.

"Thank you, thank you, don't worry, this'll all be over soon, thank  
you," continued the robber down the line until he finally reached  
Tannim. The criminal jingled the sack slightly in expectation.

The young man shrugged, and pulled out the slim piece of leather he  
called a wallet. "Here you go. As I'm a struggling college student  
dining here on my parent's dime, there isn't much." It was pointed,  
flashy, and dramatic; Tannim prayed to Kami-sama that it would put the  
robber off enough not to notice that--

"And?"

Damn.

"What?" asked Tannim obliviously.

"That's a very beautiful earring your lady-friend has there," the man  
said as he nodded in her direction. She shrank back against Tannim  
under the gesture. "I noticed it across the room, and I'm sure the  
misses would love to have it."

Tannim shook his head. "Sorry, not for sale, rent, or trade."

"You don't seem to be understanding the situation," the robber said as  
he pointed the gun directly at Tannim's forehead, barrel inches away.

This was a sort of win slash lose situation for Tannim. He mentally  
cheered that the robber had made such an amateur mistake; he knew a  
very quick and easy move to disarm him. However, he now had to deal  
with a gun pointed at his head. Tannim was very nervous, and his eyes  
were drawn to the gun barrel.

His eyes widened. Then they darted over to the girl robber,  
searching. They found what they were looking for, and his teeth  
clenched. He began flexing his hands open and closed. Then he began  
to chuckle through his clenched teeth.

The robber looked confused at this point. "Jeez, you had better not  
have broken from the stress," he said peevishly.

Before the man could blink, Tannim performed the maneuver flawlessly.  
It consisted of him simply spreading his legs so that his head got out  
of the line of fire, while at the same time shooting the arms up to  
push the gun away. In another second the gun was snatched from the  
surprised robber's fingertips.

Startling the rest of the room, the gun broke in half in Tannim's hand  
as he clenched his newly-formed muscles in anger. Bits of plastic  
clattered to the floor.

"You BASTARD! You PRICK!" growled Tannim in seething rage. "You  
tried to rob us with a couple of WATER GUNS?!"

The man gulped as he started to back away nervously. Was that boy  
starting to glow?

Lighting-fast, Tannim's fist shot out and impacted against the side of  
the man's head; the blow sent the would-be robber to the ground,  
unconscious.

Tannim sharply turned to the woman. He began stomping towards her,  
his face a mask of pure fury.

She began backing away hurriedly, nervously saying, "S-stop,  
s-s-s-stay where you are!" She weakly pointed the toy Uzi in Tannim's  
direction.

The furious young man snatched the object out her hands and snapped it  
in two. The girl fell to the ground in surprise, horror evident on  
her features.

Tannim raised a fist, and the woman cringed. However, rather than  
complete the motion, he pointed over towards the fallen man. "Get  
yourself over there and wait until the police arrive, or so BELL help  
me I'll..." he punctuated the sentence in a threatening growl.

The woman eeped and scrambled over to the man's side.

General applause and cheering erupted from the assembled patrons. It  
acted like a bucket of cold water to Tannim's emotions, and all rage  
vanished. He grinned sheepishly at the applause, and even more  
sheepishly at the wolf whistles as Belldandy latched onto him in a  
fierce hug.

* * *

It would be several hours before the pandemonium would finally calm  
down. Many of the patrons had decided to express their gratitude by  
the way of monetary compensation, and Tannim didn't have the heart to  
turn them down. They had, after all, heard he was a struggling  
college student.

Once the police had arrived, the two would-be robbers were carted  
away. Later Tannim discovered they were Dick and Jane Harper, a  
married couple who had formerly been living the big life. They had  
apparently fallen on hard times and taken to robbing to pay for their  
debts. After the police finished questioning Tannim and getting his  
contact information, he was told that he could go.

The couple was once again driving aimlessly through the city. It was  
getting fairly late, and the sun had long set. The two sat in  
companionable silence, even if Belldandy had a large smile on her face  
that did not seem to be dimming any time soon.

"Well, at least we have enough money to afford decent food now." The  
young man glanced behind him at the pile of cash and checks he had  
received; it filled the pool behind Belldandy's chair. He might as  
well have robbed the place himself. "Do you know how to cook yet?"

Belldandy shook her head in response.

"No worries, we'll make do. It might not be a Kasumi, or one of your  
dishes, but it'll do," said Tannim absently. He was actually paying  
attention to the mental list he had started to make and his driving  
rather than what his mouth was saying.

The young goddess remained silent, and her smile fell slightly. How  
did he know how good a cook she would be? And what's a Kasumi?

"But I'm pretty hungry still..." he patted his stomach. "In all the  
commotion we forgot to eat. I guess we'd better run through a fast  
food joint."

It was then that Tannim pulled up to an unfamiliar intersection and  
stared at the place he had found. Bueno Nacho, the sign proclaimed  
for all to see. Straight out of the Kim Possible cartoon complete  
with giant taco marker and sombrero hat roof. "Mexican sound all  
right?"

"Sure," nodded Belldandy.

* * *

"Okay, that's enough watching Belldandy, we should really get going  
before mom gets suspicious..." said Urd warningly.

"But I wanna watch that guy some more!"

"No buts! We're going home to wait for Belldandy. Mother said that  
if I didn't have you home at a decent time she'd have my hide."

Skuld winced. Mom was one of the combat goddesses, assigned to  
special duty. She could get a little... carried away ...with  
punishment. "Okay, all right, fine," assented the young goddess.

As the console was shut down, and safeties put back into place,  
Skuld's analytical mind sprang to life. It memorized every detail and  
movement that her sister made, and filed it away for future reference.

* * *

"I'd like to take advantage of your Naco night special to order four  
Nacos for myself and my friend," proclaimed Tannim.

Ned, as his nametag stated, simply stared back with a long-suffering  
gaze. His voice was pitched artificially high in an attempt to be  
cheery, as he replied, "That'll be two dollars and fifteen cents.  
Would you like to try our Diablo Sauce with that?"

"Is it the kind of Diablo Sauce that'll keep your mitts warm on a cold  
day?" asked Tannim slyly.

Ned's look became shifty. "I'm sorry; we don't carry a line of sauce  
that hot any more. It's been discontinued."

"Is there... any way ...I could find some?" Tannim said as he flashed  
a wad of bills.

Tannim's order was placed on the counter next to him. As Ned went to  
push it forward, he slipped in two small packets. "Here is your order  
sir, and have a bueno day."

The young man handed Ned a one hundred dollar bill. "Keep the  
change," he said, and walked away. The look of surprise was  
priceless, and Tannim had a huge grin on his face as he sat down.  
Behind him Ned sputtered trying to formulate some sort of response.

"That was nice of you," smiled Belldandy.

Tannim shrugged. "One good turn deserves another." He didn't bother  
to mention some of the checks he had received ranged in the thousands.  
That and the lowest bill he had on him WAS a hundred.

"Still... I'm glad to have met you Tannim." Belldandy positively  
beamed.

Tannim blushed under the onslaught. He quickly joked, "You may not be  
after you try the Naco."

"What's a Naco?" asked the young goddess.

"The union of the taco and the nacho," explained Tannim as he went  
into teacher mode. "Inventor of which is Ron Stoppable, better known  
as Kim Possible's sidekick. He is also the arch-foe of Monty Fisk  
a.k.a. Monkey Fist, and wielder of the mystical Lotus Blade. He gets  
a royalty fee of five cents for each Naco sold." His voice took on a  
wistful quality, and he leaned on one arm. "Man, were THEY surprised  
when he got his first check. Then he went all crazy with money the  
money. If it wasn't for--"

Belldandy smiled sadly. "You're doing it again."

Tannim halted in his tirade. "Doing what?"

"I don't know," she said, looking pensive. "You keep saying things  
like you know them when you shouldn't. Like about me, and..." her  
voice trailed off. She leaned her head forward so that her hair  
shielded her eyes from view. "I just don't want you to get in trouble  
is all. It's all right if you don't want to tell me."

Tannim reached across the table and grasped Belldandy's hand  
reassuringly. "I do want to tell ya, Bell, always have. But I think  
this might put me in a bit of trouble. You deserve to know anyways,  
and I'm sorry for putting it off this long."

Over the course of devouring the meal, the displaced college student  
gave Belldandy a quick run-down of the situation.

"So that's why you recognized me!" she exclaimed, before worriedly  
asking, "Was it a good show?"

Tannim smirked. "Yeah. It's really popular."

"So what's my life like?"

That brought Tannim up short. How do you answer a question like that?  
He decided on truthfully. "You fall in love with a great guy, stay on  
Earth, and have all sorts of adventures with your sisters. There are  
some hard times, but those are usually outweighed by the good ones."  
He paused. "You're taking this rather calmly."

Belldandy smiled. "I'm just relieved that I know the truth now." The  
smile fell moments later. "But you're right; I'm not sure how they'd  
react. I'll have to do some checking." She giggled slightly. "Looks  
like I'm going to be busy the next three years."

Tannim frowned deeply. "About that, Belldandy, and about the wish,  
and everything. The guy's name is Keiichi Morisato, and he lives--"  
Tannim was interrupted by Belldandy placing a finger on his lips. He  
waited for her to speak.

"That's not me," stated Belldandy firmly. She stared hard into  
Tannim's eyes. "That was a different girl." Her eyes softened. "I  
believe you were brought here for a reason. We did not meet by  
chance."

Tannim waited until Belldandy retracted her finger before speaking.  
"Okay. I understand your point. But please understand mine: you're  
young. You're kind, caring, wonderful, and willing to fight for those  
you believe in. You deserve better than me, and I know of at least  
one guy more suited to the task." Tannim halted Belldandy from saying  
anything with a raised hand. "Just, think about it, all right?"

Belldandy nodded slowly.

"Okay. Tonight, we're going home to sleep. Tomorrow, we can shop."

Belldandy nodded again, more decisively this time. "When you talk to  
Rukia tonight, please let her know I enjoyed her tea."

Tannim paused. "Who?"

On the drive back to the apartment Belldandy explained what had been  
happening with Tannim's dreams.

Belldandy was still apologizing when they arrived. "I'm so sorry! I  
completely forgot to tell you about it!" she apologized for what  
seemed like the hundredth time.

"It's all right, Belldandy," reassured Tannim for what felt like the  
hundredth time. "As long as you told me before I went to sleep  
again... at least now I know what's going on. Here," Tannim opened  
the door to the bedroom. "You get the bed, I get the couch. No  
arguments, it's my house."

Belldandy smiled wanly and hugged Tannim on her way to the bed.  
"Thanks."

The young man patted Belldandy on the back. "You're a good kid.  
Sleep well." Tannim closed the door to the room behind Belldandy,  
before moving over to the couch and flopping down on it tiredly.

About a half an hour after Tannim fell asleep, the book on the  
recliner began to glow.

* * *

Tannim gulped. He was currently standing twenty meters away from  
Rukia who, by the way, had her fist glowing at the moment. Much to  
his chagrin, Rukia would only teach any technique or move after first  
using it on him at full force. This was to insure that he'd know  
exactly how much damage he would be causing an opponent.

At least, that was Rukia's excuse. Tannim had a bet going with  
himself that she really just loved to beat the living daylights out of  
people.

The training session had started so well too. Twenty whole minutes of  
Rukia talking and explaining the basics of energy manipulation. Now  
it's time for the demonstration. On him.

Rukia darted forward at Tannim, who held his ground. Dramatically,  
she leapt high into the air with her arm cocked back. Tannim's eyes  
widened as he watched with morbid fascination at the incoming fist  
heading straight for his forehead.

He flinched.

"GAIJIN SMASH!" cried Rukia as her fist slammed into Tannim's noggin.  
He few back end over end for thirty feet before plowing into a  
hillside.

Tannim immediately picked himself up with a very surprised look on his  
face. Cautiously, he stood up, and began absently dusting off his  
clothes. He turned wordlessly to Rukia.

She nodded, and said, "Now you see why we must demonstrate the  
techniques this way."

"That... that hit hardly hurt at all!" Tannim reached up and rubbed  
the sore spot on his forehead. "I think I was hurt more from the  
ground."

"The Foreigner Anything Goes School of Martial Arts is the Martial Art  
for the traveler. When you are in a strange country, you need a  
reliable way to settle down the natives even if you cannot speak the  
same language. This school has been developed by my sensei for that  
reason, and it is you that I pass it on to. You will, of course, have  
to remember the school motto..."

"Uh, sensei?" interjected Tannim.

"...secret handshake, banner emblems, blanket prints, theme song--  
what is it?"

"How am I going to remember all this if I keep forgetting it when I  
wake up?"

"..."

"You don't know either, do you?"

"...shut up."

"Well, while I'm gathering information I can't use, how does the  
Gaijin Smash work?"

Rukia began showing him a series of badly illustrated, hand drawn  
pictures as she began explaining it. "You concentrate your spiritual  
energy here, in your fist," she explained, "and when you strike the  
enemy, that energy is expanded in a circle around your hand. It is  
important to remember this, for you may use any direction to strike as  
long as contact is achieved." She finished with her presentation and  
turned to look at Tannim expectantly. "Do you understand now?"

Tannim's left eye was twitching. "Yes, but the badly drawn pictures  
distracted me."

Rukia smashed Tannim's head with the pad of paper she had been  
holding, sending him flying into the nearby stream. He came up  
sputtering.

"We have work to do if we're going to train your mind enough to  
perform the technique," said Rukia as she calmly lowered the pad.

Tannim soggily stomped over towards her. "Like meditation and stuff?"

Rukia shook her head. "No. I was actually thinking of putting you  
through various insane training techniques that tested the limits of  
your endurance."

"Well, as long as it isn't anything like the Bakusai Tenketsu  
training..." mumbled Tannim to himself. "...that'd drive me insane."

"The what?" asked Rukia. "What kind of training is that?"

Tannim replied absently, "The Breaking Point technique. It's where  
you take a student and have them bash themselves on a giant rock until  
they're virtually immune to smashing damage. Incidentally the  
training also grants the user the ability to shatter rock with a  
touch."

"That sounds perfect," Rukia grinned.

Tannim gulped. "But that wouldn't work very well here, since my real  
body doesn't go through all that," he quickly pointed out. "And since  
you haven't been able to figure out how to contact me while I'm  
awake..." Phew. Bullet dodged.

"Student!" cried Rukia as she dramatically pointed a finger at him.

Tannim immediately stood at attention. "Yes, teacher!"

"As the first training exercise to expand your mind, figure out a way  
for us to communicate in the waking world!"

* * *

Tannim woke the next morning, feeling beat. He wondered why, until  
his eyes drifted over towards the recliner. "Ah, right. Rukia.  
Training."

This Rukia girl seemed to be really putting him through his paces, he  
thought as he stretched some sore muscles. He picked up the manual  
and absently took a look. The young man nearly dropped it in surprise  
as the writing began to change.

"Hey bozo, you awake yet?" The letters intersected and formed from  
the swirling mass of lines.

"Rukia?" he asked in shock.

The first sentence was wiped away, and replaced with, "Of course,  
moron. Who else would it be?" That held for a few seconds before  
dissolving in what looked like laughter.

"Well, hey, we can finally talk!"

The ink lines formed a caricature of Rukia's smirking face, before  
reforming to say, "Boy, we have been talking, and I have to say I like  
your style."

Tannim started to sweat. "What do you mean?" The young man's heart  
sank as the letters formed into the next words.

"Breaking Point."

"You do realize that the training could very well kill me," he tried  
to reason.

"Don't be such a baby. Besides, you've got that nice girlfriend of  
yours to heal you."

"Yeah, yeah, whatever. I did tell you that eventually I have to go  
back to work, right?"

"Excuses, excuses, now get busy! I want you to have the training  
ready by nightfall!"

"Yes, master..." Tannim's voice trailed off as he began muttering  
under his breath, "stupid magical book. Where does she expect me to  
find a giant pulley system?"

After spending the morning with Belldandy shopping for food and  
supplies, Tannim spent the rest of the afternoon scraping together a  
replica of Ryouga's training harness. Most of the required materials  
were unsurprisingly available at Wally World; even the giant rock to  
be bashed against.

He even managed to build it not far from his apartment, somewhat  
secluded from viewers due to its remote location. It wasn't a  
mountain range, though, and he couldn't escape the occasional gawker;  
there simply were too many people in the city.

"Are you sure this is wise?" asked Belldandy worriedly as she helped  
strap Tannim in.

The young man grinned wryly. "No. I'm sure this is stupid. But if  
it works, then it'll be worth it." He silently added to himself, 'I  
hope.' Out loud, he added, "Besides, if I don't do this now,  
something tells me I'll never find the time."

* * *

"C'mon sis, I wanna see that guy again!" Skuld tugged on Urd's arm  
impatiently. The two were currently making their way back to the  
modified access node.

Urd looked at Skuld oddly. "Don't you mean Belldandy?"

Skuld waved dismissively. "I'm going to be seeing Belldandy over the  
next three years," she reasoned. "But that guy was cool! He stood up  
to that robber and broke those guns in half with his bare hands!"

Urd chuckled knowingly. "It almost sounds like you got a crush on  
him."

"I do not!" Skuld hotly denied. She was blushing, though.

"Awww, that's so cute. My little sis has her first crush," teased  
Urd.

The young goddess huffed cutely, but didn't say anything in response.  
They had arrived. Urd got to work in setting up her workstation,  
while Skuld watched and tried to memorize the deft movements.

"Done," Urd finally proclaimed.

The scene that greeted the two goddesses was a surprise to say the  
least.

"What... what's he doing?"

Urd slowly shook her head. "I don't know, Skuld, I just don't know.  
But it looks like he's repeatedly bashing himself against a giant  
rock."

Skuld posed dramatically. "Obviously he's been caught a trap! He was  
tricked by that mean rock, and now he seeks to avenge himself with the  
only weapon at his disposal: his finger!" She swooned. "Oh! What  
bravery! What courage!"

'What sheer stupidity,' thought Urd to herself as she watched Tannim  
repeat the process over and over. She wondered aloud, "What purpose  
could that possibly serve?"

* * *

The training lasted all through the rest of the day, and through half  
of the first night. That's when Tannim discovered the limitations of  
his newly-acquired endurance, and he finally knocked himself out.

Belldandy found him the next morning, snoring peacefully. The rock  
was totally unaffected by the repeated blows.

"Are you sure he would want me to do this?" asked Belldandy.

The words reformed in the booklet that Belldandy held. "Yep. You can  
ask him yourself when he wakes up."

Belldandy shrugged her shoulders, before taking a deep breath.  
Loudly, she said, "Please wake up!"

All of the swirling lines crashed to the bottom of the page for a few  
moments, before several of them hovered back up to form, "Maybe you  
should try throwing a bucket of water at him."

A splash of cold water from a bucket doused Tannim.

He continued to sleep.

"The WHOLE bucket," the words were in bold this time.

This time Belldandy's actions had the desired effect. Tannim sprang  
awake. "Gah! Cold! So cold! I'm so cold!" He looked around  
wildly. "Oh, hey there Belldandy. Thanks for waking me up." He  
shivered. "Did you have to use the whole bucket?"

Belldandy nodded seriously. "Yes," she replied as she began helping  
Tannim unbuckle from his harness.

The young man was at a loss for words. "Oh."

"Rukia says you can stop and go to work today. I've got to get back  
to heaven myself."

"It's Saturday already?" wondered Tannim wearily.

Belldandy nodded sadly. "Yes. I shall miss it here."

"Don't worry, here will miss you too," Tannim assured.

A tearful goodbye was exchanged, and Belldandy left via the mirror.  
Tannim took a good look around his apartment and sighed. It seemed  
pretty empty and lifeless. His stomach grumbled.

"Right, food," mumbled Tannim to himself. His restocked kitchen was  
overflowing with choices. "I think I'll have... ramen!" he declared.

The ramen that Tannim pulled out was not the pitiful offerings of  
before. These were full-on, pre-made beef bowls, complete with  
authentic Japanese writing on the cover to prove it was from Japan.  
Just add water.

It's a shame Tannim didn't have a kettle to boil water in. He made a  
note to get one for Belldandy; after all, she really liked tea (he  
also made a note to buy some tea). For now, though, he'd just have to  
settle for using a pot.

* * *

Skuld was pacing back and forth. Alone, and in the computer node  
room, she had successfully replicated her elder sister's actions and  
managed to lock on to the same area Tannim had previously been. But  
now that just showed an empty harness; presumably Tannim escaped. Her  
thoughts were running wild as excitement built within her.

Belldandy was finally coming home! But... she really wanted to meet  
that guy! And this might be her last chance for three whole years!  
If she went now, while Belldandy was there, she could just come back  
with her. Everything would be fine, right?

Skuld nodded to herself, her mind made up.

* * *

Belldandy arrived at her home in Asgard. "Urd, Skuld, I'm home!"  
cried the goddess.

Urd flew into the room and tackled Belldandy. "Welcome back! How  
have you been? What have you been doing? What's Earth like?" she  
asked in a rush, clearly overjoyed to have her sister back.

Belldandy giggled, and returned the hug. "Please, one question at a  
time." She paused. "Where's Skuld? I expected her to reach me  
first."

The elder goddess looked around. "Say, that's a good question. I  
haven't seen the little brat in..." her eyes widened. "Stay right  
here, Belldandy, I'll be right back with her." She dashed off.

Belldandy was left with a concerned expression.

* * *

It caught Tannim off guard and surprised him when is pot of  
nearly-boiling water began to glow. The form of a young goddess  
solidified above his stove top, and he was forced to catch the  
nine-year-old before she fell. "Eek!"

Tannim blinked at the goddess cradled in his arms. "What're you doing  
here, Skuld?"

'He said my name! He knows my name!' Skuld blushed deeply, unable to  
formulate a response. His arms were so strong, and she felt safe and  
protected in them. She settled for twiddling her fingers nervously  
while mumbling incoherently.

* * *

Urd stomped her way to the nodes. If that little brat would only pay  
attention to her instead of just going off and doing what she wanted!

She arrived to find a puddle of water on the ground, along with an  
empty container. The screen was on and locked to Tannim's last known  
position. "Why that little--" she cut herself off. Urd quickly  
accessed the timer that was counting down to the change.

She paled.

* * *

Tannim stared down at the goddess sitting on his couch. She was  
looking back up at him with a strange glint in her eye. "Okay, now,  
what was it you wanted? Belldandy already left."

Skuld cleared her throat. "Well, I--" she was interrupted as the  
television set behind Tannim began to glow. "Uh no, she found me!"  
cried Skuld in panic. She leapt over the back of the couch and hid  
behind it.

Tannim turned to watch a shapely Urd squeeze out of his TV set.  
"Where is she?" she demanded.

Wordlessly, Tannim pointed behind the couch.

Urd marched herself around and grabbed Skuld by the ear. "I can't  
believe you! What were you thinking?"

"Ow! Hey! Leggo!"

The platinum-haired goddess dragged her protesting sister to the  
television screen.

"Belldandy is going to have a stern talking to you when you get home."

Skuld shuddered. Belldandy giving a lecture was worse than mom  
administering punishment.

Urd placed a hand on the TV screen, and waited.

Tannim raised his eyebrows (he wished he was cool enough to raise just  
one), and asked, "What are you waiting for?"

Urd stayed silent and still for a few more moments. "The gate's not  
responding."

The young man sat down heavily on the recliner. "Oh boy."

* * *

TBC...

C&C appreciated.


	5. Chapter 5

Otaku Muyo

(Honestly folks, there isn't a need.)

by Tannim Murphy

Disclaimer: Characters here are used without their creators'  
permission.

* * *

Chapter 5

* * *

In Heaven, an event was occurring the likes of which had never been  
seen before. Mortal wishes, due to their very nature, have often  
impacted the world in important ways. This was the first time,  
however, that a single wish had moved ALL of the Heavens.

Due to the time difference, for every one half hour that passed on  
Midgard, a week on would fly by in Asgard. One day, four hours for  
every five minutes. Five hours and thirty-six minutes to the minute.  
Three hundred and thirty six seconds would pass in heaven for every  
one that passed in the human world.

What this all meant that you had to wait a little over five and a half  
minutes if you wanted to see one second of the action on Midgard.  
People viewed moved so slowly, it gave the illusion that time was  
standing still.

A little over three hours had passed since the Ultimate Force  
initiated the time-accelerating protocol, relative to Asgard time.  
Belldandy was sitting poised, staring at the monitor view of Tannim  
and her sisters.

A voice called from behind her and asked, "Are you sure this is what  
you desire? You know I will not go easy on you because you are my  
daughter."

Belldandy paused to reflect her decision. "Yes," she finally stated  
with total conviction.

"Come child." The speaker beckoned with a feral grin. "You must  
begin your training."

Belldandy nodded solemnly as she stood and followed her mother out.

She did not look back.

* * *

"You! Little! Brat!"

"Let! Me! Go!"

Tannim Murphy stared at the scene playing out before him without  
really seeing it. The shock prevented him. Urd was wearing a fairly  
conservative (for her) blue and black dress, and was busy doing her  
level best to strangle her little sister. Skuld, on the other hand,  
was wearing a modified version of her later outfit that was mostly  
white.

The younger goddess was trying to extradite herself from the situation  
using all the leverage available to her nine year old body. Her feet  
kicked in the air without effect. She lifted them and wrapped them  
around Urd's left arm in a desperation move.

This unbalanced Urd enough to send them both sprawling to the floor;  
the crash awoke Tannim from his stupor.

"All right, that's enough you two," he tried in a lame attempt to stop  
the two from fighting, but neither were listening. Without saying  
another word he calmly stood up and walked to the kitchen. The young  
man moved trance-like as he pulled out a large glass and filled it  
full of water from the tap.

The abrupt dousing had the desired effect. Urd and Skuld sputtered to  
a stop, surprised at the sudden attack.

Tannim eyed the goddesses for a few moments before speaking. "Urd,  
stop trying to kill your sister. Skuld, you're in big trouble, so sit  
down and shut up." His voice was not unkind, but brooked no argument.  
He silently pointed to the couch.

Enthralled by the 'Tone of Authority,' their bodies were already  
moving in action before their minds realized what was going on. The  
two sat quietly and demurely, waiting for Tannim to speak.

His voice was cold and hard as spoke to them. "Listen up; I have to  
go to work and don't have much time, so I'd appreciate it if you two  
can hold still long enough for me to explain a few things." He paused  
to verify that they were, in fact, hanging on every word he spoke.  
"Skuld?"

The goddess in question jerked nervously in response to her name.  
"Y-yes?"

"You are not allowed to touch anything of an electrical nature in the  
house. At all," he said. "If you need to interact with a device,  
such as getting food from the fridge or using the microwave, get Urd  
to do it."

Skuld nodded her agreement reluctantly.

"Urd, all I ask of you is that you do not leave the apartment today.  
There's food in the kitchen, if you want to make something follow the  
directions and do not attempt magic." Tannim looked pale as he spoke,  
and he paused to wipe away the sheen of sweat that had gathered on his  
brow. "If you need me, my cell phone number is written down next to  
the phone." He blinked hard a couple of times, and swallowed. "I  
think that's everything. Any questions?"

The goddesses shook their heads in unison.

"Good. We'll talk later." With those words he marched himself  
outside.

The moment the apartment door swung shut behind him, Tannim felt his  
knees buckle, and only a hasty grab for the stair railing prevented  
him from completely collapsing. He forced himself to continue onwards  
despite the jelly that had substituted itself for his legs.

He got as far as the bushes behind his apartment before he very calmly  
started to throw up. And when he thought about Belldandy, and what  
HER reaction was going to be when she got back in three days (or three  
years depending on one's perspective), he kept at it until he was  
dry-heaving.

Tannim spat one last time in a vain attempt to get the taste out as he  
stood up and wiped his mouth clean with the back of his hand. He  
still felt like he needed a drink. Or smoke. Or drug. But at least  
he felt better than a minute ago.

It was then that he noticed that his clothing hadn't been changed from  
the Breaking Point training he had done last night. He was still very  
dirty, and his clothes were in tatters. It was either go back in  
change or go to work looking like this, and quite frankly he didn't  
think he could keep his composure around the goddesses at the moment.

"Well," Tannim cleared his throat and tried to think optimistically.  
"At least things can only go up from here."

* * *

In the shadows, three figures held a meeting.

The first question was asked in a raspy whisper that was normal for  
the speaker, "Are you sure this is the target?"

"Yes, this is the boy," came the reply in a warm contralto voice at  
normal speaking level. The voice was abundantly female, the kind that  
hits a man's ears and goes straight to the nether regions.

A third person added, "Looks kind of dim-witted doesn't he?"

"That does not matter to us." The speaker paused to flip her hair in  
irritation. "What does matter is that he is the only adoptive son of  
Ken Masters. We have to be ready for trouble."

There was a pregnant pause.

The woman gave a delicate snort of derision. "Don't worry you big  
babies, he hasn't been taught to fight by his dad. He's not even a  
martial artist."

The other two let out twin sighs of relief. No martial artist worth  
their salt would want to test a pupil of Ken Masters, no matter the  
age. There were more pleasant ways to die, after all.

A raspy whisper, "When will we strike?"

"When he's at his weakest, of course," replied the woman as she gave a  
throaty chuckle.

"Just like a woman," muttered the third voice, though not loud enough  
to be heard by the others. Or so he thought, until he felt a fist  
impact against the top of his head. "Ouch!"

"Idiot."

* * *

The Mallrats were conspicuous in their absence. Despite Tannim's  
thorough searching of the immediate area not one hide, nor hair, of  
the Amazons could be spotted. Even their cars, often littered with  
cutesy bumper stickers, were no where to be found.

It was obviously a trap.

It had to be investigated.

Rather than use the secret tunnel that had made his last escape such a  
pleasant one (and thus risk its discovery), Tannim parked his car in  
the furthest part of the southern parking lot. From there he  
stealthily made his way down the row of cars, earning several odd  
looks as he crouched behind the vehicles.

The southern entrance was clear, as usual. This time, however, Tannim  
elected to sneak in via the second floor. As he was passing 'Goth's  
Graveyard,' a specialty store for gothic clothing and accessories, he  
decided to enter the shop and ask the clerk some questions.

The face that greeted him was one that had borne many repeated  
drillings over the years. Eyebrows practically made of metal gently  
swayed over a multitude of nose, lip, cheek, and chin piercings.

"Welcome to Goth's Graveyard, home of the Graveyard Pierce, not to  
seem snobbish, but what are you doing here?" The clerk's voice was a  
steady monotone throughout. "You don't look like one of our usual  
customers."

Looking back to check one last time, Murphy asked, "Where are all the  
Amazons?" By the time he turned his head forward again, he found  
himself talking to an empty space.

A voice from underneath the counter asked in a whispered monotone,  
"Are the Amazons here? Are they gone yet?"

"Dude, I was just asking were they were."

The clerk crawled out from his hidey-hole. "Us Goths stay far away  
from those ladies. They never leave us alone." He did a poor  
imitation of an Amazon, "'Ooo, someone alert the fashion police!'"  
then dropped it for his usual monotone. "You don't know how many  
years I've had to suffer hearing that in this job. Lately it's just  
been getting worse, with that Queen of theirs."

"Well, thanks anyways," said Tannim as he left the store. "Keep up  
the... piercing."

The young man continued his stealthy activities. He got about half  
way to the food court before he noticed that the rest of the mall was  
virtually empty. There were a few scattered customers here and there,  
but he mostly was greeted to the sight of bored store attendants, many  
of whom had books out and were currently reading.

A noise began to grow, and the closer Tannim got to it, the surer he  
was it came from the food court. When he finally rounded the corner  
his eyes widened and his mouth dropped open in shock.

There were HUNDREDS of them.

They were crawling over every inch of the food court, devouring food,  
talking loudly, and generally making a nuisance of themselves. It was  
the single largest concentration of children fourteen and under that  
the young man had ever seen.

Gunter materialized next to Tannim with a friendly demeanor and large  
grin on his face. "There you are! Just in time! First, I need you  
to--"

Tannim shook his head quickly. "Nuh-uh! I quit!" He turned to  
leave, but found his path blocked by a shotgun barrel.

"I believe you might want to rethink your options," spoke Gunter with  
deceptive calmness. "You could stay here, help me deal with these  
terrors, and make double your normal pay. Or, you could leave me here  
all alone, heartbroken, and no emotional connection to you to keep me  
from breaking both your legs."

The young man eyed the weapon blocking his path, turned around  
smartly, and saluted. "Right boss. Your orders?"

Gunter pumped his shotgun for effect. "Load for bear."

* * *

Skuld's fingers twitched towards the Xbox.

"No, Skuld," Urd said lazily from her position reclining on the couch.  
In her hand she had a copy of 'The Fall of Reach,' and was currently  
reading at a speed of just under thirty pages a minute. A small pile  
of discarded books were starting to form on the ground next to her.

"But--!" protested Skuld.

"No."

The young goddess sulked. That had pretty much been their entire  
interaction all morning. Skuld would see something that she'd love to  
take apart and play with, and Urd would deny her. It just wasn't  
fair.

The phone rang, but neither goddess moved to answer it, and the  
answering machine eventually picked it up. The voice on the message  
began with, "Hey, it's Tannim, just making sure ev--" but was  
interrupted as Skuld picked up the phone.

"I'm so sorry!" she cried. She had been thinking about it a lot, and  
finally understood the situation once Urd had explained that while she  
wouldn't be seeing Belldandy for three days, Belldandy wouldn't would  
be seeing HER for three years. And it was her fault.

The tone of reply was bewildered. "What? Oh, hey Skuld. No, it's  
all right, really. Water under the bridge. Uh, how are you two  
holding up?"

"We're fine. But I really--"

"That's great, Skuld, really is," he continued to speak as though he  
didn't hear her. He sounded distracted and Skuld noticed for the  
first time the multitude of voices in the background. "I've really  
got to get back to work, just thought about this morning and didn't  
want you to think I thought you... um..." he trailed off. "What was I  
saying again?"

"Thinking?" Skuld hazarded.

"Right. I think you're both swell, I was just mad at the situation."  
The voices in the background started to reach a crescendo. She also  
heard a very strange sound of metal pieces interlocking together  
quickly; to most people it was the very recognizable sound of a  
shotgun being pumped. "Okay, gotta-go-bye-now!"

Skuld sighed as the line went dead. At least now she didn't feel so  
bad. However, that didn't help her current predicament.

"I'm bored!" she whined.

"Go read a book," suggested Urd.

* * *

Nightmare could not begin to describe Tannim's day. Suffice to say  
that by the end of it, he was looking forward to the kind of  
devastation Urd and Skuld could produce. At least after things  
explode, the noise dies down.

Gunter, on the other hand, was cheerful. This probably had to do with  
the obscene amounts of money he had made.

Tannim was picking up the trash left in the wake of the horde, while  
Gunter swept. It was proving a difficult task for both men, as there  
were numerous sticky spills of candy, food, and soda pop.

Without warning, a voice rang out clear and strong. "Gunter Krueger,  
we're here to bring you to justice!"

Both Tannim and Gunter looked up. At the entrance of MegaGamers stood  
two men dressed in identical black suits, complete with sunglasses.  
It was impossible to tell which one had spoken.

"Over my dead body!" the man in question snarled and threw his  
broomstick at the two before leaping away. He tossed a set of keys  
over his retreating back. "Close up for me will ya?"

The agents rushed by Tannim as he caught the keys out of mid-air with  
a tired sigh. "Sure thing, boss." He grumbled under his breath, "I  
swear, if I didn't know better I'd think he called them up just so he  
could get out of more work."

This was MegaGamers, though. A certain pride had to be upheld. So  
Tannim dutifully armed the laser grid, motion sensors, and mine field  
just as he had been instructed by Gunter to do several days earlier.  
The store was locked down, and the keys deposited behind a loose tile  
that had been modified for this very purpose. Gunter would find the  
keys stashed there tomorrow morning.

Tannim was in a state of shell-shock. A part of him had died that day  
in the mists of the constant hands grabbing, voices yelling,  
screaming, and demands of more, more, more!

The events of that morning did not help matters, either.

The whole ordeal left him feeling drained, but at the same time  
twitchy and on edge. Any sound now was subjected to intense scrutiny  
as his eyes darted from side to side. Movement was made in quick,  
darting motions, head twitching back and forth. Every sound a  
potential child, every noise another one of THEM come to beg for more.

Deep down Tannim realized he was acting far from his usual character,  
but couldn't help himself. He cursed it for the unfounded paranoia  
that he recognized it for, but didn't have the willpower to stop.

"What's this?" he paused as something on the ground caught his eye.  
The really strange thing was he didn't understand why he hadn't seen  
the glittering ball near his feet earlier.

"Did someone drop this?" wondered Tannim as he bent over to pick up  
the object.

A dart, the kind typically blown through a tube, passed through where  
his torso had been moments before and embedded itself in the bench  
next to him. It reverberated with a fairly quiet 'thunk' that was  
just loud enough to trigger Tannim's twitchy reflexes.

As Tannim jerked upwards to try and figure out where the noise had  
come from, a kunai intersected the area previously occupied by his  
head. He watched in shock as several hairs drifted down, severed by  
the projectile.

"Oh shit!" With that inspired battle cry he began a random pattern of  
running, tumbling, and side stepping that would leave him a hard  
target to any ranged attacks (unconsciously tapping into an evasive  
maneuver he had used against Rukia previously). Two more darts and a  
kunai missed the franticly dodging man before the assailants either  
ran out of ammo or just gave up.

Tannim made a break for the escalators, intent on reaching the second  
floor. In his haste he had forgotten his newly-enhanced strength, and  
he surprised himself by clearing the entire set of mechanical stairs  
in one frenzied leap. The man grunted when abrupt flight terminated  
by slamming forcefully against the wall, but he did not allow that to  
slow him down. As he leapt away, three buzz-saw-like shiruken  
embedded together in the wall where he had been moments before.

"Ninjas... why does it always have to be ninjas?" muttered Tannim  
fearfully. He continued his erratic path until he reached Goth's  
Graveyard; there he stopped after slipping into the store and leaping  
behind the counter.

The sales attendant didn't so much as blink as Tannim flew by him.  
Moments later, three figures swathed entirely in black rushed by the  
store entrance.

"Hey, it's pretty comfortable down here," commented Tannim from his  
position.

"Where those ninja?"

"Probably."

"Whoa." He pulled out a small plastic bag from his pocket. "This is  
some good shit."

Tannim stood up, and proffered his hand. "Thanks for letting me hide  
here. Would it be okay if I used it sometime in the future?"

The clerk replaced the bag and shook the hand. "No problem, anytime.  
Name's Bill, but everyone calls me William."

"Tannim. Sorry to hide-n-dash, but as you can see I'm pretty busy."

William nodded knowingly. "Later, dude."

"Later."

The young man cautiously eased his way out of the store. The coast  
was clear and the ninjas were no where in sight. The mall itself was  
mostly empty, with only the occasional straggler or store closer. It  
was, all things considered, the perfect time for an ambush.

In each person there lies a certain 'breaking point'; the point where  
a human being feels he or she has taken more than their fair share of  
problems straight the chin. It is at this point that people choose to  
stop following societies rules, its niceties, and become raving  
lunatics or killers. Often times when a person 'breaks' they act very  
differently from what they would consider proper behavior, because  
their 'proper' behavior hasn't gotten them anywhere at all.

Tannim could FEEL himself breaking. The day hadn't started out well,  
and had progressed steadily downhill from there. While normally a  
highly rational individual, the sheer amount of rage he felt at being  
ambushed was staggering. He had to do something.

And he WOULD get his revenge.

* * *

The smaller of the two men whispered, "He's gone."

"He can not have simply vanished," the female said in an acrid tone.

"That's damn well what it looks like," said the other man  
belligerently. "No martial arts, huh?"

She grimaced. "I don't know how he was able to hide that physique  
from the S-2. He assured me the target was at the very least slightly  
out of shape."

"Did that look out of shape to you?" the man honestly looked  
surprised.

A raspy whisper calmly interjected from behind the two, "Duck."

The girl had been training in her current profession far longer than  
the man she had been talking to, and reacted accordingly. Her  
compatriot was less fortunate as one of the benches that littered the  
mall for seating smashed into him from behind.

"I think we may have found him," whispered the smaller individual.

"Oh, GOD! I think that bastard broke something!"

"Oh, shut up and take it like a shinobi," the woman snapped. Her day  
was just not going according to plan. "After him!"

* * *

"Okay, maybe that wasn't the brightest idea," muttered Tannim.

Instead of being completely undetected, he now had three ninja  
hightailing it after him. What he had intended was to take out all  
three in one fell swoop, but the smaller one had been a little too  
alert and he had only managed to tag the one too stupid to move. And  
even that one had stood back up, visibly reset his arm, and started  
chasing him again.

Things did not look good. "What I wouldn't give for Kim Possible to  
show up about now."

While he was confident in his strength, he was also fairly sure he  
would be toast against a competent martial artist if it came down to  
hand to hand. He'd seen far too many martial arts movies where the  
big dumb fighter got taken down by the skillful tiny kung fu master.  
Picking things up and throwing them seemed to be his best bet.

Tannim paused to pick up a trash can encased by concrete. He wasn't  
sure exactly how much it was supposed to weigh, but it felt light in  
his hands. "Have at thee!" he cried as he threw the projectile  
forward.

This time the largest of the three did not get back up, as he tried to  
take the brunt of the attack with his arms and failed miserably. He  
hit the ground with a terrible smack that was amplified by the mall's  
structure.

Neither of the man's companions hesitated for a moment, using each  
second Tannim was not in motion to catch up from their position of  
forty-seven feet away. The two of them in perfect concert managed to  
judge the exact moment Tannim would resume his running; it was in this  
precious instant that they would be the closest they could possibly be  
and still have the chance for a solid shot. In unison the two halted  
their forward movement and let loose with their respective  
projectiles.

The small man reveled to have been the blow-dart user, as he slid to a  
stop on one knee while pulling out his weapon of choice. It was just  
as the other figure was pulling out a shuriken from her chest area  
that Tannim noticed that the third assailant was in fact female.

Rather than run directly away from the attacks and in a straight line  
like a fool, Tannim threw himself sideways and into 'The Chasm,' a  
trendy clothing store. Both projectiles flew wide.

* * *

"Something's not right," hissed the small man in irritation as he put  
his blowgun away. He switched his kneeling position to a runner's  
start, and took off like a shot after their quarry.

"Why is he not moving like the spoiled rich man's son his profile said  
he was?" the woman complained as she scurried after him. "What was  
the S-2 thinking when he evaluated him?"

The smaller man paused just outside the entrance of the store. "Jake  
wouldn't make that kind of mistake," he rasped.

The girl carefully considered their next move. "Think it might be a  
set up?"

Shaking his head, the smaller man replied in his whisper, "Not a good  
enough counter-ambush. But he's too strong for Jake not to notice."

"Okay, we'll pick up Recca and fall back for now. We need better  
intel on his abilities." She turned on her heel and moved back  
towards her fallen companion.

The man nodded silently as he followed.

Tannim lowered the mannequin he had picked up and had been preparing  
to use as an oversized club. He had positioned himself just inside  
the store entrance and had been waiting for them to round the corner  
when he overheard the conversation.

"I can't believe I'm so damn lucky," he muttered in shock. He used  
the store's employee exit, though, just to be on the safe side.

* * *

The rest of the trip home was uneventful. Fears that his car had been  
tampered with proved unfounded as he braved the ignition in the face  
of having to walk home if he didn't. Contrary to what he had half  
been expecting, his car did not explode in a fiery maelstrom of flame  
and metal. The drive back was a peaceful one.

Tannim eyed the door to his apartment dubiously. It was still in one  
piece, and did not look disturbed in any way. Judging by his day,  
though, he couldn't be too careful. He opened it cautiously.

"You're back!" cried a white and black blur as it latched itself onto  
Tannim. Skuld had a decidedly firm grip around his mid-section. "You  
were gone for so long!" she complained.

The young man awkwardly patted the young goddess on the back. "I had  
a hard time escaping from work. I'm sorry if I worried you."

"I was so BORED!" said Skuld as she gazed adoringly up at Tannim.  
"All Urd wanted to do was go through the files on that pitiful machine  
you call a computer."

"Erk!"

"She was giggling to herself something fierce around lunchtime."

With a groan, Tannim entered his abode; Skuld stayed firmly attached.

Urd glanced up from her position in front of Tannim's laptop with a  
guilty expression. "This isn't what it looks like!"

"I'm sure it's exactly what it looks like," deadpanned Tannim. "But  
I'm too tired for embarrassment." He flopped down on the recliner and  
set it on full recline. "Aaaaaah." He paused and looked down at the  
goddess still firmly wrapped around his torso. "What?"

"I wanna play-y-y," pleaded Skuld.

He weakly waved a hand. "Go play the Xbox or something. I give  
permission."

"Those games are boring!" she protested.

Urd stage-whispered, "She's really bad at video games."

Tannim turned a surprised look at Skuld. "Really? What kind of games  
are you good at then?"

"Blitz Ball!" enthused Skuld.

The young man thought for a moment. "Well... you two did behave  
yourselves remarkably well while I was gone. I guess I should reward  
that," he reasoned. "But the current technology on earth can't create  
a Blitz Ball arena. We'll just have to settle for the next best  
thing."

It took a bit of convincing for them to go along without knowing their  
final destination, but Tannim managed to talk the sisters in to  
letting him take them somewhere. It wasn't a far walk; in fact it was  
on the apartment complex property.

Skuld sniffed with distain when they finally arrived. "You think that  
I'd enjoy this? A swimming pool?"

"Well, I, er, that is," Tannim stammered and turned away, trying to  
formulate some sort of response. It HAD seemed like a good idea at  
the time. By the time he turned back, Skuld was already in the water,  
splashing merrily and giggling with excitement. Somewhere along the  
line she had changed from her normal attire into a white one-piece  
swimsuit.

"I totally think you'd enjoy it," deadpanned Tannim. He glanced over  
at Urd to see her sporting a sexy bikini and sunglasses, as per usual  
Urd standards. "You both have enough power to change clothing? I  
thought you guys were cut off from Yggdrasil?"

"Traveling. With the time difference we can't communicate with the  
Gate, but energy is still being sent. Besides, Skuld can't use magic  
yet," Urd pointed off to the side, where the rest of Skuld's garments  
had been discarded, "she always wears that swimsuit."

"Oh." He shrugged his shoulders and turned around.

"What are you doing?" A curious Urd asked Tannim as she followed the  
young man.

"Getting something to bat around," he replied. Eventually the two  
reached his car. Urd looked over Tannim's shoulder as he opened his  
trunk and gasped in admiration at what she saw.

Inside were literally dozens of emergency supplies. From an emergency  
roadside kit, to a fresh six-pack of bottled water, it seemed that  
Tannim had planned for every contingency. Urd pointed to the box he  
had pulled the volleyball from. "What's that box for?"

"That? That's the sanity box. Inside it I keep a couple of books I  
can read over and over and never tire, as well as a few other odds and  
ends. This," he hefted the battered volleyball, "I call my Wilson  
Ball. If I ever get stranded somewhere, I'll at least have someone to  
talk to."

"Why do you have all this stuff?"

"Because," he gave an ironic laugh, "I thought I should be prepared if  
I was suddenly thrust into a magical realm while driving my car.  
That's why I've also got a box full of books on chemistry and the  
like."

At Urd's incredulous look, Tannim grinned sheepishly. She shook her  
head and declared, "You watch far too many cartoons."

The young man nodded in agreement. "Specifically, I watch too many of  
the ones that come from Japan."

"What, you think something will happen to you? That you'll be able to  
travel the dimensions like Skysaber?" said Urd as she poked Tannim in  
the ribs. "I saw that large collection of DVDs. And the Skysaber  
self insertion fanfiction."

"What?" cried Tannim in disbelief.

"Don't try to give me that innocent look," pushed Urd. "You've tried  
to make up worlds just like the author of Skysaber does, but none of  
them are near as good." She sniffed with distain. "And your typical  
beginning of joining the Agency was so cliche."

Tannim opened his mouth to reply, but found himself speechless. He  
opened and shut it a few more times as he tried to force something  
out, to no avail. How could you defend something you knew nothing  
about?

Giving up, the young man settled for a rebuttal. "I have a Goddess  
for a girlfriend and her two sisters are living with me," he pointed  
out. "How much more cartoon can you get?"

Urd giggled girlishly, much to Tannim's surprise. "I guess you've got  
me there," she admitted sheepishly.

"Hey," he paused as he realized something, "how do you know what's a  
cliche in fanfiction? Or what a self insertion is for that matter?"

Suddenly bashful, Urd had the 'grinning nervously while looking away  
and trying to come up with a good excuse' pose down to a tee. "Well,  
you see, there's a very good reason for that..."

"Yeah?" pushed Tannim.

"It's just that..."

"Well?" wheedled the young man.

"I..."

"And?" he prodded.

"I read a lot! Okay!" she suddenly blurted out, her face beat red.

Tannim looked at Urd with a puzzled expression. "That's nothing to be  
ashamed of."

Urd stomped her foot and sneered, "I wouldn't expect a mortal to  
understand!" With an angry toss of her hair she stormed off back  
towards the pool.

"Obviously not, since you won't bother explaining it," muttered the  
young man.

That halted the irate goddess in her tracks, and she stood stock still  
facing away for a few moments. She about-faced and started marching  
purposefully towards Tannim, and then past him.

"Hey!" he cried in protest as she snagged his arm on her way past.  
"Where are you taking me?"

"Skuld is not to know, understand? If you breathe one word of this to  
her, I shall make your life on this mortal coil so miserable you will  
beg for its release."

The young man nodded hastily.

Urd lifted Tannim by his shirt lapels so that they were face to face.  
"I'm sorry, I didn't catch that?"

"Yes ma'am! Whatever you say!" he cowered.

"Good," she dropped the man and continued onward.

Tannim hastily scrambled up to follow. Soon the two were sitting in  
his apartment, in front of his laptop computer.

Urd looked over nervously at Tannim. It looked like she wanted to say  
something but the words wouldn't come. Rather than speak she simply  
began typing.

Faster than the human eye could follow, keys were tapped in rapid  
succession. So quick were her movements that she had to pause several  
times to allow for the buffer on the poor human-made laptop to catch  
up. Once she had completed her task, she silently turned the laptop  
around to face Tannim. At her encouraging nod, he began to read.

It was fanfiction. The prologue to a story. A self insertion, no  
less.

"Undocumented Features?" he blurted involuntarily. Figures she'd be a  
sucker for the classics.

"Well? What do you think?" asked Urd nervously.

"It's... fantastic." It was. The writing was elegant, the language  
was bordering on the poetic, and the humor was spot on. And he hadn't  
even gotten past the first two pages! "Gryphon and Zoner would be  
proud," he finally said in shocked awe.

Urd beamed brightly at the praise. "You think so? You really think  
so?"

"Yeah." He paused. "But why the secrecy?"

Urd simply gave him a Look.

The young man chuckled. "Okay, I guess it is a kind of strange hobby  
for a goddess," he admitted.

Urd clenched her fist as she cried over-dramatically. "And if  
Belldandy or Skuld ever found out, they'd never let me live it down!"

Tannim's eyes widened in shock. "Skuld! We left her at the pool!  
Alone!"

The laptop was slammed shut. "C'mon, we'd better go see if she hasn't  
wandered off again," muttered Urd.

"Right," said Tannim as he followed the goddess out the door.

The two arrived on the scene and a quick once-over revealed no Skuld  
in sight. Three small kids were standing huddled around the outside  
of the pool's deep end and peering down. Their attention was given  
fully to whatever they were looking at as all three held perfectly  
still.

Tannim peered down into the water where everyone else was looking...  
and saw Skuld, eyes closed, lying motionlessly at the bottom of the  
pool.

Rather than waste precious time shouting in surprise, Tannim's body  
elected to move on its own violation. Before he knew it he had dove  
head first into the water, clothes and all. He quickly scooped up  
Skuld in his arms and made a break for the surface.

"You morons!" he shouted as he frantically swam to the edge with  
Skuld's body in tow. "Why the hell didn't anyone try to save her?!"  
The children scattered before the angry man as he surged out of the  
water.

He set the goddess down and began to check for breath... only to  
discover Skuld's eyes wide open and watching him. He paused for a  
moment before hesitantly asking, "A-are you okay?"

Skuld threw her arms around Tannim and shouted, "My hero!" She did  
not seem distressed or even out of breath in the slightest. The sound  
of Urd slapping her forehead signaled to Tannim that he might have  
possibly misjudged the situation.

"This has been a hell of a day," muttered Tannim as he pried the young  
goddess off of him. He peered into her eyes as he spoke to her.  
"Would you mind telling me what you were doing down there, pretending  
to be drowned?"

She frowned in childish defiance. "I can hold my breath for hours! I  
told you I play Blitz Ball. They," she motioned her head towards the  
departed children, "didn't believe me."

"Right... well..." This time the young man was at a loss for words;  
he really had goofed. "I'm sorry," he finished lamely.

Skuld beamed brightly as only the innocent can. "That's all right!  
You were just worried about me!"

He patted the top of Skuld's head affectionately. She was just too  
darn cute. "Try not ta scare the livin' daylights outta me in the  
future, okay?"

While Skuld nodded, Urd shouted from behind Tannim. "Think fast!"

Wilson slammed into the back of Tannim's head before any reasonable  
reaction could be formulated, and bounced nearly straight up. After  
gravity finally reclaimed the object, its arc and a freak wind gust  
placed it to land directly in Skuld's very surprised hands.

Tannim rubbed the back of his head. "Did you have to throw it so  
hard?"

"Don't be such a baby," Urd dismissed. "This was your idea."

"Hey," he turned to face the goddess, "I never said it was my idea to  
pound the back of someone's head in with it."

"That's nothing!" gloated Urd. "I've seen you pound yourself with  
rocks."

"You saw that?" he asked surprised.

"Of course! We both watched it in my special, super-secret hacked  
terminal. How else do you think Skuld got the idea to--" Urd cut  
herself off in mid-sentence with a quick hand to the mouth and a  
surprised look on her face, but the damage had been done.

"Funny... you never mentioned that before," said Tannim as his right  
eye twitched.

"It seemed like... such an unimportant... detail..." hedged Urd.

"This is all YOUR fault!" shouted Tannim as he pointed an accusing  
finger at Urd.

During the brief span of time she was totally shocked by that  
statement, Tannim took the opportunity to swipe Wilson back from Skuld  
and nail the goddess in face, right between the eyes.

"Heh, looks like my reflexes are shaping up pretty well," he casually  
commented, right before he broke out in a run.

"Oooooo, come BACK HERE!" cried a furious Urd.

"Nyah nyah! Catch me if you can!" taunted Tannim. He waved his  
behind in her general direction, and gave it a couple of smacks for  
good measure.

Skuld broke down in a serious fit of the giggles at the sight of Urd  
mindlessly chasing Tannim around the pool. The look on her face was  
too much.

Despite his best efforts Tannim could only remain in the lead while  
traveling in a circle for a short time. Rather than face capture by  
the enemy, he resorted to the only recourse he available.

"I regret nothing!" he shouted as he cannonballed into the pool. The  
resulting splash drenched both Urd and Skuld.

"Now it's on!" declared Urd as she followed suit. Tannim's head just  
broke the surface as Urd's body impacted it, sending the full force of  
the water directly up Tannim's nose.

"Gah!" he sputtered as he tried to clear his nasal passages. "Foul!"

Skuld jumped in as well with her own aimed cannonball. Both Tannim  
and Urd had to shield themselves from the splash. "All's fair in  
love, war, and the water!" she gleefully cried.

The trio settled into having a relaxing water fight.

* * *

"Are you sure this is wise, my Queen?"

Rather than snap at the person as she would have done to most people  
who have asked that question, Bonnie simply raised an eyebrow at the  
speaker. "Now you voice doubts to Our plan?"

Makoto Kino, third in command of Her Majesty's armies because she  
actually had some sort of martial training, found herself in a bit of  
a quandary. She fidgeted slightly with the hem of her green skirt as  
she tried to think of an appropriate response.

One the one hand, she felt the strong pull of Duty for her Queen.  
Even if she was a bit of a ditz at times, and could be fairly  
mean-spirited, Bonnie did genuinely care for her 'subjects' and wanted  
only the best for them. In return, the girls under Bonnie fought with  
a ferocity that made up for the general lack of training.

On the other hand, her perceptions of the boy in question had altered  
somewhat. During his actions at the restaurant, he had been so  
gallant, so brave, so noble to stand in front of a gun for the sake of  
that girl... why, it caused her to blush just thinking about it.

Despite that heroic act, however, her Queen had given orders. And  
even if he saved her family restaurant, that didn't excuse him for his  
actions up until now. She looked down in her hand at the object the  
Queen had given her days earlier and came to a decision.

"No, my Queen," Makoto shook her head. "I shall do as ordered."

* * *

TBC...

Author's Notes: Hope it was worth the wait.


	6. Chapter 6

Otaku Muyo

(There might not be a need for this.)

by Tannim Murphy

Disclaimer: Characters depicted herein are not used with their  
respective creators' consent. Except, of course, for Tannim and  
anyone else I made up. I made sure to give myself permission for  
that.

* * *

Chapter 6

* * *

"Wallet, keys, inert cell phone... yep, that's everything! Thanks  
Skuld!" Tannim gave the young goddess a pat on the head for a job  
well done. It hadn't been one of his brightest moves to leap into a  
swimming pool fully clothed without emptying his pockets first, but it  
didn't bother him nearly as much as he thought it should have.

"Yay! Everything found! Mission complete!" she cheered. Her running  
leap into the pool and resulting splash drenched the adults. Urd  
chuckled while Tannim laughed outright at the display.

"Skuld sure seems to be having fun," Tannim remarked.

"Yep," Urd readily agreed. "Though I think it has more to do with how  
she's active. She really didn't like being cooped up in that  
apartment all day, you know." Urd gave Tannim a significant glance.

"I know." He grimaced at the look. "I've been thinking about that.  
I'm going to have to make it up to her." He smirked. "And I know  
just how." He turned towards the pool slightly and raised his voice.  
"Hey, Skuld!"

The girl came up to him with her hands behind her back. Before Tannim  
could speak, she began talking hurriedly. "You said anything I found  
in the pool after your stuff was mine to keep, right?"

"Sure, whatever--" Tannim began, but was interrupted by the impatient  
Skuld.

"Then can I keep this?" She brought forth a small glittering ball, a  
sort of reddish gold color, no larger than a marble.

"Hey, I forgot that I had that." He glanced at the object, recalling  
that picking it up had inadvertently saved his life. It seemed like  
the events of this afternoon had occurred months ago. "Yeah you can  
keep it. I found it myself."

"Yay!" Skuld danced with glee as she hopped from one foot to the  
other. "Orihalcon is so rare on earth! I didn't think I'd be able to  
find some!"

"...orihalchon?" Indiana Jones and the Fate of Atlantis had been the  
game to introduce Tannim to that metal. But other than being used as  
a plot device little was known of the stuff besides what Plato had  
wrote about it in his descriptions of the Lost City.

The young goddess rolled her eyes, not quite believing she'd have to  
remind someone of such basic science. "You know! A derivative of  
naquada!"

"Naquada?!" Tannim scrambled to the perceived safety of the lounge  
chair and peered at Skuld from behind it. "Is it safe? It's not...  
radiating or anything?" Naquada was the very familiar substance used  
to power the really, really big bombs in the sci-fi show he watched  
called Stargate SG-1. As such the material also doubled as a power  
source, and was notorious for killing via lethal doses of radiation.

"Duh! That's what orihalchon is! A variant form of stabilized  
naquada!" Skuld peered at the boy. "Don't you know the basics of  
chemistry?"

"Obviously not," Tannim said dryly.

"Feh. I don't know what I ever saw in you." She sniffed with  
distain. It took her a moment to realize her slip and clasped her  
hands over her mouth.

Tannim had the good grace to pretend not to hear. "Hmm? What was  
that?"

"Nothing." Skuld made a valiant attempt to look innocent. This was  
hampered by the smile she could barely keep repressed.

Tannim let it slide since she really was that cute. That and  
Belldandy was probably watching and it wouldn't do to embarrass her  
youngest sister unduly. In fact, now was the time to earn some  
brownie points. "Actually, what I was trying to ask was: do you want  
to help me build something?"

As Skuld clasped her hands together with glee, Tannim and Urd had to  
shield their eyes from the intensity of the look. It was like staring  
into the sun.

Her eyes sparkled. "Could I?"

"Sure!" he replied. "Why wouldn't I want the help of the  
second-greatest scientific genius in the universe?"

Skuld turned away blushing. "Really? You think so? Me?" She  
paused. "Wait... second?"

"Oh, look at the time!" Tannim glanced at his wrist, devoid of a  
watch. "Yep, time to get going. That is... if you're still  
interested in building that machine with me." The look he gave Skuld  
was one of calculated uncertainty, as if doubtful of her intentions.  
"You still want to, don't you?"

"Yes!" In an instant she teleported to Tannim's side and firmly  
attached herself to his left leg. "Yesyesyesyesyes!"

He smirked. "All right then."

Urd shook her head in bemusement as they marched their way back to the  
apartment, Skuld clamped onto Tannim for all her worth as if afraid  
the man would rescind his offer. Only after marching up the stairs  
did Tannim finally put a stop to Skuld's actions by shaking his leg  
until she let go.

"The only woman I carry across my threshold will be my wife," he  
grumbled to himself as he turned towards the door unencumbered. A  
heartbeat passed before Skuld latched onto his back. "And small  
children that I don't see as adults," he hastily amended. She  
reluctantly loosened her fingers from around Tannim's neck and dropped  
to the ground.

"So, what is it that you need the little brain over there to make?"  
Urd asked as she entered the apartment.

"I've got to improve my training methods past the point of insanity  
that only a mechanical device can provide. Training is pretty close  
to torture in the martial arts world. I hope that something that is  
automated will give me an edge in learning the technique that much  
faster. Or at all, really." He pinched the bridge of his nose. "I  
haven't trained in martial arts my whole life; I don't even know if  
deviating from the current training will work and still let me learn  
the technique."

"What's wrong with the way you're training now?" Skuld piped up, eager  
to get to work. She wanted something to fix!

Tannim considered. "Well, the main problem with my current method is  
that it requires my physical participation. At the point from where I  
knock myself out on, those are hours that I'm not getting any training  
done."

"Don't you need some sort of break?" Urd cut in.

"I can have a break while at work," Tannim countered. "Right now the  
most important thing is getting an edge in combat, and this is the  
easiest thing I know to learn." He sighed and shook his head. "Truth  
be told, I don't really think I'll be able to learn the technique  
itself, so I'm praying the training will pay off."

It soon settled into Urd acting as sounding board as Tannim bounced  
ideas off of her. Rather than be drawn into the discussion, Skuld sat  
pondering in her own little world, looking out the window. Her  
inquisitive little mind was going over the details as the older two  
discussed them, and filed away each specification as they were noted.  
While she had never before in her life been allowed to construct an  
object bigger than a breadbox, she had often dreamed of the task. One  
of her old plans came to the fore as her eyes settled on one  
particular terrain feature.

"I..." Her shocked whisper quieted the two adults, and they turned to  
her. "...I... have..."

"What is it? Spit it out already," Urd demanded.

Though still very low, Skuld's words reverberated perfectly throughout  
the apartment. "...i have an idea..."

With each progressive repeat of the phrase her voice rose. "...I have  
an idea. I have an idea. I have an idea!" She was shouting at this  
point. Rather than simply continue to manifest her glee with words,  
the rest of her could take no more of the joy it felt and leapt into  
action. Her lithe body sprang out the door and flew down the  
apartment steps in a flash.

"I HAVE AN IDEA!" Skuld shouted to the world.

Tannim looked at Urd and shrugged; she returned the look and the  
gesture. The two followed Skuld out the apartment and the down the  
steps.

"She's certainly excited," Urd remarked wryly.

"Woohooo!" Skuld hooted as she ran by. The two tracked her movements  
in perfect unison.

"I think we should give her time to wear out her enthusiasm." Tannim  
scratched the back of his head in idle thought.

"Yeeeeeeeeeehaaaaaaaaaaw!" Skuld hollered as she dashed by the duo  
once again. Somewhere along the way she had lost most of her clothes,  
decency preserved only by her swimsuit.

Urd sighed. "Yeah. I'd give her about ten minutes."

It took Skuld only eight minutes to calm down, but a full half an hour  
to completely sketch out the plans. Every scrap of blank paper in the  
apartment had been commissioned for the blueprint on a monstrosity  
that appeared like it might do the job, and the overall design looked  
to be some sort of wheel and pumping system. Tannim squinted at the  
corner of the blueprints. There were some runes, but above that  
scratched out in English was presumably a name.

"Karl Ragnafodir? What's that?" he asked.

"It's Old Norse for 'Mr. Doom of the Fodder,'" answered Urd as she  
rolled her eyes.

Skuld's eyes glittered dangerously. "If only they'd let me build  
this, we'd never have problems with bugs ever again."

Urd snorted. "There wouldn't be anything left standing, either.  
Sorry about my little sister, she had a tragic accident with a bug  
when she was four." Urd glanced over at the man, before turning fully  
towards him with a concerned expression. "Hey, what's wrong with you?  
You look like you've seen a ghost."

"It's nothing," he waved it off. Whenever he was online his moniker  
was usually 'TannimFodder,' because he thought it sounded humorously  
close to 'cannon fodder.' What a strange coincidence.

But why had he felt like someone had stepped over his grave?

* * *

In Ancient Times, when Indians roamed the lands and the west was wild,  
a mill had been built on this river. Time had passed it by for the  
most part, as each successive owner of the land never could really  
find a reason to tear it down. It was a testament to its construction  
that it still functioned. Rather than being used for its original  
purpose, however, its current owners mainly used it as a storehouse.

And since it was visible from Tannim's two-story window, it was this  
waterwheel on the riverbank that provided Skuld with inspiration. The  
original plans called for a giant wheel with Skuld riding in the  
middle, and twin pistons pumping on either side, so she could smash  
bugs as she drove by. So she figured the waterwheel would make a good  
substitute since it was self-powered, and she wanted to convert that  
energy into a pump that would smash the trainee vertically rather that  
horizontally into the rock they set beside the stream.

Skuld quickly discovered Tannim to be a near-tireless workhorse when  
it came to receiving instructions. As long as they were detailed,  
complete, and simple, Tannim could accomplish any task set before him  
a mere fraction of the time it would have taken a normal person. The  
two settled into a rhythm that allowed them to modify the waterwheel  
and turn it into the training device Tannim needed it to become in  
record time.

Urd helped out where she could. She surprised Tannim by not  
attempting anything with magic, simply settling for pitching in where  
she could. Perhaps more surprising was that she was giving it her  
all, and not slacking off like he thought she would have.

During the process Tannim always asked questions about what they were  
doing since Skuld seemed happiest when explaining her own genius. He  
didn't always listen to her, but he tried to at least fake paying  
attention.

It was nearing nine o'clock by the time the machine was finished.

"...so I added just enough sawdust and wood clippings that were left  
over to add just enough weight to slam you into the rock only slightly  
harder."

"I see. I think I'll rest here a moment." Tannim fell to the ground  
without bothering to catch himself. It didn't hurt worse than the  
pain his over-used muscles were already feeling. Experience taught  
him that they would be fine if given a minute's rest... it was just  
trying to get that minute around Skuld that proved to be the problem.

"Yay! I'm finally done! Finished! Complete!" She posed with her  
fingers in the classic 'V for Victory.' "I am the best! I am the  
greatest!" She yawned suddenly. "I am... I am..." She yawned again,  
more powerfully this time. "I am going to take a nap," she declared,  
curling up on top of the machine like an oversized cat and promptly  
falling asleep.

"Is she out? Is that it?" Tannim wondered as he panted from where he  
was sprawled-out on the grass.

"Finally," Urd grumbled from her position, back resting against the  
machine. If questioned she'd claim she was testing its structural  
integrity. "I thought the little brat would never run out of energy."

It took a bit of effort, but Tannim stood and stretched after getting  
his forty-odd second wind. "I got her," he said as he gathered Skuld  
in his arms. Besides, he had decided that needed to go back and get  
Rukia anyway; she'd want to do some training while he was knocked out.  
"You want to stay here?"

"Uh, sure," Urd replied with a dazzling smile. "I'll be right here."

Tannim nodded tiredly. "All right. Be back in a bit."

It didn't take long, and Skuld slept like a rock the entire trip. He  
took an extra moment to tuck her into the couch before grabbing  
Rukia's book and leaving.

On the way back he tried discussing techniques with Rukia, with less  
than optimal success.

"Look, I'm just not getting it," Tannim finally interrupted,  
exasperated. "You've been referring to things that we've probably  
been talking about in my sleep and that I can't currently remember."

The lines shook slightly in frustration. "I'm not used to trying to  
describe this with just words. If only I had my colored pencils and  
some paper..."

Tannim screwed his eyes shut, and had to resist a large urge to slap  
his forehead. "Master? You're a book who communicates through making  
pictures. That's all letters are, after all."

"..."

"And the reason I know what you look like is because you showed me  
your face, remember?"

"Well. Okay then." The words paused for a few moments longer than  
normal before dissolving, and the show began to start.

It was an interesting one, to say the least. It featured a bunny with  
a glowing fist punching a bear. Despite its inherent flaws, it did  
convey what Rukia was trying to get across, and Tannim was able to  
mimic a bit of the glow in his right hand. He held it up for  
inspection, before nodding with approval.

The words were written a trifle smug. "Do you finally get it now?"

"I guess..." he replied slowly. "But the really crappy animation  
quality made it hard to follow."

The next few pictures made Tannim wince. "Jeez, I get the point  
already. The very badly drawn and animated point, but I get it  
none-the-less. You don't like criticism, and you're gonna hurt me  
when I fall asleep tonight." He smirked. "Too bad for you I can't  
remember it in the morning."

If anything, the carnage intensified.

"Ew. That's not right, even if I'm being portrayed by a crappy  
substitute for a bear, and you by a poorly drawn bunny."

"Just get back to training!" the book snapped.

Along with her words something on the book made a small black line  
below them. Tannim saw it out of the corner of his eye and  
automatically tried to wipe it away with his thumb, but whatever it  
was it wasn't coming off. He ignored it in favor for continuing to  
read.

"Why is your light so dim? It should be brighter!"

"Well, it's just that--" He paused as he realized something about her  
text. "Wait a second... what was that in the corner? That teeny tiny  
line? Was that fine print?"

"GET BACK TO YOUR TRAINING!" Rukia stated in large bold letters.

He squinted to read. "'...and stop being so damn perceptive.' Hey!  
You are saying stuff in fine print!" He peered. "'...if I could  
mutter more quietly to myself I would.'"

"Well I would!" the book shot back in more reasonable print.

"What'cha lookin' at?" Urd asked from over Tannim's shoulder. This  
wasn't the smartest thing to do all things considered, as he still had  
his fist glowing and raised from earlier.

Tannim winced as his startled reflexes punched Urd in the forehead and  
set off the Gaijin Smash he'd been holding, knocking Urd to the side  
as he swung into her. The goddess stumbled slightly but didn't fall  
as the force of the blast was light and uncontrolled.

"Sorry there Urd," said Tannim sheepishly. "When did you get here?"  
He looked around the clearing, finally noticing he was already back at  
the machine. "I mean, when did I get here?"

Rather than respond the goddess started crawling around on her hands  
and knees. Needless to say Tannim was intrigued; the view was  
certainly very nice. "Um. What are you doing?"

"I'm looking for my contact lens."

"Oh, a contact lens. I see." His voice dripped heavy with sarcasm.  
"If you don't wanna to tell me, that's just fine."

Urd sub-vocalized a growl and turned to glare at Tannim. "I can't see  
anything without my contacts," she stated emphatically, her words  
clipped short by anger.

Tannim blinked in honest surprise. "You're serious? I thought all  
Goddesses have perfect forms. And vision." He peered at her  
intently, searching for an outward form of a blemish. She certainly  
looked like she would from the anime and manga.

Urd blushed slightly under the scrutiny; in a round about way he just  
complimented her on her figure. She went back her search. "Well,  
normally we do. I have a..." she struggled to find right word to  
describe her situation. "Problem, that interferes with my sight."  
She brightened. "There it is!"

"Is it because you're half...?" Tannim trailed off meaningfully. He  
wasn't certain how sensitive a subject her being a half demon was at  
this point, or if she'd rather just deny things and just move on. You  
never knew with Urd.

The goddess gave a hesitant nod before placing the item back where it  
belonged. She tilted her head back carefully and inserted the object.  
"Belldandy told you?"

He smirked and took on a condescending manner. "Do you really think  
that in the short time we've known each other Belldandy would have  
told me all about you and Skuld? And all your little... quirks?"

"Yes," Urd deadpanned in response.

"Oh." Tannim lost his superior attitude and scratched at his chin  
thoughtfully. "I guess you're right. But honestly the topic never  
came up. Nah, I have another source." He tried to recover with a  
poor attempt at a mysterious smile.

Urd turned a half-lidded stare towards the man. "There's no possible  
way for you to know outside of Belldandy."

"Sore wa himitsu desu," Tannim quoted with a grin.

The goddess gave a most un-ladylike snort of disbelief. "You can't  
quote Xelloss and automatically be believed as being mysterious you  
know." She jabbed a finger at Tannim's chest. "You gotta impress  
me."

"That hurt you know," Tannim rubbed irritably at the sore spot. He  
was still in the stages of his training where getting hit was painful.  
Just for that... "Fine, I'll prove it to you by telling you something  
that Belldandy would not have told another soul, especially not in  
casual conversation."

"Ha! Obviously you don't know Belldandy; she'll talk about anything."  
Urd glared at the man, daring him to contradict her words.

"Then what would it take?" Tannim was exasperated at Urd's petulant  
attitude. "Something that Belldandy doesn't know about you?"

"Yes."

"Hmm... that's pretty limited. I don't recall that you had many  
secrets from her." Tannim scratched the back of his head in thought.  
"Well, if I remember correctly, the name of your angel is World of  
Elegance," he remarked off-handedly.

Urd reacted as if Tannim had slapped her. In spite of her heavy tan  
she paled visibly, with eyes glazed over in shock as her mouth worked  
open and closed. Unsteadily a hand rose towards Tannim's direction.

"...how...?" she croaked out. "...how could you...? How?"

Oh, he was a terrible person. He knew it. But it was an immense  
relief to see someone else flummoxed by a situation totally out of  
their control. Tannim grinned from ear to ear and had to choke back a  
laugh. He couldn't help but add, "A partial reason is that I know the  
future."

This snapped Urd out of her stupor as she focused on an incongruity.  
"But your file! You're not--!"

"Well, about that..." Tannim trailed off.

Urd blinked rapidly and leaned forward to better catch the fading  
voice. "Yes?"

"...that..." repeated Tannim, his voice barely above a whisper.

"That?" she prompted impatiently.

"That... is a secret!" he finished with his best shit-eating grin.

The fall to the ground in shock as Urd lost muscle control from  
surprise did little more than rob her of her dignity. The goddess  
recovered quickly and sprang to her feet, blushing fiercely with a  
combination of rage and embarrassment.

"Fine! Be that way! See if I untie you in the morning!" Urd snapped  
as she turned away. Rather than say anything more she stormed off,  
visibly shaken by Tannim's words.

As soon as he made sure that the goddess was out of earshot Tannim  
began laughing so hard he was forced to clutch his sides in pain. The  
bitter truth was that misery loves company, and he couldn't think of a  
better person to share his misery with.

"Oh, oho, heh, I better start training for real." He wiped away a  
tear and continued onwards towards his destination. In no time he  
reached the waterwheel and began preparing for his training.

It was easy enough to strap himself into the device. Getting out  
would be the problem, as all the cords wrapped around him were  
designed to tighten when pressure was applied. His right arm remained  
free while his left was fastened down with the rest of his body.

As his hand rested on the start cord of the monstrosity that he and  
Skuld created, he chuckled at an errant thought. "Wait, I know the  
future right? Heh. I wonder if there's an opening for a Tuxedo  
Pluto?" He snorted. "Ha! Tuxedo Pluto! I kill myself..."

With that amusing thought he gave the cord a firm tug.

* * *

In Japan, Setsuna Meiou sneezed.

"What is it, Setsuna?" The speaker was Kaname Chidori, age sixteen.  
Her clothes marked her as a student of Juuban High School while her  
light blue tresses and fair skin provided a remarkable contrast to  
Setsuna's green locks and dark complexion.

"It's nothing, Kaname. Just my allergies is all." Setsuna, aged  
seventeen, rubbed her nose absently.

"Maybe a BOY was talking about you?" Kaname teased.

Setsuna snickered and glanced around. "If that was the case, we'd  
both be sneezing non-stop."

Kaname turned a flat look towards the assembled crowd. As per the  
usual custom for lunch, she and Setsuna were enjoying the shade of one  
of the school's many trees. Surrounding said tree was a solid wall of  
onlookers and gawkers, comprised mostly of boys but still had a few  
girls. This sort of effect occurred every time the two of them got  
together. "True enough," she admitted.

Setsuna playfully jabbed at Kaname with her chopsticks. "C'mon, you  
know this is the price we pay for being the two most popular girls in  
school. You should enjoy it a little."

"I just wish all those dumb jocks would stop asking me out." Kaname  
took a bite of her lunch a bit more forcefully than she needed to.  
"Seriously, I had to turn down thirty-seven people yesterday! I swear  
some of them put on disguises and asked me twice!"

The older girl shrugged. "You were the one who gave that speech about  
assertiveness..."

"It's not my fault they were acting so pathetic..." Kaname sulked.

"...and now you're in the fallout," Setsuna finished with a knowing  
nod. Her voice lightened, "You should know by now, Kana-chan, that no  
good deed goes unpunished." She smiled to take the sting out of her  
words.

"Yeah, well, I don't see you beating guys off with a stick," Kaname  
noted irritably as she shot a glare towards her friend. "Some of them  
should be asking YOU out. What's your secret?"

Setsuna gave an enigmatic smile as her eyes flashed with mirth. "Why,  
my mysterious aura of course. It keeps the boys so impressed that  
they're too flummoxed to speak. It was cute to start with," she  
grimaced, "not so much now."

Kaname patted Setsuna's back comfortingly. "Still don't have a  
boyfriend yet?"

"Not that I'd go with any of the boys here." She waved a hand  
dismissively. "They're way too immature. Besides, you're one to  
talk." Setsuna threw a pointed look in Kaname's direction.

"You caught me!" The blue-haired girl admitted ruefully and forced a  
nervous laugh. To cover up the embarrassment of being reminded of her  
own romance-related problems, Kaname took a few more bites of her  
bento. The boxed lunch was held up close to her face so that she  
could safely eat the rice without spilling it; this had the incidental  
effect of cutting off the line of sight between herself and Setsuna so  
she wouldn't have to look her friend in the eye.

In the end, it mattered not. When Kaname lowered her lunch she was  
greeted with the sight of Setsuna mere inches away and staring hard at  
her. Setsuna's eyes narrowed and her voice deepened to an ominous  
tone. "What kind of boy are you looking for, Ka - Na - Me - Chan?"

Kaname recoiled in surprise as she tried to hide her blush. "I, I, I  
just, I just don't know, okay! I don't know!" She twiddled her  
fingers self-consciously and looked away. Desperate to change the  
topic she shot back with, "What about you, Setsu-senpai? What kind of  
boy would you like?"

"What kind of boy would I like?" Setsuna repeated, obviously lost in  
thought, and sat back with a finger placed artfully on her chin.  
"What kind of boy...?"

Kaname rolled her eyes at the display. She knew that the only times  
that her friend ever used that pose was when Setsuna had already  
thought long and hard on a subject; it was so she could fully recall  
each detail. Many a person in the past mistakenly believed the  
green-haired beauty slow-witted because of that habit.

"He has to be a foreigner," Setsuna finally began. "No way am I  
getting stuck in this country. American, preferably. He also has to  
be rich, handsome, physically and mentally strong, as well as great in  
bed. A must is that he has to know me and understand me, and be  
sensitive to my needs. But I also wouldn't want some loser who  
couldn't hold their own in a fight."

The blue-haired girl sat stunned for a few moments. "...wow. That's,  
uh, a pretty tall order there." She shook her head and pointed out,  
"Realistically, if such a guy like that did exist, he would already be  
taken."

"I know." Setsuna nodded seriously and paused to tuck an errant green  
strand of hair back into place. "But nothing worth having is easy. I  
realize love is a battlefield." Lunch was ending, and rather than  
simply stand she planted her feet and thrust a finger towards the  
horizon to the east. "For that man, I'd fight heaven and earth!" she  
declared.

* * *

Back in America, Tannim Murphy sneezed.

"Damn allergies," he muttered irritably and rubbed at his nose. When  
he pulled back his hand it was damp, and his vision blurred a few  
seconds as he tried to focus on it.

"Oh. Blood. Cranial bleeding or broken nose?" he asked himself.

With no one around to answer Tannim shrugged and continued on with his  
training. In the end it didn't matter anyway. He winced as he  
impacted against the rock once more.

The machine he and Skuld had made was working just as intended.  
Unfortunately it also boasted one major flaw that had only become  
evident when put into use.

There was no way for him to turn it off.

"Can't stop the signal Mal," he warbled deliriously, just before being  
forcefully slammed against the rock. Again.

And again.

And again.

* * *

"You're so silly, Setsu-senpai!" Kaname giggled at the display as she  
rose to her feet.

"I do have my moments," Setsuna agreed. The green-haired high school  
student framed her chin with a hand and gave her best impression of a  
roguish grin, complete with the sun sparkling off her teeth.

Behind Kaname a girl cried out "Setsuna-shamaaaa!" in obvious ecstasy,  
clutched at her chest, and feinted dead away. A few concerned  
students tried to rouse the latest teen coldheartedly shot down by  
cupid's arrow, but found to their dismay they couldn't reach her  
through her self-induced fantasy. The girl began mumbling feverishly  
under her breath and twitching, enough to keep the rest of the student  
body at bay.

"Not again," Setsuna sighed and hid her face in shame. "That's the  
third time this week."

"Then stop making that face!" chided Kaname.

"You know just as I do that anything will set that girl off," the  
green-haired girl remarked wryly. She rolled her eyes for emphasis.

Setsuna Meiou had a bane, and her name was Yashima Sanae.

Oh, it had been flattering at first. But as time wore on, Yashima had  
kept making more and more public displays of her... affections. The  
problem was that the girl was just as shy as her convictions were  
strong. This was just the latest in a long string of embarrassing  
events.

Just earlier this week Yashima tried to join the Swim Club in an  
obvious attempt to get closer to her beloved "Setsuna-shama." That  
had ended in disaster. At the sight of Setsuna in a swimsuit Yashima  
developed a nosebleed that threatened to contaminate the entire pool  
during the first swim practice.

And everyone knew. There was no secret, could be no secret, because  
it happened so often that every single person at the school had  
witnessed it at one time or another.

But it was still embarrassing.

"That girl really needs a hobby," muttered Setsuna on her way back to  
class.

* * *

"Teach, I've been thinking." Tannim spoke in a detached manner that  
indicated he was talking about one thing and thinking about another.  
'Two hundred and eighty-nine. Two hundred and ninety. Two hundred  
and ninety-one.'

"Hmm?" Rukia looked down from her position of standing on Tannim's  
shoulders. She claimed her slight weight actually added to the  
difficulty of the pushups. Tannim knew for a fact it was because it  
put her in perfect kicking distance.

'Two hundred and ninety-two. Two hundred and ninety-three,' he  
thought to himself before asking aloud, "Why am I doing pushups? Why  
am I not practicing martial arts movement and at least gaining  
unconscious muscle memory? I'm sure my body will remember things  
where my mind does not." He grunted as he hit the three hundred mark.

Rukia kicked the back of Tannim's head with a 'pay attention, there  
will be a quiz later' tap. In the short period of time they had known  
each other, Rukia had developed a variety of ways to communicate  
through hitting and Tannim had become quite adept at reading them.  
Rukia was very vocal about her displeasure when he missed something.

"We've been training your mind, dolt. Everything you do in here is  
helping your spiritual abilities. When you first arrived, we worked  
on control, until you could use every scrap of spiritual energy at  
your disposal. Now we're working on building that power." She  
smirked with obvious self-satisfaction. "Normally a martial artist  
has to train and mediate for decades for the kind of spiritual energy  
and control of that energy that you have been acquiring in the span of  
a few days." She kicked the back of Tannim's head again for good  
measure. "Be thankful."

"Oh... that's what makes it a cheater's guide," he said as  
understanding dawned. But something else had been bothering him as  
well. "So, why doesn't the Gaijin Smash hurt? All the other attacks  
I know actually do damage."

"Hmm. That is a good question." The four foot tall spiritual entity  
gripped her chin in contemplation. "I think it would be best if I  
showed you."

Tannim could hear Rukia going through her black robes, looking for her  
notebook. If he didn't act quickly, he'd have to sit through another  
one of her lame drawing lectures. "No, no-no, just tell me. Please?"  
he begged.

"It's much easier to understand with pictures for reference," the  
black-haired girl replied stubbornly.

"Just this once, I'd like to see if I can understand without the  
picture guide," he said. "Afterwards, if I still don't get it, I'll  
gladly let you..."

The man trailed off when he realized Rukia was ignoring him in favor  
of drawing. The scritch-scratch of her colored pencils were  
unmistakable. When she finished she presented the booklet for  
Tannim's inspection by holding it in front of his face. "See? This is  
much easier to understand!"

Tannim bit back the first three comments that sprang to mind. "Okay,  
I think I get it. It's basically like the Shi Shi Hokudan in that it  
uses a form of condensed air, but instead of wasting it by tossing it,  
the attack focuses it on the punch." Tannim tried to make sense of  
the technique using references from what he already knew.

Rukia perked at the mention of another term she didn't know. Her  
student was a font of really strange martial arts information, and it  
worked in her favor that he was so free with it. "What kind of move  
is that?"

"It's a ranged attack, but not very good." Tannim continued, simply  
happy to have something to talk about. Those pushups were so damn  
boring. "It requires extreme amounts of heavy emotion generated by  
the user in order to work. Now on the other hand it sounds like the  
Spirit Gun would kick ass with this technique, but I have no clue what  
kind of training that would entail. Hmm, that's odd..." Tannim lapsed  
into silence as another thought struck him.

Rukia prompted Tannim with a light kick to the kidney. "What's odd?"

"Huh? Oh, just that the more that I think about it, the more the  
Spirit Gun and the Gaijin Smash have in common. Yusuke had to use an  
aid to be able to fire the energy from his body to begin with. It's  
quite possible I'm just learning to use the same force differently."

"So? Why is this important?" Rukia idly dug her heel into Tannim's  
unprotected back.

"Because the Spirit Gun had the force of a punch just to begin with,  
and it got stronger. Plus, it's also a ranged attack. If I could  
modify the Gaijin Smash accordingly..." he trailed off meaningfully.

"Ah. I see." Rukia sat down on her student's head and stretched out  
her feet so they were resting on his buttocks. "That is a thought  
indeed."

Tannim carefully bit back a remark about Rukia's weight. The distant  
hope was if he became perfectly still his Sensei would stay lost in  
thought. He froze in the half-pushup.

A few seconds passed before Rukia stiffened. "Do you hear that?"

The martial artist in training immediately zeroed in on his hearing  
senses. After a few moments of listening to nothing but the grass  
rustle in what passed for wind in this place, he asked in a hushed  
whisper. "What is it, teach?"

"It's... the sound... of someone SLACKING OFF!" Rukia finished with a  
snarl and a punch to the back of Tannim's head. She flipped backwards  
off his body as his face dug deeply into the ground. "Back to work!"

The sound of thunder rumbling in the distance halted both Tannim from  
getting back into the pushup position, and Rukia from striking the boy  
for being too slow. The two turned in unison.

Tannim stared at the storm with a growing sense of dread, and the  
ominous flashes of red lightning were not comforting in the slightest.  
"What the hell is that?"

* * *

Urd was startled into wakefulness by her little sister as Skuld  
clutched painfully on her arm. Being awoken from a deep slumber  
wasn't a pleasant experience to begin with, and Urd was by no means a  
morning person. "What is it now?" she snapped.

Skuld bursting into tears was not the kind of reaction Urd was  
expecting, but prepared to deal with. It was easy to revert back to  
old childhood habits as the elder goddess gently reached over to Skuld  
and began stroking her hair. Urd cooed softly into her little  
sister's ear. "What is it? What's wrong?" The words and motion had  
the desired effect, and Skuld calmed down considerably.

Outside lightning flashed, thunder roared, and rain pelted the  
apartment window fiercely. "It's just lightning and thunder and rain,  
that's all," she soothed. "Nothing to worry about. Perfectly normal  
for Midgard."

"I know!" Skuld sobbed into Urd's side. "But I'm still scared!"

"There, there..." Urd patted Skuld's head and continued her best to  
calm her hysterical sister down. It might have been the unfamiliar  
setting, or the fact that Belldandy wasn't here, but it took a very  
long time for Skuld to drift off to sleep.

* * *

Things hadn't improved in the dreamscape. The mountains were  
crumbling, the trees were burning, the river had run dry and the green  
grass was turning brown at a visible rate.

"This does not bode well," Tannim muttered.

"Well understated, my student," Rukia replied.

"What does it mean?"

"Obviously you must confront your greatest fear." Rukia nodded  
decisively.

The man wasn't buying it. He turned towards his teacher and frowned  
down at her irritably. "You don't know what this is either, do you?"

She punched him in the face. "Of course not! What do I look like, a  
seer? But as you are the student you must fight it! Besides," she  
added as an afterthought, "it'll probably be good training."

The ground beneath their feet began to shake at steady intervals every  
few seconds.

Tannim gaped at Rukia. "Probably? Probably good training? You're  
not sure?"

"That's assuming you survive." Rukia said this as if it was the most  
obvious thing in the world.

"Survive?" Tannim repeated dumbly. Rukia silently pointed behind him,  
the expression on her face devoid of any emotion.

With no small amount of trepidation Tannim slowly turned to face his  
greatest fear. It was fifty feet tall, made of stone, and had a large  
pair of glowing red eyes fixated firmly upon his trembling form.

It was shaped vaguely like a monkey.

Tannim got as far as "Oh shi--" before the colossus unleashed its  
first devastating attack upon the hapless individual. It drove him  
into the ground like a stake with its fist, crushing his entire upper  
torso from his head to his waist flat.

He regenerated moments later looking stunned. "Ow!" he cried and  
clutched at his right arm, as it hadn't regenerated as fast as the  
rest of him. Sure, it was still visibly reforming before his eyes,  
but the fact that he was watching the process was worrying.

When Rukia began training she had killed Tannim in as many inventive  
ways as possible. This was done for many reasons, not the least of  
which a student put under that kind of pressure gets better in a  
hurry, no matter who they were.

Due to the magic of the strange dreamscape pain was transmitted to his  
brain just as if he'd been killed for real. The brain, after being  
told the news of his demise, had never failed to double-check the  
information. It was this process that allowed him to come back to  
life, and reestablish his sense of self in this place. So far, in  
every instance, each occurrence had been instantaneous and complete.  
The pain never really left, but afterwards he'd be able to continue to  
function at full capacity.

It was just like a fighting video game, really, and he was set on  
practice mode against expert difficulty. His life bar would go down,  
he could be injured and not killed, and as soon as he 'died' he'd be  
back up and ready to fight. Now he was still injured after coming  
back and that couldn't be good.

"Rukia! I need help!" He managed to struggle far enough out of the  
ground so that the next blow crushed him flat against the dirt, rather  
than driving him farther into it.

"Are you crazy? Have you seen the size of that thing?" Rukia shouted  
from her position of safety outside of the colossus's arm reach. This  
was quite a distance away.

As soon as the man reformed he began sprinting as quickly as he could  
directly away from the monster and towards Rukia. This prompted her  
to keep the same distance away from him by running in the same  
direction. "Don't you have any advice for me at least?" Tannim  
shouted towards her.

"Hit it in its weak spot!" Rukia advised, and then winced  
sympathetically when the giant monkey colossus used its stone tail to  
whip around and smash her student into a bloody pulp.

"It's a rock!" He shouted when he reformed. This time his right leg  
was having a bit of trouble as he scurried away. "It doesn't have any  
weak spots!"

"If you don't think of something quickly, you will die at this rate!"

It was the note of real fear in her voice that caused Tannim to pause  
and look down at himself. His right arm was nothing more than a  
bloody mass of muscle and skin tissue, desperately trying to reform  
itself with the help of a strange green light.

He was interrupted at this point by a particularly nasty backhand,  
compliments of the colossus. Tannim considered himself lucky it had  
launched him far enough away to give him a little breathing room to  
think. Unfortunately he couldn't feel anything below his waist,  
indicating a broken back from the blow. It was a testament to his  
recently acquired resilience that he hadn't been killed outright.

Tannim ignored the steady rumbling of the ground, signaling the giant  
monkey's advance on his position. Instead he focused his attention on  
his re-knitting arm. As disgusting as it was to watch, he felt a sort  
of connection with the green energy that was trying to heal him. It  
felt calm, serine, and a bit anxious to have him back up and running  
at full capacity.

"Belldandy?" he whispered to his arm.

The green light surged briefly, before settling back to its previous  
luminescence.

"I'm gonna need a lot more help than that." He gulped and he glanced  
back towards the monkey colossus. It was just about to reach him. "A  
lot more. Don't you have some sort of emergency protocol you could  
activate or something?"

If possible, the green light seemed to hesitate.

"Anything, I don't care what it is!" Tannim cried in desperation as  
the monstrous monkey reared back its fist to strike again. "If you  
need my permission I give it!"

Power surged through Tannim's being and a bright green light, so  
bright it bordered on white, burst from his eyes, nose, mouth, and  
ears as he was lifted several feet into the air. It was bright enough  
to blind his enemy for a precious few seconds allowing his feet time  
to resume contact with the ground as the lights faded, and when he  
opened his eyes they were still glowing with the green power.

Rukia noted that Tannim stood a good foot and a half taller than he  
had previously, had a darker skin tone, and hair so white it could  
have been formed from the driven snow. These changes obviously didn't  
register on the young man as he turned to face his opponent.

"ROOOOOAAAAAAR!" The monkey howled directly in the man's face as only  
a fifty-foot tall creature can, blowing his hair straight back for the  
duration of the scream. The ground shook and what was left of the  
trees trembled.

Tannim narrowed his glowing eyes in obvious anger. "I am so gunna  
kick your ass."

Fifty-foot colossus or not, the monstrosity struck as fast as a  
regular-sized monkey. But this time his opponent was quick enough to  
dodge, and the blow went wide by mere feet.

"Is that the best you can do?" the man taunted from his position next  
to the stone hand. After the creature pulled back the arm for a  
second strike the man shook his head as if to clear it. He muttered  
to himself. "I know better than to taunt."

Rather than dodge the next attack, he met right fist with right fist.  
The blow shattered the ground beneath Tannim's feet, kicking up dust  
and rubble from the force of the strike. Against all sense the man  
remained upright, and when the colossus pulled back the right fist  
began to crumble. It bellowed in pain.

"It's time to end this!" Tannim declared as his eyes glowed more  
brightly in response to his emotions. The power flowing through him,  
changing him, enhancing him was welcomed heedless of the consequences.  
Any change was welcome as long as it provided a means of winning.

While the colossus was still reeling from the loss of its hand the man  
struck, leaping forward to attack. It took several successive leaps  
and bounds up the monster's legs in order to reach the glowing spot he  
could now see. His left hand dug deeply into the rock to find  
purchase, and his feet were steadied by kicking them just hard enough  
to lodge into the colossus for some footholds. By the time the giant  
monkey had noticed that the small creature it had been pummeling was  
now around its waist, it was far too late.

With a cry that could be heard across the entirety of the dreamscape,  
Tannim sealed the fate of the stone creature before him by poking it  
with his right index finger and screaming two simple words.

"BREAKING POINT!"

* * *

TBC...


	7. Chapter 7

Otaku Muyo 

(No need for a fan.)

by Tannim Murphy

Disclaimer: Characters depicted herein are not used with their  
respective creators' consent. Except, of course, for Tannim and  
anyone else I made up.

---

Chapter 7

---

Juuban, Japan

A lone girl strode down the virtually deserted street, the sunset's  
dying rays illuminating a local rural shopping district. At least, it  
had been up until a few years ago; now it was deserted due to lack of  
business. As the sun gently receded into the horizon, Setsuna Meiou  
carefully walked her usual path home after a long day at school,  
unconcerned by absence of people. It was something of a miracle to  
find a place alone in such a crowded city, and for the green haired  
girl this route home was a pleasant haven, allowing her to have some  
time alone to think.

It was tough being popular, Setsuna reflected. She supposed it was  
her own fault, really. Her father even cautioned her about taking on  
as many responsibilities as she did. Being captain of the swim team  
as well as the student body vice president left her precious little  
free time outside of class. When she wasn't busy with her rigorous  
training schedule that kept her club members at the top of their  
league, it often fell to her to assist fellow students whenever they  
had a problem. A few of her more dedicated underclassmen insisted on  
private tutoring after every club session, and she spent much of her  
time in the pool tirelessly instructing the same three girls on the  
same set of maneuvers.

That they never learned and floundered in the water like drunken fish  
was another issue she had learned to deal with. Setsuna idly wondered  
how well her underclassmen would do if they actually tried to swim  
instead of fighting for her attention.

It was the sound of something shattering that broke Setsuna out of her  
reverie, and she glanced up at the crunch of glass being stepped on.  
The... thing ...that stepped out of the ruined storefront caused  
Setsuna to pause.

In a parody of woman femininity the creature that greeted her sight  
wore a dark green body-hugging leotard that looked more leaf than  
cloth, and it either didn't feel or ignored the broken glass beneath  
her lightly greened scaled feet. A slight shake of its head cleared  
surprisingly red hair out of a pair of distorted purple eyes set on a  
green scaled face.

Setsuna stared incredulously. Then she took a nervous step backwards  
as the monster jerked its head in her direction, and another step as a  
slow, evil smile spread across its face. It had a grin that stretched  
from ear to ear, revealing a full set of very thin and sharp-looking  
teeth.

"YoU WiLL giVE mE ThE eSSeNcE oF yOuR LifE aNd DiE," it promised  
coldly. Licking lips in anticipation, the long purple tongue slowly  
caressed its teeth.

Setsuna was not impressed.

"You have got to be kidding me," she sneered. "What are you supposed  
to be? A lounge lizard reject?"

"i'LL HAve yOU kNoW i'M a YouMA oF ThE hIgHeST QuaLiTY!" the youma  
snapped, stomping a foot in irritation. The evil look it had been  
sporting moments before was replaced by a particularly petulant pout.  
"i WaS CReATed bY NoNE oThEr thAN LoRD JaDeiTE HiMSeLf!"

"Obviously he has no sense of fashion," Setsuna shot back. "I mean  
really, green on green? With a red top? Please." A hand was waved  
dismissively. "I could have designed better in my sleep."

"WhaT'S wRoNG WiTH mY OutFiT?" The youma glanced down with worry and  
note of uncertainty crept into its horribly distorted voice. "i  
haPPeN tO LiKE gReeN. i thInK iT coMpLiMeNTs mY EyES. sO wHAt iF i'M  
ALso gReeN? WhaT dOEs iT rEallY maTTeR?"

Several seconds ticked by, without a response. The youma looked up  
with a worried expression on its face.

Setsuna ignored the shrieks of rage behind her as she hurried down the  
narrow alleyway. Nothing more than a glorified crawlspace between two  
buildings, at least it served as a handy escape route while the  
creature had been distracted by her witty banter. It surprised her  
that any creature would fall for such a basic tactic straight out of a  
comic book, but Setsuna wasn't the kind of person to let any advantage  
slip by them.

What little light that was left in the day dimmed considerably as  
Setsuna made her way deeper into the alleyway. Discarded cardboard  
boxes were the only obstacle to her footing in an otherwise typically  
clean Japanese side-street. It did not help her state of mind any to  
note that the light at the end of the alley looked suspiciously like a  
light at the end of a tunnel. She was only sixteen; she wasn't ready  
to discover which religion had the afterlife right!

"WHeRe DiD yOU gO, LiTtLe giRL?"

Setsuna risked looking over her shoulder to check on the status of her  
enemy, and as she guessed from the sound of its voice the youma was  
still at the entrance of the alleyway looking around wildly. Now  
would be her chance to duck into a handy shadow and hide.

Unfortunately Setsuna violated the most important principle of  
running: never look back. Murphy's Law decided to kick in, and her  
foot connected with a previously unseen alley cat sleeping in the  
shadows. The thing howled up a ruckus at being disturbed as it sailed  
the length of the alley, and this, in turn, woke up the other twenty  
felines sleeping in the alleyway.

"Crap," Setsuna swore. It appeared her perfect escape was not to be.

"THeRE yOU aRe!"

As if to mock her situation, one of the cats leapt onto Setsuna's left  
shoulder and clung on, digging its claws through her thin school  
uniform and into her skin. Rather than try to dislodge the frightened  
feline she continued running as fast as her feet could carry her.

Soon she was out of the alleyway with the youma hot on her heels.  
Blindly she ran into what the fading light revealed to be a  
little-used backstreet. She hadn't been this way before and was  
unfamiliar with the area. Setsuna hesitated.

"Turn left!"

A voice shouted next to Setsuna's ear, and acting on pure instinct she  
reflexively obeyed. A scaled claw swiped through the air narrowly  
missing both girl and cat, but still managing to dig deep furrows into  
the cement wall behind them.

"Did you just talk?" Setsuna shouted to the cat on her shoulder as  
she ran. Briefly Setsuna wished she had joined the field and track  
team instead of the swim team.

"Luna, pleased to meet you," Luna replied in a calm voice. "I'd cross  
the street now if I were you."

Without even bothering to look Setsuna threw herself sideways. The  
youma smashed into the ground where Setsuna had been moments before.

"aWW, i MisSeD!" It paused. "BuT thAT WaS fUN!"

The youma started taking its time, leaping after Setsuna every few  
seconds rather than straight out running. This allowed the  
green-haired girl to slightly keep ahead of the youma, as long as she  
ran as fast as she could.

"WEeEe! WOohOoO!"

It was starting to get hard to breathe, however. Despite a very  
impressive set of aquatic lungs the terror of the situation was  
getting to Setsuna, shortening her breath.

"What's. Going. On?" she huffed.

"You'll only have one chance. I'm going to expose its weakness. You  
must strike then."

Setsuna was confused. "What? Strike?"

"No time!" Luna cried, leaping off of Setsuna's shoulder.

The cat dashed off before Setsuna could react, the act incidentally  
saving her life as the cat pushed her just off-balance enough to  
stumble out of the way of the youma's next attack. She yelped in  
surprise, but didn't pause in her running as she changed course for  
another trip across the street.

Setsuna didn't notice the youma pause behind her, looking between  
herself and the direction that the cat, Luna, ran off to. This  
allowed her time to run up to the backside of a building that was very  
large; she lamented, however, that the next alleyway was quite a ways  
down.

As she ran she noticed a long, thin metal pipe in her path. It was  
about two inches in diameter, four feet long and very thick. In other  
words it was the perfects size for a Jo staff, a four-foot version of  
the six-foot Bo staff, famed for having been the only type of weapon  
to defeat Japan's greatest swordsman, Miyamoto Musashi, in single  
combat.

Not that she knew how to use such a weapon. But a long metal pipe in  
her hands would certainly go far towards making her feel safer.

Setsuna paused to snatch up the weapon. When she straightened up,  
Setsuna realized with a start that she couldn't hear where the  
creature was any longer, and risked a look behind her to see where the  
monster had gone to.

To her great relief there was nothing behind her. "It must have gone  
after the cat," Setsuna mused. Maybe if she got enough distance from  
the area, the youma would forget about her entirely.

It was fortunate that Setsuna was slow to step forward. The direction  
the youma had taken was revealed as it fell from the sky. The youma  
crashed in front of Setsuna, knocking her down with surprise. Setsuna  
landed unceremoniously on her posterior, sending the pipe flying as it  
slipped from her fingers.

"Ha hA! FoOLeD yA!" The youma pointed at Setsuna and laughed. "YoU  
sHOulD hAvE SEeN tHe LoOK oN yOuR fAcE! iT wAs tO DiE FoR!" It  
paused to wipe away a tear. "ThAT wAs sO fUnnY, i'M aLMoST sOrrY i  
HaVE tO kILL yOu NoW."

When the youma finally opened its eyes, it found itself talking to a  
Setsuna-shaped hole.

"NOT AgAIN!" It spotted Setsuna quickly and began stalking after her  
at a brisk pace. "i CaN'T BeLIEve YoU DiD ThAT tWIcE tO mE! JeeZ,  
tHaT ReALLy TiCkS mE oFF!"

Setsuna whimpered. The best she had been able to do was bolt across  
the street while the youma had been distracted. There were a couple  
of doors over there; hopefully one would be unlocked.

A black blur shot from the shadows and leapt onto the youma's face  
before it could react, clawing madly at its forehead. Scales flaked  
quickly away under the assault until Luna was illuminated with a pink  
light from whatever she'd uncovered, at which point she leapt up.

"WHaT DiD YoU dO tO mE kItTY?" The youma cried, shocked, as it  
clutched at its protruding heart crystal. It was now clearly visible  
and radiating a pink light.

Luna paused on top of the head long enough to shout, "Shatter the  
crystal!" before leaping away to safety.

Despite Luna's feline agility, however, the youma snatched the cat out  
of mid-air before Luna could fully escape.

"BaD kItTY!"

With a flick of its wrist the creature pitched Luna hard against the  
nearby concrete wall. The unfortunate moon cat impacted with a  
sickening crunch and landed in an uneven heap on the ground.

Setsuna found her pipe again and took the time to re-arm herself,  
holding the weapon in front of her awkwardly. None of the doors she  
had tried were open, and there weren't any handy alleyways to scurry  
away in. Apparently her last option was to fight it out.

Great, she'd been Treasurer of the Students for World Peace Club for  
nothing. Why hadn't she taken her father's advice and learned a  
martial art?

"oH, YoU'rE gOnnA PaY, mIssIE," the youma promised as it fearlessly  
stomped towards her. It raised a digit in agitation. "FiRSt i'M  
gOnnA--"

Both the green-haired girl and the evil minion were startled by a  
sudden squealing of tires, followed by the bright glare of headlights.  
Both came without warning from the direction Setsuna had been running.

"Eeeek!"

"mY EyEs! THeY BURN!"

Set at an intensity normally reached only by the sun, the headlights  
blinded anyone vaguely looking in its general direction. Thanks to  
the fact that Setsuna was currently cowering in the lee of a doorway,  
her retinas were saved by reflexively shutting her eyes. Being out in  
the middle of the street, the youma was not so lucky.

The screech of torn metal echoed down the street above the din of a  
diesel engine. At impact the Hino truck was traveling somewhere  
around forty miles an hour.

Setsuna stared hard at the empty space in front of her, trying to  
blink her eyes clear of spots and not quite believing her luck. What  
were the odds such a large truck would come barreling down such a  
narrow, out of the way backstreet at this time of night?

---

The youma was surprised, to say the least. Being denied its prize at  
the cusp of victory was somewhat of a shock.

Despite being highly resilient to damage the monster couldn't prevent  
itself from being half-way indented into the truck, with its left arm  
immobilized within the twisted remains of the grill. The youma  
decided after a moment of careful consideration that the most painful  
part on its body had to be its breasts. It wasn't just that the soft  
part of its chest was lacerated on the shattered glass that had  
formerly been two front headlights; there was also a constant flow of  
electricity where its decidedly perky breasts were firmly jammed into  
the arcing light sockets.

After flailing its arm madly and banging it several times against the  
side of the truck in agitation, the driver finally noticed his new  
hood ornament. Without missing a beat he pulled a sawed-off  
double-barrel shotgun from the hostler beneath his seat and leveled it  
at the demon.

"i thOUghT GuNS wErE OutLAwED iN JapAN!" screeched the youma.

The man took a deep drag on his cigarette, idly cracked his neck and  
spoke without bothering to remove the Marlboro. "Too bad for you no  
one told the Great Driver Onizuka."

The creature howled in anger and frustration as it stared straight  
into the twin barrels inches away from its eyeballs. Let him do his  
worst!

Wait, wasn't its heart crystal--?

Onizuka shot the youma point-blank in the face, payload from both  
barrels booming loudly even against the din of the truck engine. The  
creature crumbled into fine dust as the device that gave it life was  
shattered.

"Stupid demons," Onizuka grumbled and picked at his nose, after he  
stashed his gun back in its hiding place. "Shit! Japan sure is going  
to hell these days."

---

Setsuna found Luna to be in bad shape. It was all Setsuna could do to  
make Luna comfortable by gently rubbing a thumb her between the cat's  
ears.

"The Dark Kingdom was attacking and I... I couldn't just lie there,  
pretending nothing was happen... ning. Here, take this--" the cat  
unhooked a small, oddly-shaped crystal from her collar with the last  
of her strength, "--and use it to fight... the darkness..."

Luna's breathing became more erratic, and Setsuna had to lean in close  
in order to hear the cat's last words. "Protect... the princess  
...you're our only hope... Sailor Moon."

Luna's small body violently twitched one last time, then stilled.

---

Crossroads, California

Tannim Murphy woke in a foul mood, not entirely willing to surrender  
his rest to the daylight hours. He knew he was having problems if he  
was having crazy dreams about Sailor Pluto as a teenager. As usual  
the details of the dream escaped him, but he was left with a vague  
impression of uneasiness and fear, and he reflected that he was  
getting a lot of that these days.

"I have got to start remembering my dreams better," Tannim mumbled  
without opening his eyes or bothering to move. By his reckoning he  
had more than earned some rest. It was highly doubtful he'd had a  
decent night's sleep since he started those night classes with Rukia,  
and his day job wasn't exactly a picnic either. Whatever he was  
laying on felt as comfortable as goose down to his tired body.  
Feelings of warmth and protection spread throughout his form and  
instinctually he rubbed his face deeper into the substance for more  
comfort.

The sound that resulted from the movement caused Tannim to pause.  
"What the...?" He wiggled again, this time with his whole body to  
verify that yes: his ears were right next to some rocks that were  
grinding together. The sound was small but unmistakable due to the  
range.

"Oh thank God! I totally thought you were dead!"

Tannim was interrupted from his musings by a feminine voice behind him  
and to his right that he didn't immediately recognize. The man  
blearily raised his head to look around and his eyes passed over the  
girl twice before finally taking note of her. Pale blonde hair  
cascaded unchecked down the back of her green t-shirt and reached the  
tops of her blue jeans, while a backwards-swept baseball cap held her  
hair out of a pair of inquisitive blue eyes. If pressed Tannim would  
have placed her age around sixteen or so.

"I'm the managers' daughter," she said looking concerned. "Are you  
all right? Like, what were you doing sleeping on a pile of rocks?"

Tannim mumbled an incoherent response and groggily moved himself to a  
sitting position. His whole body felt sluggish and weak while his  
mind wasn't fairing much better. Brainpower was working around the  
level of 'fire bad, tree pretty.' A quick look around still confused  
the hell out of him as things had changed dramatically overnight.  
After several false starts he finally managed to croak out a question.  
"Wha' happen?"

The girl didn't seem to mind as she chatted away. "Looks like during  
the night the ol' waterwheel's main axle just snapped right off and  
carried the whole kit 'n caboodle downstream. It was, like, a  
humungous storm last night with tons of flooding. We're so totally  
lucky to have our apartments on the high ground. The worst of it was  
downstream."

It took some effort, but Tannim managed to focus his attention on the  
girl. There was a quality about her that was tickling his clouded  
memories something fierce. Coincidently at the same moment, the girl  
looked back at him as if also trying to recall a lost memory.

"Have we met before?" they asked each other at the same time.

"I don't think so," the two continued in perfect unison.

"That's creepy."

"Stop it!"

"You stop it!"

Conversation halted as both people clamped their mouths shut with  
audible clicks. Tannim pointed at the girl and indicated that she  
should speak first.

"Perhaps we got off on the wrong foot," the blonde grinned  
self-consciously and stuck out her hand. "Name's Deedlit Anderson.  
Pleased ta meet'cha!"

"Charmed," Tannim replied faintly as he shook the digit. Trying his  
level best to clear the mental fog he shook his head and pinched at  
the bridge of his nose. "I'm sorry, I must have misheard you. I  
thought you said your name was Deedlit."

"Yep!" Deedlit nodded cheerfully. "That's my name!"

"That's impossible, Deedlit's an elf." The mumbled words escaped  
Tannim's lips before he realized he was speaking them, restraint  
having been tied to higher brain functions that were currently  
offline. He mentally kicked himself for the slip.

"You damaged or something?" Deedlit peered closely at the man, giving  
his muscled form a more thorough appraisal. Subconsciously she licked  
her lips. "You look totally fine, though you wouldn't know 'cuz of  
those rags." Deedlit giggled, wrinkling her nose cutely at her own  
joke; Tannim found the action endearing for no reason that he could  
immediately fathom.

"Huh?" Tannim replied intelligently. A look down revealed his shirt  
so badly shredded it had fallen off his shoulders, and his pants  
weren't fairing much better. Dogs wouldn't have chewed on the ragged  
remains of his clothing. "Whoa, when did that--" he halted in  
mid-thought and answered himself. "Right, the bakusai tenketsu  
training." A glance towards the shattered remains of the waterwheel  
caused Tannim to wince, as it was certain that his and Skuld's machine  
hadn't helped matters in that regard.

Deedlit eyes lit up with unabashed curiosity. "Training? You're a  
martial artist?" She waved a hand dismissively. "Like, of course you  
are, with those muscles. Pshaw. So like, what kind of training?"

"Uh, endurance training. Toughen my body to sleep in the worst  
possible conditions." It wasn't exactly a lie, and it was certainly  
easier than trying to explain the truth. He'd be nervously tugging at  
his collar if Tannim still had one.

It was only after Tannim took a few moments to get a better look  
around did he realize just how devastating the night before had been.  
Right off hand he noticed that it wasn't just the waterwheel that was  
lost downstream... Tannim counted no less than five trees in the  
immediate area that had also been washed away from the side of the  
banks as well. Of the machine that had tormented him there was no  
sign, and upon further inspection what he had previously thought of as  
goose dander was revealed to be the shattered remains of his training  
rock.

On the one hand, the pile of gravel meant that last night had  
technically been a success: he had succeeded in performing the  
breaking point technique. On the other hand, he couldn't remember  
actually learning the technique, which probably meant he was headed  
towards buying another damn stone for more training.

It was Tannim's silent hope that he'd suddenly remember the technique  
in a moment of crisis, and use it to save himself from certain doom.  
The risk of death felt far safer than more training.

"I'm fine," Tannim waved off the concerned looks Deedlit was throwing  
his way and stood up suddenly. That he wobbled for a moment before he  
was able to catch himself hadn't reassured her in the slightest.  
"I've got to get back to my apartment, some guests from out of town  
are staying with me," he explained. Squinting at the sun did not  
yield any useful information. "What time is it, anyways?"

"It's like, almost ten in the morning," Deedlit replied. "You sure  
you're okay? I can totally help you walk home if you need it."

Tannim looked down at her and for the first time realized how short  
Deedlit actually was. The top of her head barely came up to his chin,  
and she was skinny as hell. He grinned wryly. "I'm afraid I'd break  
you."

The blonde frowned, obviously not used to that kind of attitude. "I'm  
a sturdy girl," she protested. "I'm a martial artist too, y'know?"

"Whatever," Tannim shook his head slightly to clear it. "I can manage  
just fine. I've had worse." What could he say, he believed in  
machoism at its finest. "I've really got to get going."

When Tannim turned his back to Deedlit to leave, she started giggling.  
Deedlit pointed and asked, "Is that a book sticking out of your butt?"

Tannim halted and reached behind to check. Now he recalled he had  
placed Rukia underneath his waistband rather than trust his pockets to  
keep her held. It was something of a miracle the book hadn't been  
washed away in the storm.

"Teenagers," Tannim grumbled stiffly. The walk home wasn't going to  
be a pleasant one, as each movement elicited a protest from his sore  
muscles. It was all he could do to keep upright and moving in a  
straight line, really.

Rather than give Deedlit the satisfaction of a response Tannim forced  
his tired body homeward, and the blonde girl let him leave without  
further comment. Later, after he thought about it for a while, Tannim  
admitted to himself that the teen would have been a dead ringer for  
Deedlit from Record of the Lodoss War, if only she had green eyes and  
longer ears.

Despite the warm morning air Tannim shivered. Just when he thought  
his sense of doom meter was completely pegged, it discovered a few  
more notches to go up.

---

The screen door to the kitchen slammed shut, signaling to the room's  
sole occupant that her daughter had arrived home. Umi Anderson was  
dressed in a brown pleated skirt, with a tan t-shirt and a frilly pink  
apron. Her long, luxurious blue hair nearly stretched all the way to  
the floor, but was restrained in a conservative fashion with a simple  
ponytail.

Umi glanced up from the pan she was frying several eggs in as her  
daughter sat down without as much as a 'how do you do.' "How was your  
morning jog, dear?" she asked, managing to keep the irritation out of  
her voice.

"Oh, I met a boy," Deedlit replied, obviously distracted. It didn't  
occur to her to mention the condition of the waterwheel; it was  
assumed one of the residents near the area would report it. Her mind  
was on more important matters.

"Did you now?" Umi raised a speculative eyebrow. "Was he nice?"

"He totally reminded me of dad with the 'I'm too tough to be injured'  
attitude, but I guess he was kinda cute. The weird part is I have a  
strange feeling that we've met somewhere before..." Deedlit grabbed a  
piece of bacon off the communal plate, and nibbled on one end  
delicately.

Interrupting her musing, Deedlit's cell phone rang from her left  
pocket. She pulled out a pink number decorated with a single keychain  
from which a tiny plush knight in gold armor hung. With practiced  
ease the blonde flicked it open with a sharp twist of her wrist.

"Hello?"

"We need you."

Deedlit sighed and glanced over at her mother. Cupping a hand to the  
receiver, she lowered her voice. "You know I don't do that any more,  
Makoto. I resigned."

Deedlit Anderson easily ranked the most skilled and powerful fighter  
Bonnie had ever recruited, and was trained from a young age by both  
her mother and her father. Ryuuzaki Umi, as she had been known in  
Japan, was a world-renown fencing champion. Drake Anderson was simply  
a supremely qualified soldier formerly of an army her father refused  
to specify. The combination of sword exercises and combat drills  
mixed liberally with sword drills and combat exercises left their mark  
on her abilities, and she was an expert in anything that required  
physical coordination.

However, despite both parents insisting on good grades, neither  
pressed her too hard about her C's and D's in certain subjects as long  
as she faithfully participated in their individual training sessions.  
Suffice to say, Deedlit preferred spending time with her parents over  
homework any day.

Three weeks ago was the last time Deedlit had acted in "official"  
capacity for Bonnie and Her Armies, and they definitely felt the loss.

Three weeks ago, Deedlit had finally met Gunter. Their relationship  
was a rocky one from the start.

It wasn't just that was Gunter notorious for terrorizing any mallrat  
that wandered near his store. He had also refused to sell Deedlit the  
latest in unicorn figurines simply because she was associated with  
Bonnie as her primary enforcer. Apparently he had issues with the way  
Bonnie effectively took over the mall; horning in on his territory, as  
he called it.

To add injury to this insult, when Deedlit tried to have a reasonable  
discussion with the crazy old German, he set off a low explosive-yield  
landmine that sent a large amount of splinters directly into her legs.  
It was only recently that she had been able to remove the last of  
them.

And then, when her parents had found out what she had been up to with  
her "friends," well... let's just say the splinters were less painful  
than the several tag-team lectures that followed.

Makoto hesitated, recalling the incident, but orders were orders, and  
her Queen had been very specific: get Deedlit back.

"It's a personal matter," she continued slowly. "We're only after one  
man. I had him as a customer at the restaurant. He, well, he made  
some passes at me, even when I told him to stop. And there was a  
young girl with him. I think... um... that he's a pedophile. And  
he's due to work at the mall any minute at MegaGamers." The last part  
came out in a rush.

Deedlit's eyes narrowed and her breathing quickened; the only outward  
signs of an inner rage that had just been ignited. "All right," she  
replied calmly. "Mom will just have to understand. I'll be there."  
The cell phone closed with an audible snap and was quickly shoved into  
her jean pocket.

"Where do you think you're going?" Umi hadn't missed the chance to  
eavesdrop on her daughter. It was her job slash right to listen in on  
a conversation in her own household, wasn't it? Besides, if no one  
took steps to look after this family, there's no telling the kind of  
trouble they'd get into. "You're still grounded from three weeks ago,  
missy," she reminded primly.

"Sorry moms, I gots to go. Duty calls." Deedlit stood at attention  
and stared out the window, away from her mother. While she was  
determined to leave, experience taught her that letting her parental  
units vent on her before she broke the rules was much easier in the  
long run.

Rather than the outburst Deedlit expected, Umi kissed the top of her  
daughter's forehead. The blue-haired mother lovingly caressed  
Deedlit's cheek, and Umi's eyes shimmered with tears barely held in  
check. "I understand. You've got to protect your friends. It's a  
part of growing up I'll just have to get used to." Reluctantly she  
let go of Deedlit's face and sighed. "Please be safe dear."

Deedlit brightened considerably. "Thanks mom! I will!"

"Wait, dear, before you go..." Umi bit her lip in a moment of  
contemplation, before slowly nodding her head, finally coming to terms  
with something she's been wrestling with for quite some time. "I also  
want you to take the family sword with you," she decided.

"Gee, thanks moms," Deedlit replied, awed at the gesture of trust and  
respect. "That means a lot to me." The family sword was an heirloom  
her mother supposedly brought back from another world called Rayearth,  
where she had been some sort of 'Magic Knight.' Wherever it came  
from, it was the lightest and most balanced weapon Deedlit ever had  
the privilege to wield, and that had only been three times previously.  
"I love you," she hugged her mother, tears in eyes.

"I love you too darling," Umi replied, gripping her daughter fiercely  
a few moments longer than necessary. "Try not to worry your mother."

"Don't worry mom. Just this one scumbag, that's it. I'll be home  
before lunch."

---

Morning came early during the summer, and slightly earlier to those  
whose windows were on the second floor of a building. Even with the  
sun shining through windows devoid of curtains, Urd and her younger  
sister Skuld continued to sleep soundly. Both still had on the  
heavenly clothing they had been wearing the day before, and despite  
the earlier wear and tear neither set of clothes appeared dirty or  
wrinkled.

"AAH-CHOO!"

The paper-thin walls did nothing to stop the sneeze from reverberating  
throughout the apartment and into the bedroom. Urd startled awake at  
the loud noise, but it took her a few moments to recall where she was,  
and why. The goddess jerked forward as her eyes darted back and  
forth, taking in the details of the room around her and noting that  
the large pink pillows and satin sheets that normally adorned her room  
at home were absent, replaced by cheap looking leopard-print knockoffs  
for both the sheets and pillowcases.

Ah, she had to be on Earth, Urd's sleepy mind reasoned. No one in  
heaven had this poor of taste.

Then she remembered Tannim.

Involuntarily, Urd jerked at the memory of having her deepest fear so  
cavalierly treated, as well as her greatest question answered, all in  
one sentence. How could he have known about her angel, not to mention  
its name? Was he reading her mail or something? Even she didn't know  
that!

And darn him, why did the fool have to be so smug about it?

Skuld managed to stay asleep despite the sudden jolt. Rather than  
disturb her sister, Urd escaped as quietly as she could from bed and  
headed towards the rest of the apartment. She took special care to  
open the door slowly, and then close it shut, so she wouldn't wake  
Skuld. Once her task was complete she turned around and froze.

The platinum-haired goddess stared in silent disbelief at the pile of  
food in front of Tannim. For all intents and purposes it appeared he  
had decided to devour the kitchen. There was a pile of instant ramen  
next to him that reached from the floor to the top of the table,  
stacked in the pyramid formation. What few vegetables Tannim had  
bought were strewn about on the table, along with everything else that  
had been in the refrigerator. Currently he was alternating bites of  
raw ramen packets with fresh baby carrots.

"What are you doing?" Urd asked politely.

"Starving," replied Tannim between bites.

Urd let the matter drop and wisely decided to switch topics. It took  
only a moment to settle herself down in the chair across from the  
mortal. "So I see you survived the training and escaped the  
contraption. How did the training go?"

Tannim paused between tossing aside an empty bag of ramen and opening  
a new one. "I'm alive and eating food at a rate that would put a  
Saotome to shame," he grinned weakly. "I have to hope that's good."

"I like the new look," Urd commented and openly stared at Tannim's  
mostly-naked form.

"Oh yeah," he said and looked down. "I suppose I should change outta  
these rags..."

"Don't hurry on my account," Urd replied lazily, propping her chin  
with one hand while her other toyed with a strand of platinum-white  
hair. "The view is nice."

Tannim stared at Urd as if she had grown a second head. It was weird  
enough that he was sitting down at the dinner table and having a  
conversation with Urd, THE Urd, albeit an Urd several years removed  
from the timeline he was familiar with. Now she was hitting on him?

"How about you?" he finally asked. "Are you okay?"

"I'm just... perfect." During Urd's reply, she leaned forward just  
far enough to rest her elbows on the dining table, incidentally  
granting Tannim a spectacular view of her cleavage. Just like most of  
Urd's outfits the purple suit with black and tan trim had a very low  
neckline, and more importantly, the goddess did not believe in wearing  
a bra.

Tannim coughed hard on a piece of ramen that suddenly found itself  
lodged in his throat. The surprise at being assaulted by Urd's...  
charms ...caught him off-guard, and he grabbed a glass of water to  
wash it down. Urd's self-satisfied smirk was of the cat that had just  
eaten the canary; she practically purred with delight at the reaction.

Tannim carefully considered his next move. An idea occurred to him,  
and he gave Urd a concerned look. "You know, your sister has a  
jealous streak a mile wide. You should probably stop that."

"Really?" Urd's eyes widened, but she got the hint and sat back.  
"Even I didn't know that."

"Oh yeah," Tannim nodded. "Personally I believe it was because she  
loved Keiichi so mu--"

By the time Tannim realized the slip the only thing he could do was  
forcefully interrupt his speech by biting down on the last bit of  
celery. He silently berated himself for being stupid again. There  
really was no reason for him to be spouting fanboy information like  
that. Maybe his subconscious self was paying him back for getting  
Rukia mad last night.

Urd perked with curiosity. "What was that?"

"Nothing?" Tannim tried without any real hope of success.

"That wasn't nothing." The goddess's eyes narrowed. "Who's Keiichi?"

The phone rang, and the man leapt up as if struck.

Urd wouldn't be distracted, however. "Who's Keiichi, Tannim?"

"Uuhh, I've got to answer that," he replied vaguely. It took  
willpower not to wilt under Urd's glare as he moved over to the  
receiver and picked up the phone. "Hello?"

An unexpected voice erupted loudly in his ear. "Tannim, m'boy!  
How're ya doin'?"

Tannim had to pause for a moment to let the ringing subside. "Gunter?  
Izzat you? How'd you get this number anyhow?" he asked, incidentally  
turning away from Urd and her Glare of Death.

"The phonebook," Gunter replied without missing a beat. "But that's  
not important. Tannim, you've been a good employee... and you aren't  
dead yet. I feel it's time to increase your responsibility.  
Slightly. For a short while."

Tannim had stopped wondering how he was in the phone book at the words  
'good employee.' Gunter was beating around the bush, would he come  
out and say what he called to say?

Apparently, for Gunter's next sentence came out in a burst. "Tomorrow  
you work alone."

"Me?"

"You can handle the store for a day."

Tannim really wasn't looking forward to testing the limits his bakasai  
tenketsu training had endowed him with...

"But what about those crazy Amazons?" he pleaded. "So far I've  
managed to avoid them mostly by luck, but that won't last forever.  
I'm afraid at this point if I show myself they'll skin me alive."

"Aw, c'mon," Gunter coaxed, "you really going to let yourself be  
pushed around by a bunch of girls?"

"Yes," Tannim replied without hesitation.

Gunter remained silent for a long moment. "Oh."

It was with that pause from Gunter that Tannim realized what had been  
bothering him throughout the phone call. "Wait a second. Is that...  
is that surf gently crashing against pristine beachhead in the  
background I hear?"

This time the silence stretched a bit further. In the background a  
set of bongo drums began a lively Caribbean tune. "Maybe a little,"  
the former terrorist finally admitted.

Tannim's right eye twitched slightly, but his voice remained deadpan.  
"Fine. All right. Whatever. I'll work one more day, but that's it,  
all right? I've had a sort of family emergency come up that I've  
really got to take care of."

"Thanks! You're an all right kid!" Gunter hung up before Tannim  
could respond.

Tannim scratched the back of his head in irritation. "I just know I'm  
gunna regret this."

Urd refused to be ignored. As soon as Tannim hung up the phone she  
stood up to her full height, planted her fists on her hips, and leaned  
forward to glare at the mortal. "You're dodging the question, and I  
want answers. How do you know what you know? And who's Keiichi,  
Tannim?"

Skuld opened the door from the bedroom. "Why is everyone so noisy  
this morning?" she complained, wiping the sleep from her eyes.

"Skuld! Just the girl I wanted to see!" Tannim exclaimed, and  
motioned the young goddess towards him. He ignored Urd for now as a  
problem he'd need to deal with later. "I've got a special assignment  
for you. I actually need you to build some gadgets."

This announcement snapped Skuld from her stupor. "Wha, really? You  
mean it?" She almost dared not hope.

Tannim nodded. "Mmm-hmm. I want you to go hog wild on anything in  
the apartment, making anything your heart desires. The only item  
off-limits is my laptop."

"Why this sudden change of heart?" Urd asked suspiciously.

Tannim snapped his fingers in remembrance. "Oh yeah, I almost forgot  
about the assignment. Make sure you devise at least one weapon for  
personal defense."

Skuld smirked. "Just one?"

Tannim nodded. "Remember, though, it also has to look innocent enough  
not to be detected by normal means," he replied. "I really don't want  
to get arrested for letting a minor carry a dangerous weapon if we're  
stopped by the police."

"Sure! No sweat!" Skuld gave Tannim the 'V for victory' pose,  
grinning like a maniac.

Tannim paused to reflect. "At least I don't really care anymore if  
the apartment explodes," he muttered to himself fatalistically. More  
loudly he continued, "Anyway, Urd, I'm outta here."

Urd marched over to the front door and stood resolute in front of the  
it, arms stretching across the doorway to block Tannim's path. She  
didn't budge an inch as he strode up to her, even when his nose was  
nearly touching hers. "For the last time," she asked. "Who. Is.  
Keiichi?"

Instead of answering Tannim gently took firm hold on her hips, lifted  
her to the side just enough so she was out of his way, and stepped out  
the door. "I don't have time for this Urd. We'll talk after work."  
He slammed the door shut nearly on her face. Urd stood silently for a  
long moment, contemplating.

Skuld looked nervously at her sister, and took a step away from her as  
she caught sight of the look on Urd's face.

"He didn't just run away before answering my question, did he?" Urd  
asked the door.

"Methinks he thinks he can escape from you, dear sister," Skuld  
replied in place of the wood paneling. There was a hint of admiration  
in her voice for the sheer audacity of the mortal to walk out on her  
big sis like that. She took another step back, just in case.

Urd shook her head slowly. "Oh, he's going to answer my question one  
way or another." Eventually, her eyes came to rest on Tannim's laptop  
computer. "Oh yes, he will answer them."

"Jeez," Skuld pouted in the sudden silence. "Why do you always have  
to be such a drama queen, Urd?"

Urd glanced sidelong at her younger sister. "Forgot already, did you?  
Why don't you go along and play with the rest of Tannim's toys?" She  
made a shooing motion towards the direction of the television. "Go  
on, knock yourself out."

Skuld's eyes lit up like twin fusion reactors coming online, and she  
clapped her hands together with glee. "Oh yeah! I've got so many  
ideas I've wanted to try out!"

As her younger sister leapt at the television with abandon, Urd turned  
her attention to Tannim's laptop. "You will divulge your secrets to  
me," she whispered to the device. "And soon, Tannim, I will know you  
better than you know yourself... and then... then I will crush you!"

Skuld ignored her older sister as the elder goddess cackled madly.  
The young inventor already had the framework of the television  
dismantled and was in the process of burrowing through the  
electronics. She did, however, pause long enough to roll her eyes.

Both sisters did their level best to ignore each other in favor of  
focusing on their respective activities. More importantly, they  
forgot about their current situation, exactly what Tannim had been  
hoping for. This time for once, things went the way Tannim had  
planned them.

The rest of his day was another story entirely.

---

TBC...

Author's Notes: First off, an extra-special thanks to Rick Spiff, for  
giving me scene ideas, and even writing part of the conversation with  
Gunter. He always gives great, in-depth and accurate corrections of  
my mistakes, as well as funny and insightful story comments. Thanks!

I wish I had written faster, but was busy with college over the summer  
and fall. Hopefully the contents of this chapter make up for the time  
anyone spent waiting. I really wanted to get to the mallrat mayhem,  
but plot kept getting in the way. The next chapter or two should see  
an end to Tannim's Excellent Mallrat Adventures, and onto the next  
story arc.

Thanks for reading!


	8. Chapter 8

Otaku Muyo

(Okay, this has been far too long in the making...)

by Tannim Murphy

Disclaimer: I'm so sorry for having two straight chapters of filler.  
I promise to try to never do that again. I have discovered through  
trial and error that I suck at predicting what I'll write next, or how  
long it'll take, so I also apologize for that. Ah! My Goddess is  
property of Kosuke Fujishima. Kim Possible belongs to Disney. Record  
of the Lodoss War is owned by Ryo Mizuno, while Naoko Takeuchi retains  
all rights to Sailor Moon, and Tenchi Muyo! was created by Kajishima  
Masaki. I am borrowing the characters without permission and at no  
profit to myself. Please do not beat me within an inch of my life for  
taking so long. Tannim, Gunter, and any character that resembles  
originality are my intellectual property to do with as I please. You  
can't have them Nabiki! They're mine! Mine I say!

--

Chapter 8

--

Azabu Juuban, Japan

The night, at least, wasn't stormy. As was typical of night it wasn't  
exactly bright, with the darkness held mostly at bay by ambient  
streetlights that were too few in number to illuminate the entirety of  
the sidewalk, but did an admirable job showing the general vicinity.  
Juuban's deserted streets with its rare passer-by allowed Setsuna  
relative privacy to contemplate the events that had transpired earlier  
that day.

The green-haired beauty stared hard at the small object clutched  
loosely in the palm of her hand. It was roughly three to four inches  
in diameter, gold in appearance with four stones of various colors  
along the perimeter, with a giant pink stone just above the middle and  
a crescent moon set below along the bottom. The trinket wasn't very  
impressive to her critical eye, and much more garish in appearance  
than any magical object had a right to be.

At least, Setsuna assumed the brooch was magical, as it had been given  
to her by an honest-to-goodness talking cat, not to mention she'd been  
attacked by a monster that had no business existing in reality. Any  
Japanese schoolgirl worth her salt knew that set of circumstances was  
something straight out of a magical girl TV show, even if she'd never  
personally watched the stuff.

But this wasn't television, was it? This was a real flesh and blood  
war, as demonstrated by the cute animal mascot dying mere seconds  
after its introduction. No long, drawn out quests to save  
'what-have-you,' from 'who-knows-what.' No Skysaber jumping in for  
the rescue. No Grey popping up for a last-minute save. Simple,  
brutal destruction from an enemy that literally killed any chance of  
finding out some answers to whatever she'd suddenly been dragged into.

It had been one of the most heartbreaking moments of her life when she  
had to bury the poor cat. She couldn't even remember the creature's  
name, given in the heat of the moment when she'd been fleeing for her  
life. In the end she had to settle for a tiny, upright stick to mark  
the gravesite.

What she did remember with vivid clarity were the cat's final words to  
her.

"Sailor Moon?" Setsuna pronounced the name carefully. She was  
sufficiently advanced in her English studies to understand what the  
words meant, and put together they didn't make much sense. "What kind  
of name is that? But more importantly, who is this princess I'm  
supposed to protect?"

Needlessly extrapolating on past events did nothing to settle  
Setsuna's frazzled nerves. In spite of her extraordinary leadership  
abilities garnered from years of dealing with her high school peers,  
and a reputation for staying cool when the going got tough, this was  
far beyond her abilities to immediately cope with. What she required  
right now was moral support from a family figure she knew she could  
trust.

Finding the nearest payphone wasn't difficult. It was also  
unoccupied, unsurprising given the lateness of the hour and the  
generally deserted nature of the area she was currently in. Setsuna  
had some spare change left over from lunch that day and used that to  
dial the number for her home address.

To her growing dismay, however, the phone rang without anyone on the  
other side answering. She let this continue, until the answering  
machine eventually picked up the call. Rather than leave a message  
she slammed the phone back in its cradle and glared at the offending  
device.

'He promised!' she thought furiously. 'He promised he'd be home early  
tonight!'

For several seconds Setsuna allowed her mind vent to her frustrations  
by thinking terrible thoughts about her father. Every single angry  
notion she ever had over the years all boiled to the surface in a fit  
of pique, with each instance of neglect and hurt felt at a visceral  
level rather than re-experienced mentally. It wasn't a pleasant  
sensation, and it tied her stomach up in knots the more she held onto  
it.

Brief though the lapse of control was, Setsuna clamped down hard on  
her feelings and forced her mind to calm down so that she could think  
rationally again. Breathing in deeply, then expelling the air, helped  
immensely.

When she really thought about it Setsuna knew that it usually wasn't  
her father's fault that he was so busy. Being the Minister of Land  
was difficult for all involved, friends and family alike. Setsuna was  
willing to allow her father some slack given his difficult position  
and the time required of him to keep the country itself from  
collapsing; especially given the frank conversations he's had with her  
regarding just how close that collapse might be. She was glad someone  
as strong and (usually) dependable was helping keep the nation of  
Japan together.

If only it didn't cut into family time so much. Was that too much to  
ask? As her mother had died while she was still very young, most of  
her childhood was spent waiting for her father to return home from  
work. It was for this reason that they both had agreed to set aside  
times like today to spend together to bond as a family unit.  
Obviously it wasn't working as planned.

"What could I have talked to my dad about anyway?" Setsuna reasoned  
with herself. "'Hi, I met a talking cat today who told me I was  
Sailor Moon, and by the way when are we ever going to make up the time  
we've spent apart?' Humph. I sound like a wimpy little schoolgirl."

Setsuna never noticed when the pendant started to glow. She did,  
however, notice the burst of energy that surrounded her in a  
kaleidoscope of colors and sound. It was kind of hard to miss, given  
that not only was the entire world blocked from her view, but also  
that her own body was seemingly stripped of its clothing and bathed in  
the same type of coloration. She had just enough time to blink in  
surprise before various garments sprang into existence out of  
nothingness over her otherwise naked body. No doubt Setsuna would  
have screamed with surprise if she could have, but the various poses  
her body took during this process were rather disorienting.

Once everything ground to a halt and the world resumed its normal  
colors, the first thought that entered Setsuna's mind was, 'Okay, just  
WHO designed this outfit?'

The second thought that crossed her mind came quickly on the heels of  
the first. 'My, that's an itty bitty mini-skirt.'

The third thought leapt on her unsuspecting consciousness and hit her  
with the mental equivalent of a freight train, and she nearly stumbled  
to the ground in shock. 'Ohmygod. I really AM a magical girl!'

In testimony to this she felt stronger, more vibrant and alive than  
she ever had in her entire life. Just by flexing her fingers into a  
fist it felt like she had the power to punch through concrete... not  
that she'd be trying that particular trick anytime soon.

Though she did wonder how high she could jump.

"Okay. I'll try for the roof of that building over there. It's only  
one story," she reasoned. "That should be a piece of cake for your  
average magical high school girl." Setsuna paused. "I can't believe  
those words came out of my mouth. I also can't believe I'm actually  
going to try this."

Setsuna gathered her courage and leapt. Much to her surprise, she  
succeeded beyond all her expectations. She also winced.

Setsuna impacted moments later on the side of the three-story building  
behind the one story building. Before she could fall she reached up  
and grabbed the lip of the roof, before pulling herself up and over  
the side, and sat on the gravel there for several moments catching her  
breath.

"That was so... so..." the green-haired teen struggled to find the  
right word, "...cooooool." A shiver of excitement ran the course down  
her spine.

Setsuna stood with a grin on her face that could frighten small  
children. "Let's try that again."

--

Kasumigaseki, Japan

"Setsuna? What are you doing here at work?" Setsuna's father glanced  
at the clock and blinked in astonishment. "Is it past two in the  
morning already?"

Unbidden, a memory flashed through her mind of missing a jump  
spectacularly and landing, screaming the whole way down, in an  
open-top dumpster. With an inward wince, she decided to ignore her  
father and abruptly changed the subject. "You said you were going to  
be home tonight," she pointed out without a hint of malice in her  
voice.

Her father visibly winced anyway. "You know how it is with paperwork  
in the government these days. There's too much to do and too few  
people to do it. If I don't--" he halted in mid-sentence, and shook  
his head wryly. "Well, that's an old excuse we've discussed already,"  
he waved the topic off as he gave his undivided attention to his  
daughter. "I am truly sorry I didn't come home today like I promised.  
What can I do for you now?"

The green-haired girl contemplated for a moment over that statement.  
Given her father's obvious feelings of guilt over the day's events,  
she believed he really would do anything she asked. Too bad for the  
moment she wasn't shooting for something higher, like her own, private  
island.

"You remember that offer to go to school overseas?" she asked.

Setsuna's father hesitated. He was too experienced a politician not  
to notice the slight hitch in his daughter's voice. Obviously  
something was bothering her. It was understood, however, that if she  
wanted to talk about it she would, so he didn't press her, instead  
deciding to simply answer the question.

"You mean the offer you were too stubborn to accept because you said  
it was, and I quote, 'running away like a scared little schoolgirl?'"  
Her father smiled faintly. "Yes, I remember."

Setsuna recalled her mindset when she made that declaration. Despite  
China's recent hostile maneuverings, and many rumors of an alien  
invasion from within, she had wanted to stay strong and finish at  
least a college level education in the country of her birth rather  
than flee abroad as many families had already done. How was she  
supposed to know the alien rumors were true?

"I have considered my options and decided it to be the best course of  
action for me at this time," she replied seriously.

"Oh? What prompted this?" he asked with genuine surprise.

Telling her already over-protective father what really transpired  
would simply get her put in lockdown until she was thirty-five.  
Setsuna opted for the tried and true method of lying by omission. "I  
want to broaden my horizons?" she hazarded.

Her father thought carefully for a few moments, before standing up and  
walking to one of the many filing cabinets in his office. From within  
he pulled out a large folder marked 'Betrothal Proposals,' and began  
leafing through it.

Setsuna rolled her eyes. "Father, now's not the time for THAT old  
argument..."

Pulling out the file he had been looking for, Setsuna's dad smirked.  
"While I have realized after a time it is difficult to get you to do  
anything you do not wish to..." he gave his daughter a look of pained  
longsuffering, and sighed dramatically for just the right amount of  
emphasis, "...I would like to point out that I have a very good friend  
who runs a chain of hotels, and who also would not turn down a favor  
if I asked him to let you stay in one, free of charge, for the  
duration of your stay in the United States. All he has ever asked of  
me is that you meet with his son." He raised both hands to forestall  
the rebuttal poised on Setsuna's lips. "This is not a marriage  
meeting, nor even a date; simply two youngsters of two old friends  
meeting at last. Does that sound satisfactory to you?"

Setsuna pondered for a bit, before nodding. "I accept." Her face  
changed from serious to studied indifference in a heartbeat. "So  
who's this boy you're trying to foist off on me?" she asked airily,  
waving her hand as if dismissing a small matter. "I suppose meeting  
him wouldn't kill me."

Her father smiled indulgently. At least Setsuna was in a good mood  
about the whole affair. "His name is Tannim. Tannim Murphy. And I  
have been assured by his father that he is a lazy, good-for-nothing  
slacker, with entirely too much free time on his hands," he stated  
with a perfectly straight face. "Hopefully he'll meet with your  
approval."

Uncharacteristically, Setsuna snickered. "Sounds just like my type."

--

Crossroads, California

Tannim sneezed, shivered, and pulled the tattered remains of his shirt  
closer to his body while cranking up the heater for his car.

"I've got to get myself some real clothes," he muttered.

It felt pretty silly wearing what amounted to a bunch of rags, but it  
wasn't like Tannim could do much about it. Rather than change from  
out of his Breaking Point training clothes, he'd already stormed out  
of the apartment and started driving away before he'd noticed the  
mistake.

That was just the beginning of what already promised to be an abysmal  
day.

Not only was he dreading slightly at what Skuld would do to his  
apartment (not that he should care anyway as he was planning on  
abandoning the place), Tannim outright feared whatever Urd might be  
cooking up. There was simply no telling what she'd do to him the next  
time she saw him. An "Urd Bolt, Strike!" would probably be the least  
of his worries; the way events were progressing, he'd be on the  
receiving end of Armageddon. Ragnarok. Whatever.

As Tannim pulled into the mall parking lot, the sensation of impending  
doom that had started this morning suddenly spiked, before settling  
into a dull throb at the back of his skull. It didn't seem that that  
particular headache wasn't going to go away anytime soon.

Tannim belatedly realized this was the point in the series where he'd  
be screaming at the poor fool on the television screen to just pack up  
their bags and head out to Fiji. Damn, he really missed being able to  
hit the pause button and walk away.

'Oh well,' Tannim thought with a brief surge of optimism. 'Maybe  
things won't be as bad as I think they're going to be?'

He paused to let reality sink in.

"No, it'll be worse," he finally admitted to himself. "Much worse."

As usual, finding a parking space on the backside of the mall didn't  
prove to be a difficult task. The thing that bothered Tannim most was  
the lack of cars in the rest of the parking lot. What cars were  
visible were covered with cutesy bumper stickers and fashionable  
license plates, signaling to the erstwhile dimensional traveler that  
the mall itself was packed mostly with Amazons.

Tannim groaned.

He supposed he should have been expecting this, but what exactly was  
he supposed to do about a mall full of crazy women? Those Amazons  
were going kill him, or at the very least, give him a serious makeover  
the likes of which he'd never forget. Either way it wasn't going to  
be pretty (or it was... he really wasn't sure which would be worse at  
this point).

"Maybe I should try talking to them?" he snorted derisively. "Yeah  
right, like that'll work... when has that ever worked? Like, never?"

Talking to himself was a habit Tannim had not had the grace to shed  
over the years. Though it was nice to have a voice of reason on his  
side, he wished sometimes that it could've been someone else.

Getting out of the car and not really noticing anyone in his general  
vicinity, the brown-haired man headed towards his stash of emergency  
supplies in the trunk briskly. "At least I always remember to have a  
jacket... handy..." Tannim trailed off as he pulled out a long, black  
trench coat from where he stored his emergency clothing. It was  
exactly like the one Keanu Reeves had worn in the first Matrix movie,  
and while very cool, this was nothing like the winter clothing he had  
placed there in his previous life.

"It'll do," he shrugged and slipped the coat on. Fastened closed it  
disguised his state of undress rather well. Now at least he didn't  
look like a hobo.

--

Two girls around the age of sixteen stood side by side, one with  
bright blonde hair framing a tan complexion, the other with green  
tresses held in check by a neon pink headband. Both wore your typical  
teenie-bopper clothing; much too bright and with skirts far too short  
to be called decent.

The blonde was animatedly talking to her friend. "...and I also heard  
he's seven feet tall, with glowing red eyes!" she exclaimed. "And he  
shoots fireballs out of them!"

"Yeah right, Mihoshi. You always were an airhead..."

"Aw, Kiyone, that's mean! Even if it is true!"

"...but this takes the cake. I mean, c'mon, we got a detailed  
description from Lieutenant General Makoto! We already know ex-ACT-ly  
what he looks like."

"Brown hair, green eyes..."

Kiyone nodded with satisfaction. "Exactly."

"...and such a hunk!"

"What? Who are you--?" Kiyone glanced in the direction her partner  
was drooling. "That's him!" she shouted, grabbing Mihoshi by the  
collar and shaking the blonde for all she was worth. "Call Makoto!  
Alert the armies!"

"But why!" Mihoshi cried plaintively while clutching on her friend's  
arm for support. Eyes filled to the brim with unshed tears she gave  
her best kicked puppy dog look. "Can't I ask him out to lunch first?"

"Hurry up!" Kiyone shouted impatiently. "He's about to run straight  
into Romeo Company, and they don't even realize it!" There really  
wasn't time for Mihoshi's shenanigans. The only thing that had kept  
Kiyone from snapping and killing the blonde outright years ago is that  
she knew Mihoshi wasn't stupid on purpose. It just came naturally.

"This whole area was designated as low priority," she continued at a  
more even pace, "so it wouldn't surprise me if they were slacking  
off..." her attention was drawn towards a love-struck Mihoshi, and she  
sighed dejectedly, "...just like us."

Wait, why did Mihoshi have the only cell phone anyway?

"Gimme that!" Kiyone snatched the phone from her partner while  
Mihoshi was distracted. It wasn't difficult. "I'm surprised I didn't  
think of this sooner!" she cheerfully nodded, though it took a few  
moments to recall the correct number before dialing it in. "This is  
Echo Team Seven, Base, do you read, over? Yes, he's walking right  
through the southern entrance right now! Over!"

Kiyone jerked the phone away from her ear until the noise died down.  
"I'm sorry we didn't call sooner, we just spotted him!" she nervously  
lied. Several commands were issued as Kiyone listened intently, some  
of which to she nodded, forgetting for the moment that the person on  
the other end couldn't see her. "Right. Yes. We're on our way to  
intercept. Echo Team Seven out."

"Okay, Mihoshi." Kiyone snapped the cell phone shut with an audible  
click. "Let's go catch us a man."

"Yay!"

--

"Joey, Jeffy, Jamie! Attention!"

Three boys responded in unison. "Yes, my Mistress?"

"I'm starting to feel a bit warm, flap your arms harder!"

"Yes, Lady Quinn!" they continued in perfect, three-part harmony.  
"Your wish is my command!"

Quinn grinned, and with a contented sigh slipped deeper into the  
lounge chair she had been given as a gift from one of her many  
'admirers.' It was currently connected to two long poles so she could  
be carried on the backs of her free labor. It was nice to have a  
legion of boys who never said 'no' to anything she asked, and as long  
as she remembered to keep them trained and well fed, they served her  
well.

Much to Quinn's annoyance, her cell phone rang, interrupting her  
reverie. She glared at the offending device ringing from its position  
on the silver platter held by another one of her boys, and  
contemplated ignoring the call. It wasn't something she thought on  
for long, as the armies were on a heightened state of alert and it was  
probably important...

At that moment, a man happened to stroll right on by, not paying the  
debutante any mind whatsoever. From what Quinn could see, he was  
tall, well built, with long wavy golden tresses and green eyes  
hardened into the expression of a man on a mission.

"Oooo, I like." Quinn weighed her options carefully: to answer the  
phone, or chase down the latest beefcake? "Justin, be a dear, and  
answer that for me, will you? I think I'll follow that hunk and get  
him to notice me."

"But mistress, hasn't our Queen given us express orders to stay here  
and watch for this 'Tannim' fellow, on pain of defenestration?" It  
was Justin's job, by order of the queen, to speak up when this sort of  
situation arose. He was the only one of Quinn's sycophants with  
enough brainpower to do so. It was also why he was holding the tray  
with the phone.

As was typical, Quinn ignored him. She strode seductively towards the  
man in the trench coat, incidentally blocking his path and causing him  
to halt.

"Hey there, handsome. Don't you think I'm the most beautiful thing  
you've ever seen?" After Quinn became Duchess of her own fiefdom she  
stopped being subtle.

It wasn't every day Tannim was propositioned like that, so he was  
forced to look at the girl who had made such a bold statement. He  
eyed her critically for a moment.

"I've seen better," he replied curtly. "Who're you?"

If the girl was fazed by this response, she didn't show it. "You can  
call me, 'Your Grace Quinn Morgendorffer, Duchess of The Chasm.'"

Tannim didn't know if this was in reference to the popular clothing  
store or the amount of cleavage Quinn was currently showing off. He  
decided it had to be the former, and refrained from staring at the  
latter. A Herculean feat to be sure, given the amount of attention  
she was trying to draw to it, but he managed.

This was actually turning out to be quite the interesting encounter.  
It's not every day one sees what Quinn from the popular MTV show Daria  
would look like in person. Grown up from the teeny-bopper high school  
persona, it couldn't have been too many years from when she'd last  
been on television. Quinn was certainly well into adulthood and past  
the childish adolescence that had been her hallmark on the show, as  
evidenced by the short but form-hugging purple skirt and deep v-necked  
indigo t-shirt. He'd place her age around twenty or so.

"Not interested," Tannim finally spoke. "Besides, Daria would be more  
my type," he admitted truthfully.

Quinn took a quick step back in revulsion. "YOU'RE one of those geeky  
nerd types? Ick! And here I was hoping to get some untainted  
beef..."

The man grinned at the jibe. "That's me; just a regular Mad Cow. Now  
if you'll excuse me, I've somewhere to be." Tannim quickly and  
efficiently strode away from the manipulative and man-hungry woman.  
Easy on the eyes, to be sure, but you'd have to be a brain-dead  
toothpick to be willing to go out with her.

"He was so promising too..." Quinn muttered in disappointment as she  
made her way back to the waiting harem. "And he knew Daria! Double  
ick!"

"Um, your highness? You know that call from earlier? It's from Base,  
saying to be on the lookout for our fugitive. He was spotted last in  
this area. They want to speak to you directly."

"Fine, fine, hand me the phone." Quinn tiredly stuck out a hand.  
Once the phone was placed on her outstretched palm she calmly  
retracted her arm and spoke into the device. "Hello?"

"Romeo, come in Romeo, this is Baker, do you read, over?" Makoto  
asked on the other end of the line.

"Yeah, yeah, this is 'Romeo,' what is it?"

"You're supposed to say 'over,' Romeo. Over."

"What-ever. Over."

"Subject reported sighted as heading in your area. Do you have visual  
confirmation? Over."

"Huh?" Quinn replied intelligently.

Makoto sighed into the receiver. "Have you seen the guy we're looking  
for?"

"How am I supposed to know what he looks like?" Quinn paused, before  
remembering to say, "Over."

"Fine. Uploading picture from camera-phone surveillance now, over."

Quinn pulled the cell away from her ear to take a look at the picture.

"Him? Ick!" She made a face. "He's right over there, on the second  
floor. Ew, I can't believe he actually went into that goth place!  
That's just gross! Just when I thought he couldn't sink any lower..."

Makoto shut off the inane ramblings of her subordinate and turned to  
the battery of assembled girls with cell phones that acted as the  
communication division of Bonnie's Armies. "We've got a Dodo sighting  
at Goth's Graveyard, repeat Dodo sighting at Goth's Graveyard! Spread  
the word ladies!"

Hundreds of fingers typed furiously on thousands of keys as orders and  
pictures were relayed to the rest of the mall.

--

Tannim entered Goth's Graveyard and was unsurprised to see William  
manning the register. He took off his trench coat as he entered.

"Dude, nice digs." William nodded appreciatively, still speaking at  
his customary monotone. "I wish mine would look that worn. You don't  
know how many times I've run them through the wash. You've got the  
beaten and torn look down, man."

Tannim grinned. This was precisely the response he was hoping for.  
"How about a trade?" he suggested.

William surreptitiously looked at the merchandise hanging around the  
store that technically wasn't his to barter with. "Sure. Though I  
warn you, those stuck up chicks'll probably start raggin' you about  
your outfit the moment you leave here."

That thought brought Tannim up short. While he didn't particularly  
care if someone commented on his wardrobe, he did need some sort of  
distraction to keep the Amazons off his back. He grinned again as  
another thought struck him.

"Do you have some cardboard and markers? And a nearby store you don't  
like?"

--

"All right, go in there and get him!"

"Nuh-uh, you go first!"

"Hel-loooo, superior officer here! I get to order you, not the other  
way around!"

"But it's gross in there!"

The gaggle of girls began to dissolve into a heated argument amongst  
themselves. This was something that Tannim, armed with several  
cardboard box pieces and a Sharpie marker, did not fail to take  
advantage of. With a frankly absurd mischievous grin, he began to  
scrawl foretellings of a sale of truly epic proportions and left them  
strategically around Zack's 3rd Avenue. The deed done, he then began  
to make his getaway. It would not be long until one of the girls  
noticed the ruse; such girls were attracted to sales like moths to a  
flame.

As Tannim expected, their finely-tuned shopping senses locked onto the  
signs quickly and all sense of reason and propriety left them  
entirely.

"Look! They're having a sale at ninety-percent off!"

"Omigod! An unscheduled sale? We've got to hurry before the rest of  
the girls find out!"

Of course Tannim was far from out of the woods just yet. The group  
that was chasing him was not the only one to notice the signs. Others  
were quick to catch on through word of mouth, and soon there was a  
steady stream of amazons making their way towards Zack's 3rd Avenue.

Tannim found that he had made a gross miscalculation. While the  
Amazons were indeed enthralled by the prospects of a sale, it made his  
clean getaway all the more difficult. Luckily, he spotted one of the  
side exits, commonly tucked discreetly between stores in all malls.  
He praised Belldandy silently and ducked into the passageway amidst  
the throng of crazed teenaged females.

The green-eyed man paused to catch his breath, and allowed those eyes  
to drift shut as he leaned his head back against the door. They shot  
open moments later when he heard a voice yell triumphantly down the  
corridor from his position.

"Aha!" Makoto shouted, "I knew you'd try to escape this way again!"  
She was flanked on either side by a gaggle of weapon-toting women who  
did not look at all amused.

The young man stared at Makoto blankly. His right eye twitched for a  
second before he felt a frenzied scream work its way up through his  
stomach and pause at the top of his windpipe, before it ripped itself  
from his throat.

Tannim, for lack of a better word, howled in frustration. It held a  
cocktail of curdled dreams and soured choices, with a hint of black  
despair, all blended perfectly into one sound lasting not more than a  
few seconds. Makoto was impressed.

He shot back out the door as though Carrot Top and the MTV VeeJays of  
old were after him. He'd rather face the rest of the mall combined  
than deal with that crazy chick again.

Surprising a number of amazons looking in his general direction, he  
vaulted clear over the railing and headed to the first floor by the  
quickest means without any hesitation whatsoever. It was something of  
a small miracle that he didn't land on anybody.

Unfortunately due to his yell, Tannim didn't get much of a head start.  
It took all of five seconds for Makoto to burst out from the doors he  
left behind, shout "After him!" and proceed to give chase.

Fleeing from the quickly growing mob Tannim noted that at least his  
diversionary tactic was half-successful; many of the amazons were  
reluctant or outright refused to leave the supposed 'sale.' Most that  
did follow him did so half-heartedly, and not at full speed.

However, the mallrats were much more organized than Tannim  
anticipated. This was made quickly apparent by the throng of women  
quickly walking down the thoroughfare in the middle of the mall,  
filling the walking area in front of him and impeding his first idea  
of simply making a mad dash for MegaGamers. His only viable exit left  
to try was the stairs of the second floor again, which he did so as  
fast as he could, taking the stairs two or three steps at a time.

"He's going up! Level two units, engage!"

Immediately swarms of girls began pouring out of the stores on the  
second floor. Tannim had to admire the tactical brilliance of it all;  
those particular stores were located in the center of the mall itself,  
and thus an excellent place to hold a rapid-deploy reserve force.  
Soon the entire upper floor of the mall was filled to capacity with  
angry, bustling teenagers, heading in his direction and making passage  
next to impossible.

Soon he found himself being herded onto a bridged that connected the  
two sides of the second floor, as it was the only open space available  
to him. With amazons to the front of him, and amazons coming up from  
behind, Tannim did the only thing he could think of.

He could hear several of the girls gasp in surprise as he slipped over  
the railing. It was here, underneath the middle of the bridge, that  
Tannim attempted a Saotome specialty: clinging to the ceiling for dear  
life. In this case he was aided by the structural supports underneath  
and was able to swing himself up and catch one of the opposite  
supports with his legs.

While it did get him out of reach of those above him, this did leave  
him dangling in plain sight. Not exactly what he'd been hoping for,  
but then again, he hadn't exactly given this plan much thought,  
either.

"There he is!" "Get him!" "Get his feet!"

Tannim glared balefully at the growing mob of teenage girls below him.  
Then, he grinned with sudden amusement. The view of a horde of women  
in skimpy clothing from directly above left nothing to be desired,  
especially with all the arm waving and jumping about.

A voice pierced the din with crisp, clear authority.

"Attention! Form up!"

Surprisingly enough the Mallrats obeyed, emptying the middle of the  
mall to form rows in front of the stores. Several girls unused to the  
practice had to be guided by their fellows, but everything was  
accomplished quickly and efficiently, much more so than Tannim would  
have thought possible from a horde of teenagers. At least, a horde of  
teenagers without Green Beret training.

Tannim craned his neck to where the voice originated from. What he  
saw nearly caused him to lose his grip in shock.

There was Deedlit, the same girl from this morning, only this time she  
was in full battle regalia. Flack jacket, army boots, and camouflage  
gear with twin ornamental lines of green paint down her cheeks were  
all scary enough, but the sword at her hip completed the intimidating  
look and gave Tannim chills. Coupled with the way she barked orders  
at the surrounding girls, she projected an aura of menace. Deedlit  
acted more like a drill sergeant than a high school girl as she urged  
her comrades into position. What happened to the airheaded valley  
girl he had met earlier?

It was only after Tannim got over his initial shock that he noticed  
the platoon of cheerleaders marching behind her, moving in  
synchronized lockstep. This was obviously the elite of the amazons.  
They all wore the same purple cheerleading uniforms, not from any  
nearby school, but one that had "Bonnie" stitched across the front in  
big letters. The "B" in "Bonnie" had a small crown hanging from it at  
an odd angle.

'Things... do not look good,' thought Tannim wryly. 'I think I may be  
screwed. Royally.'

Then the cheerleaders did something Tannim supposed he should have  
expected, but surprised him nonetheless: they began to form a human  
pyramid. Their movements were quick, precise, and obviously  
well-practiced.

"Hey, that's pretty impressive!" he called out cheerfully.

No answer, save Deedlit's deepening scowl, was forthcoming. So much  
for flattery.

In no time at all three of them had made their way up to within  
grabbing range of Tannim's hanging trench coat, with two more quickly  
ascending to grab the man himself. One of them even managed to snag  
the coat. An experimental yank by the offending mallrat did nothing  
to persuade Tannim to let go.

Later, when he was all alone, Tannim would think back and marvel at  
his luck that, at just the right moment, a girl in the middle of the  
pyramid had to sneeze.

And what a doozy of a sneeze it was. In fact, it just managed to  
unbalance the whole pyramid, and send it tumbling. Now while those  
sequence of words didn't sound impressive written out, it was a lot of  
fun to watch as the girls slowly collapsed under the pressure of not  
having enough coordinated balance to keep them up anymore. In fact,  
Tannim could have sworn it was a sport watching those poor girls fall  
underneath the weight of themselves.

It was this moment that Tannim decided to take the opportunity to  
skedaddle. He let go of the supports, landed, and turned to make a  
run for it.

It was unfortunate that he found, much to his dismay, Deedlit already  
waiting patiently for him with rapier pointed towards his throat. He  
almost skewered himself on the end of it in his haste but stopped just  
in time. Instead Tannim managed to leap back several feet and get  
outside of immediate strike range.

"You'll never take me down," he warned. Bluffed, really, but he'd  
been doing so much of that lately he was starting to believe in his  
own lies.

"That remains to be seen," Deedlit sneered. "But first, I wanna to  
get my licks in, before I drag you kicking and screaming before the  
queen." The blonde sheathed her rapier and shrugged off her combat  
vest, leaving her wearing a tan short sleeved t-shirt. She raised her  
fists into a fighting position reminiscent of a boxer's stance. "I've  
got a score to settle for my fellow warrior women."

"All right," Tannim replied. The man readied himself for the upcoming  
fight by discarding his trench coat. "You asked for it, then."

Without so much as a warning, Tannim made the first move as soon as  
the words were out of his mouth and his coat hit the ground. He'd  
already been pushed around enough today, and rather than wait for  
Deedlit to come at him with who knows what, he figured a frontal  
assault with a Gaijin Smash could probably give him enough breathing  
room to make a break for it again. Bringing his glowing right fist to  
bear, and pleased that it held his brightest glow yet, he charged  
headlong at Deedlit with fist cocked back and ready to lay one into  
her.

Things didn't go exactly as planned. They rarely do when you're  
facing a person who is an expert in martial arts, especially one who  
specializes in re-directing their opponent since they're usually so  
much smaller than everyone else.

Deedlit expertly caught Tannim's outstretched arm and slid into a  
hip-throw maneuver that sent the man literally flying, projecting him  
head-long towards a nearby pillar. His reaction speed was enough that  
he managed to get his arms crossed in front of him before he hit.

This was particularly unfortunate since he still had a Gaijin Smash in  
hand.

The thing about the Gaijin Smash technique, Tannim was about to find  
out, is that it didn't care which direction it released the energy in.  
One of the things Rukia neglected to mention in his training, even if  
he could remember, was that the reason she herself had to build up so  
much momentum before hitting him was so that she wouldn't be thrown  
back herself by the technique. The release of pressure from the blast  
was, in fact, omni-directional, something Tannim hadn't discovered  
since he hadn't used one at such force before.

The end result was that Tannim suddenly and very violently punched  
himself in the face.

CRACK!

Tannim flipped head-over-heels in an arc of trajectory that brought  
him sailing over the surprised Deedlit to land behind her in a heap.  
It was several seconds before he could blink the stars out of his  
eyes. It was several more before he could form coherent thought.

"Oooooooh... wha' hap'en?" Any other attempt at speaking was thwarted  
by the fact his head was ringing more than the Sistine Chapel at high  
noon.

"You just pummeled yourself, looks like," replied Deedlit worriedly.  
Her fighting stance relaxed in the face of this new development. "You  
okay?"

"Su-u-ure. Just lemme... stop the bells..."

This was accomplished by placing both hands over his ears until his  
brain stopped vibrating. After that, initial damage estimates were  
surprisingly good, as nothing else felt out of place, or even hurt.  
It was something of a miracle and at the moment Tannim was simply  
thankful that he hadn't taken his own head clean off. That would have  
been an embarrassing way to go; death by decapitation from your own  
technique.

"Okay," he said. "I think I'm ready for round two."

Tannim rolled to his feet and happened to end up standing next to one  
of those benches littered about the mall for weary customers to rest  
their feet. He grabbed the top wooden beam of the bench intending to  
rip it free so as to provide himself with a weapon, and pulled. He  
underestimated how well the bench itself was made, and overestimated  
how well a job the screws holding it down were doing, and ended up  
holding the entire bench in one hand. This surprised everyone  
watching the event, including Tannim.

The words, "Jeez I'm strong!" escaped Tannim's lips quite  
unintentionally. He stared at the aloft object held lightly and  
easily in his hand, completely dumbfounded at his own immense  
strength. He missed, however, the subtle sound a rapier makes when  
sliding free from its sheath.

It was hard to miss when the bench was sliced lengthwise in half. It  
landed with a resounding crash to the floor, and Tannim dropped the  
other half in shock. It was only then that he noticed Deedlit  
standing in front of him with a very sharp sword and the look of  
murder in her eyes. The rapier itself tickled the edge of Tannim's  
memory, but he pushed that to the side as more important matters, like  
not dying, held his immediate attention.

"If you want to up the ante to weapons, that's like, totally fine by  
me." This threat was punctuated by a few lightning-quick slashes to  
demonstrate just how quick she was with her weapon of choice.

Tannim meeped. He didn't know he could.

Deedlit raised her arm to attack.

Then, much to Tannim's surprise and relief, everything froze.

That wasn't entirely accurate, Tannim realized after a moment of  
careful observation and thankful prayer. While for the most part it  
appeared as though time had stopped, he discovered it was still in  
motion at a crawl; everyone was still moving, just very, very slowly.

'Huh,' thought Tannim absently. 'This must be what bullet time feels  
like. Thank God this happened when it did.'

It was then he realized Deedlit's rapier was still moving towards him  
at a fairly brisk pace, though still extremely slow compared to the  
lightning-quickness shown previously, and Tannim barely managed to get  
over his amazement to duck out of the way in time. His entire body  
felt like it was moving underwater, but this slight resistance was not  
enough to hinder his movements.

Even if the rest of Deedlit was moving as if stuck in molasses her  
sword arm continued the assault with what must have been to the  
natural eye blazing speed. With each swing slowed down significantly,  
however, it was child's play to stay one step ahead of the ponderous  
blade. A vertical slash was sidestepped, and the follow-up diagonal  
strike to his midriff was dodged by leaning to the side. The  
following thrusts were each avoided using minimal movements while  
shifting his body so that the attacks missed by mere inches.

Tannim nearly broke into laughter as Deedlit's surprise slowly spread  
across her face. He settled for smirking arrogantly at the girl.

Several seconds of constant dodging later, Tannim felt bold enough to  
counter-attack. On the next overhead chop he clapped his hands firmly  
around the blade imitating the "ninja catch" he'd seen in countless  
samurai flicks.

What he didn't anticipate was her twisting the sword and pulling it  
free, slicing his hand in the process. Apparently a rapier's thin  
blade wasn't the best of weapons for that particular maneuver.

Tannim looked down expecting to see a deep cut in his hand, but to his  
shock there was merely a thin line where the first couple of layers of  
skin had been sliced through. To his further amazement, that line  
quickly disappeared as he watched.

'Huh,' he stared thoughtfully at his hand, dumbfounded for the second  
time that day, at his own toughness and regenerative abilities. 'Hey,  
this is startin' ta get cool.'

Time returned to normal as Deedlit stepped back and panted slightly  
from exertion. Apparently as soon as someone stopped attacking him  
for real, the effects of bullet time wore off.

"Are you anticipating my movements and dodging them?" she asked  
warily, giving a cautious look to the hand Tannim was staring at.  
Deedlit stomped a foot in irritation. "Hey, why aren't you bleeding?"

The young man shrugged helplessly. "I have no idea. But I hope it's  
because of the training from last night." He honestly didn't want to  
consider the possibility that something else beyond his control was  
messing with him. Again. The book was bad enough. Maybe this was a  
side effect of that spell Belldandy used earlier to heal him and make  
him strong? Yeah, that was it. Gotta be.

Deedlit didn't know what to make of the boy in front of her. One  
second he was being tossed around like an untrained monkey by not only  
herself, but is own techniques; now he suddenly had the ability to  
perceive and evade her swiftest attacks? Fast enough and agile enough  
to catch her blade mid-strike?

Regular attacks were not working. It was time to use another method.

Deedlit pointed directly over Tannim's shoulder with a shocked  
expression on her face. "Oh, my, GOD! What is that behind you?"

Tannim turned around quickly to look. "What? What is it? What's--"

Deedlit's rapier rested gently on Tannim's neck. "Do you yield?"

Tannim almost nodded and gave himself the closest shave of his life,  
but he held the motion just in time. "I yield," he answered, also  
resisting a strong impulse to swallow. Sure, he probably could have  
survived his jugular being cut, but who wanted to bet their life on  
that? Not him. Maybe if he had more time to experiment with his  
invulnerability, but for now, it was better to be safe than dead.

Then the man realized he had been fooled by the oldest trick in the  
book and felt like he could die from sheer embarrassment. "Okay, you  
got me fair and square," he admitted. "What are you going to do with  
me now?"

A voice rang out from outside the ring of Amazonian warriors. "You're  
going to fight me!" The surrounding mallrats parted to allow Makoto  
through, and then quickly closed ranks behind her. She had a  
particularly satisfied expression on her face that was graced with a  
nasty smirk. "How does it feel, to be fooled by your own trick? You  
did the same thing to me when we first met."

It was only then did Tannim remember the event, where he had bluffed  
the amazons into allowing him to escape. It turned out irony wasn't  
very funny when it was directed at you.

"Remember that day, when you accepted my challenge? I demand that you  
stand and fight me!"

The rest of the mallrats cheered at this proclamation. Cries ranged  
from catcalls to calls for blood.

Deedlit whispered from behind Tannim's back. "And you're going to  
stand still for the first hit, understand?" Deedlit gave the man a  
not-so-subtle nudge with the tip of her rapier. "Promise."

"All right, all right." Tannim raised his arms in surrender. "I  
promise!" He craned his neck around to look Deedlit in the eye. "You  
don't have to get your panties in a twis--"

Tannim was interrupted by a gentle tap to his mid-section.  
Incidentally, at the same moment, a dull crack echoed throughout the  
mall.

If someone had had thrown a giant bucket of water on the surrounding  
crowd, they would have gotten much of the same reaction as all the  
girls in the area quieted down instantly. Many of them winced  
sympathetically while a few looked as though they might be sick.

Tannim whipped his head forward just in time to see Makoto painfully  
pulling back her right leg from his ribs. She hopped awkwardly  
several times, all the while cursing hard enough to put a sailor to  
shame, before realizing movement just made things worse and quickly  
sat down as painlessly as her injured foot allowed her to.

"No fair! You've got metal under your shirt!" Makoto accused through  
clenched teeth while clutching her foot in pain. "It felt like steel  
or something!"

Deedlit wasted no time in literally carving Tannim's t-shirt off his  
upper torso and peeling it from his body with her sword, while Tannim  
held as still as humanly possible. After she was done she slid her  
hand over Tannim's bare back.

The assembled mallrats held their breath.

"Omigod." Deedlit quietly whispered in shock. "It IS like coiled  
steel!"

Well, he did have that new physique, Tannim realized. Experimentally  
he tried flexing a few muscles and received several appreciative gasps  
from the audience for his efforts.

"Hey!" Tannim jumped several feet in the air in surprise.

Deedlit stared at her hand. Yep, she decided, his butt definitely  
felt as good as it looked.

"I wanna touch!" "Me too!" "Lemme through, I can't see!"

Before Tannim knew it he was buried under a squirming pile of female  
flesh, all desperately trying to get a feel for his torso. A few of  
the daring girls were trying to grope more private areas, which he  
valiantly defended against the onslaught by clutching his family  
jewels despite several vain attempts to pry his hands away.

"GAIJIN PERIMETER!"

A swiftly expanding globe of nearly invisible energy pushed all the  
girls in a six foot radius centered on Tannim away, sending them  
sprawling in all directions. Not unlike a downing man who had just  
broken the surface of the sea, Tannim heaved several gulps of air  
before the panic he'd been feeling moments before finally settled  
enough for coherent thought to return.

The man grinned wildly at the rest of the girls who were standing  
around in shock, and laughed at the ones who were still trying to pull  
themselves out of the tangle mess of limbs and bodies. That act of  
bravado helped hide his discomfort at nearly being glomped to death by  
a horde of teenage girls. Though in theory that wouldn't have been a  
bad way to go, it was much more frightening a prospect in real life.

On the upshot, at least he learned a new technique. Or remembered an  
old one. Whatever.

"I guess life-threatening situations really DO work to bring those  
forgotten techniques out," he stated ruefully as the surrounding girls  
started to get to their feet. He made a 'come hither' motion with an  
outstretch palm. "C'mon, wenches, lets get this over with."

"Get him!" rang the uninspired battle cry.

Tannim lashed out with a fierce right hook and a glowing fist, sending  
the leading cheerleader flying backwards into her fellows with a  
perfectly timed Gaijin Smash, incidentally knocking five of the elite  
cheerleaders down at once. On instinct he ducked a punch from behind,  
and his retaliatory leg sweep, pivoting on his left foot while  
swinging with the right, sent two more girls tumbling.

The space around him cleared, Tannim used this opportunity to jump as  
best he could away from the encircling mob of crazy cheerleaders. He  
surprised himself by leaping hard enough to nearly send himself  
through one of the mall's skylights. It was only by using a hand to  
push away from the ceiling did he avoid a potentially painful  
catastrophe, and thanks to his momentum, he was carried past the edge  
of the mallrat mob and into the clear.

High on adrenaline and relief at escaping, the man couldn't resist at  
least tossing one taunt over his shoulder. "You'll never catch me  
alive, coppers!"

"We're not police!" Deedlit shot at Tannim's retreating back.

Tannim paused long enough to turn around and point an accusing finger  
at the girl. "You copped a feel!"

Deedlit grinned happily at the memory. "Guilty as charged!" she  
cheerfully proclaimed.

"No sense of common decency in youngsters these days..."

And that was all the time Tannim had for banter before nearly being  
swarmed by amazons again, though this time they were attacking him  
with more passion, and less bloodlust. With his enhanced physique it  
wasn't too difficult to outpace even the fastest of the mallrats  
chasing him.

And he would have gotten away, too, if it hadn't been for that  
advertisement display in Wardenbooks.

It was big. It was gaudy. It was lined with sparkles and sequins.

And worst of all...

Worst of all...

It was him.

Well, sort of.

Perhaps if Tannim had drawn himself in the manga style Japan was  
famous for, and added copious amounts of green dye to his hair, the  
guy in the picture and the person standing before it might have  
resembled one another. But the thing that had halted the fleeing  
mortal in his tracks wasn't actually the picture of the comic book  
being advertised, but the name of the author who drew the damn thing.  
It was a name Tannim Murphy had used for years as an alias in his  
personal gaming habits, a name that he used pretty much exclusively  
off the internet and didn't know how anyone had gotten a hold of what  
he previously thought to be a pretty unique alias.

What had stopped Tannim from sheer shock was an advertisement for a  
manga authored and drawn by one 'Matt Knudsen' entitled 'Otaku Muyo.'

'Title seems almost familiar,' Tannim thought to himself in  
wonderment, 'though I doubt I've ever read anything with a name as  
stupid as "No Need For a Fan." I've got to check this out.'

And so, without so much as a backwards glance at the mallrats closing  
in on his position, or a single thought of common sense that he could  
probably obtain the merchandise he wanted later somewhere else, he  
marched himself into the store.

--

"Mihoshi, how did I let you talk me into looking at manga, rather than  
looking for the wanted suspect?" asked Kiyone.

"Because I need to get the latest book out on Otaku Muyo! You know  
it's my favorite series!" Mihoshi turned to Kiyone and gave her The  
Look.

"Ah yes, the puppy dog pout," Kiyone said dispassionately. "Now I  
remember. Well, I suppose it beats running around willy-nilly..."

A third voice injected itself into the conversation. "Not to seem  
like a bother, but what is Otaku Muyo actually about?" An arm reached  
past the teenagers to grab the first volume.

Both girls turned to look at the man. Kiyone with shock, and Mihoshi  
with joy at discovering a potential fellow fan.

"I'll tell you everything I know!" Mihoshi cheerfully exclaimed. She  
then proceeded to do so.

A Mihoshi babble was quite spectacular to watch up close, Tannim  
noted. And it was obviously on a subject she loved. Somewhere in the  
stream of constant dialogue he managed to grasp that this 'Otaku Muyo'  
story was about one man's journey through the multiverse as he was  
flung from dimension to dimension on a quest to save his love. Or  
loves. Mihoshi wasn't clear on that part and Tannim didn't have the  
courage to interrupt her while she was going full steam.

"-and that's why I think Otaku Muyo, or 'oh em' as it is known in fan  
circles, is currently the best manga on the market!" Mihoshi paused  
to draw breath. "So what do you think?" She looked at Tannim  
expectantly.

"Sounds like a contrived, sorry excuse for a story," he stated flatly,  
then reluctantly admitted, "...but it sounds interesting at least.  
I'll have to check it out."

"Hey, wait a minute!" Kiyone shouted and pointed a finger dramatically  
at Tannim. "We're supposed to capture you!"

Tannim looked behind him, and noted a steady stream of amazons lined  
up just outside the bookstore. "Yeah, about that. Why aren't they  
attacking?"

"Mall Protocol Seven Five Three states that any person involved in  
Total Mall Combat shall not engage the enemy inside any store, less  
precious merchandise may be harmed," Mihoshi rattled off. "In such an  
event the person is allowed to make up to five purchases before being  
dragged out forcefully and made to continue."

"Huh." Tannim thought things over for a moment. He was getting tired  
of running, and while it wasn't his first choice, he supposed this was  
as good a spot as any to stop the madness under his own terms. As it  
stood he'd either be run out of the place for good or face capture by  
combat again. "I don't suppose if I surrender to you I'll get a calm  
walk back to Bonnie?"

Kiyone blinked. "Uh, sure. You sure you don't want to run away  
again?" she asked almost hopefully.

"No, I'll go peacefully. Just as long as you call off your horde of  
fellow teenagers."

It was this point that Deedlit entered the store, still completely  
intimidating in full battle regalia. Her hair disheveled and eyes  
blazing, she locked her gaze at the only male standing in the room and  
raised her rapier to point at his chest.

"You're coming with me," Deedlit spoke in no uncertain terms.

"Yep," Tannim easily agreed. "Kiyone and Mihoshi here caught me."

Deedlit looked uncertain for a moment, before she deflated. "Oh. I  
thought you were going to give me another good fight."

Tannim winced. "No, I'm ready to face the music now."

The rapier was sheathed with an unsatisfied grunt. "Well that sucks."  
Deedlit grabbed several plastic zip ties from a pocket, pulled  
Tannim's arms behind him, and cuffed them together. "I don't suppose  
you'll give me a little struggle?"

The man rolled his eyes. "If it'll make you feel better."

Deedlit slapped him on the butt, hard. When Tannim turned to face her  
she was grinning shamelessly.

"Let's get going then!" The girl started dragging Tannim out of the  
store.

"Wait, I haven't purchased my manga!"

"Too late!"

--

TBC...

Author's Notes: Man, what a beast. While this particular bit of plot  
with Bonnie was initially started on a whim because I thought "Amazon  
Warrior Mallrats" sounded funny, I was forced to write them to their  
logical conclusion when I had all the pieces in motion, and am almost  
sorry I came up with such a long and involved idea even though parts  
have been fun to write. Also, what I hope has been an action-packed  
chapter contains the most action I've written, ever.

Hopefully I'll get better with more practice. I'm still relatively  
new to the writing scene.

While I don't consider myself a very good writer, Otaku Muyo has been  
a great experience in many respects, and allowed me to practice  
writing for the more long-term (a skill, if you note my other works, I  
seriously lack). It has had its ups and downs, with failed or  
discarded ideas and a lack of what I'd call solid pacing, but it has  
meandered along better than I could have hoped for. Not the best I  
could have wanted, but better than I thought I could do. Much of this  
has been me trying to find a particular writing style that I'm  
satisfied with, which I believe I'm close to approaching.

Now, I feel I should address the issue of why this chapter in  
particular took so long. Part of the slowdown was due because I was,  
well, away from home for six months out of the year in 2007. Another  
part was sheer laziness, as writing the mallrats was not an easy task,  
given the number of variables they could conceivably produce. Many  
ideas I came up with for the mall battle scenes had to be discarded or  
rewritten. Much of what I had planned early on never materialized as  
I realized that none of it would help or advance the plot. Originally  
I had planned on adding every young hero under the age of 14 to the  
mix in coming to Tannim's aid in one large climactic end-battle, but  
that would have taken more research and work to put together than I  
really wanted to deal with, so we're left with just Tannim vs. the  
Mallrats. Again, I am thankful that this arc of the story is finally  
coming to a close.

I feel BlackAeronaut deserves a shout-out, as Ben helped me piece  
together a couple of scenes I myself was reluctant to write, and  
jump-started me back into working on this. There's something to be  
said for momentum when you work on a project. Kyle, also known as  
Taiteki Kagato, has been a great help and good friend for a long time,  
and deserves some praise directed his way. Freddy Isnot helped me  
along with some good comments and corrections, and while I'm on this  
thanking kick, I feel that I should mention that The Eternal Lost  
Lurker and Jared Waddell have both been awesome encouragers throughout  
most of Otaku Muyo. Thanks also to everyone who left reviews or  
responded with comments.

For any wondering, the following chapter should be a transition from  
this arc to the next, and the last to seriously deal with the  
mallrats. It's been a blast, and as things are winding down with  
Tannim's life in Crossroads, I want to thank you all for coming along  
with me for the ride, and staying with me through this insanely long,  
long delay.

All five of you.


End file.
